Ohhh duh
So when I told SIL to stay in her lane and that it's not up to her to decide what SDs rules are when she's at our house, she went off on me for being petty and vindictive and that SD is a wonderful, creative child and blah blah. At first I thought she was just raging because she's a mentally ill lunatic. It made zero sense because none of that has anything to do with SD being required to do chores like the other kids. But thinking about how SD had told SIL we didn't get her any Christmas presents (bold faced lie, we got her literally exactly what she asked for and she tossed them aside after opening them and didn't thank us), most likely SD has made up other things too.
Ironically, SD has also made up stories to me about both SIL and BM. Did we take that at face value and act like lunatics about it like them? Nope. These people are all nuts. This is the kid who lied about not having winter clothes to her teacher, lost her mind at me for buying her a lunchable because "her mom doesn't buy that", told her grandma that she doesn't have pajamas or stuffed animals when her grandma has physically seen that she has an overabundance of both, and on and on. She lies more than she tells the truth and they're still playing into it because it fits their agenda. Disgusting.
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What IS their agenda? That's
What IS their agenda? That's what I don't get. What point is there in alienating your niece from your brother and his wife? I get it when the other bio parent does it.
I think it starts with MIL.
I think it starts with MIL. She hates any outsiders, wants absolute control over her kids, and doesn't want them to have partners or families of their own so that they fully rely on her. DH is 100% convinced its starting with MIL, although MIL is trying to deny it and say she has no clue what's going on and that she can't control what SIL does.
So bizarre. I never get these
So bizarre. I never get these awful MILs who align with the ex-wife over their own son.
Yep. She hated BM when she
Yep. She hated BM when she was with DH, but now it's an "the enemy of my enemy is my friend" thing. It's weird, and honestly stupid because if she would have just been polite/friendly/kind we would be there visiting with all the kids on a regular basis. Not every single holiday on the day like she wants, but often.
How do you deal with your MIL
How do you deal with your MIL? Has there ever been a huge blow up or just tension? My MIL started in on us last week and I am about ready to let loose on her but then I feel bad about possibly ruining the relationship forever.
**UPDATE reading all your blogs...wow
"These people are all nuts".
"These people are all nuts".
That's the thing, and why your situation sucks. It's Wack A Mole dysfunction - the parties are all female, and they all feed off each other so just when you handle one's drama, another will kick off. It's a cyclic, self feeding clusterF.
Crazy covens like this start when one crazy witch gets with a weak man who enables her. They have kids, the mom is the dominant one and raises the kids on a diet of drama, discord, and chaos. Usually the girls follow suit while the boys learn just to bow down and keep their mouths shut. The boys may find themselves drawn to what's familiar when they start dating, and end up with their own crazy witch 2.0. This is what happened to my DH, and why the woman he divorced over thirty years ago is still included in family holidays.
OMG YES THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT
OMG YES THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED. FIL is weak (and tbh, an idiot so a lot of this is going over his head). DH has been taught to just be a doormat and accept whatever shit they throw at him. BM is exactly like themselves, and while he hated BM in the end he would just do what she wanted usually. He stands up to them sometimes and then they all lose their minds, even when it's a completely reasonable boundary- like that our rules for SD at our home are our choice. Unfortunately, after DH stands up to them he weakens some and wants to hear what they have to say and is hoping they have a reasonable explanation for how they are acting.
MIL actually asked DH once, in front of me, if I was more dominant or her (that wasn't the exact wording, but it was to that effect) and then said she was disappointed that DH said me.
My boys are not going to continue this pattern. SD is not going to get special treatment for being female and they are not going to be doormats. I could care less what SIL and BM have to say about me and every precaution will be taken in regards to SD so they can't use her as a vessel to get at me.
Yep, this is BM's family. SS
Yep, this is BM's family. SS keeps his head down, and his older half-brother does too. BM's daughter is a crazy witch like her. I know that BM's mother was dominant and her father is passive and weak. DH wouldn't bow down, so he got cast out.
My DH actually said at one
My DH actually said at one point that his family was going to disown him if he stood up to them. So he knows - I don't get why he's hanging onto people that he knows don't truly care or have his back, but I suppose it's complicated.
Yeah, my DH has a difficult
Yeah, my DH has a difficult mother and he has almost no contact with her. If we see her when visiting his hometown, he is polite and pleasant to her, but does not return her phone calls or reach out to her. He also has a difficult sister (I guess his birth family followed the pattern too!) and has no relationship with her, either. We've been together 11 years and I've never met her.
His 3 brothers are great, but they don't stand up to Mom like he does.
BM didn't get to know my DH long enough before she had her birth control "fail". He's a nice guy, but he is not a pushover like she likes her men to be.
I think you just need to stop
I think you just need to stop interacting with SIL and MIL. Leave that to DH, even if his way of dealing with them is weak or ineffectual, it's not affecting you anymore. Since they are really only focused on SD let DH handle any of the drama they start. If you don't want to block them on your social media or phone then at least mute them. Set your boundaries in place with your DH and cut them out.
I have zero interaction with
I have zero interaction with either of them, with the exception of setting this boundary with SIL, which was over SDs tablet because SIL was talking to her about us. I have none of them on Facebook anymore.
It definitely could affect me if SD is making up lies and they are believing them. My 3 kids also live here, I don't need any unwarranted CPS calls.