You are here

Another email from the school counselor pt 2

Jcksjj's picture

Sorry for the blog hogging today, but need some more feedback. So we're considering since the story to the school counselor is that DH doesn't give SD attention, and the reality is that SD wants to sit on her tablet and talk to people online all day and post tiktok videos, that maybe we should take away her tablet and have her do "family time" activities with all of us all weekend that she's probably going to hate. 

Or should we go the other route and let her sit in her room most of the day like usual? 

The one thing we're not doing for sure is exactly what the counselor aka BMs voice told us to.

Update: a quick glance over the school counselors very public Facebook profile confirmed that she is indeed a 53 year old SD. Refers to her SM as her bonus mom, but also has I love daddy posts all over. And on top of that, it appears that her dad may have died recently, but I can't tell for sure if it was actually recent or not.


ndc's picture

I would for sure take the tablet and engage SD in family activities. Even if it's painful for you in the short run, it might put an end to her daddy complaints to the counselor. I mean, how do you complain about daddy paying you attention all weekend? Unless, of course, you complain that you had to share daddy's attention with the rest of the family.

I think BM has something brewing, but I have no idea what.

ExhaustedByItAll's picture

First off, is it a problem for DH or you that she is on the tablet so much? If it's not, then why change it just because of this counselor? 

If it is a problem, you said before that you have parental controls on the tablet, I would assume those come with time limit capabilities? 

Could you limit it to an hour at a time for a max of 3-4 hours per day (or something like that, whatever works for you)? Conversation with SD is along the lines of, we'd like to spend time with you, even if we're all just watching a movie or eating lunch/dinner i.e. we don't have to be doing something exciting, just put the device down. But basically enforcing screen breaks?

SD reports back to counselor that she got her daddy time, but your house isn't total conflict because her device was taken away. 

We hear this all the time that they don't like being here because we don't let them have tik tok and other social media, SS doesn't like being here because we won't buy him a PlayStation, blah blah blah. It's just BS saying they don't like having rules. We know they are on them 24/7 at BMs because she doesn't actually want to do things with them or deal with them when they're bored.

bearcub25's picture

I had a supposed therapist do something like that to me.

After the skids were taken from BM, we were having a hard time with SD.  One day I had to take one kid to dentist and the little ones had to go...SD was about 10.   SD wanted me to drop her off at some friends house at 7am bc she didn't want to go.  It ended up with her calling me an effing bitch and throwing something expensive of hers and breaking it.  I kept my cool though.   We had a 'therapist' appt that afternoon.   

I told the counselor what had transpired.  After she talked to the skids, she told me that SD was mad because she doesn't get an allowance.  It took everything to not cuss out that young woman very loudly.   These kids were not hurting for anything and DSO was working part time to raise his kids and didn't have a lot of money to just hand them for shitty behavior.  I didn't take them back after that and let DSO take them or not.  


advice.only2's picture

Did your DH call the principal and set up a meeting with them and the "counselor" to discuss her overstepping her boundaries?

Jcksjj's picture

He tried last night but principal was already gone. I just asked him if he's still planning on calling so we'll see.

tog redux's picture

I agree to let SD know her counselor said that she wanted to spend more time with her dad, so no tablet, and off you go to get Legos.

I also agree he should request a meeting with the principal and the counselor and maybe BM. 

tog redux's picture

If not appropriate then fine. I'd like to put her on the spot for lying to the counselor, personally. 

Jcksjj's picture

Yeah that part could be interesting. And it might stop her from being as ballsy next time...

DH said he had called and the principal wasn't available today and so he was going to call the assistant principal so I'll update with what comes of that. 

missgingersnap2021's picture

My SD16 likes to be in her room and on her phone but DH still does things with her to get her out of her room. He makes her go with him whe he runs around doing odds and ends (going to the bank, picking up customer checks, etc.) and she still asks him to play cards almost every night she is here. He also builds fires out back in the firepit and she'll sit out there with us.

When she was younger we would all play games. One was supper funny! It was  funny picures and you all had to wrie saying that goes with the picture and the one that everyone found the funniest scored a point. I dont remember what it was called though.

Stepdrama2020's picture

Do as the therapist suggested. Record all complaints made by SD while playing leggo and no tablet allowed.

Report back  Daddio tried , we thought this was something she wanted to do. Any other ideas, because somehow her leggo yearning was no longer.

BM SD need to be exposed. This is unfair to you and DH.

Ispofacto's picture

If she doesn't already own legos, I wouldn't run out and buy them for her.  DH should ban her tablet for the weekend and make her play family games.

Every time she complains, "You keep telling people I don't give you any attention."


Thumper's picture

I feel awful for OP and DH.

It's bad enough to have a high conflict BM, But then to have bm glued to the school counselor too?

We went thru something similar. Bm and her minions. It was very problematic.

That is the thing with bm's and minions. IF the target doesn't take the bait, bm keeps moving until she finds one that will. BM drops that target like a hot potato.

 In OP's case it's the darn school counselor. School minions are very embarrassing especially when you have other kids who will attend that school.

Poor OP and dh.... Sad I totally feel for them.

Jcksjj's picture

Yes! That is exactly it with the moving target thing. Theres always a sucker somewhere. And yes it is embarrassing that it is the same school as my ODS and my younger 2 will attend. That's why I hope she's going to go to school in BMs district next year.