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I hate my step kids

I.just.cant's picture

 Let’s just start off from the beginning. I knew my now husband two years ago I came over for game night with my significant other at the time and he was with his wife and children. I have a daughter of my own and we were invited over for a game night. I was attracted to my husband and he was me but we never voiced it. My significant other and I broke up. And not too long after my husband and his Now ex-wife were legally separated and starting to get divorced. We became friends for about a year. And then we dated and got married and everything was great. But little did I know that there was going to be hell Waiting for me. We got married in the first month it was obviously magical. Then his two sons started coming over every weekend a seven-year-old and a three-year-old. Oh boy was I in for a surprise. These boys have the most issues I have ever seen a child have in my life. I’ve babysat I have 100 cousins and never ever have I seen any child act the way that they do. Now the way that their mom ask directly points to how they act. Their mom cheated on their dad while he was deployed for two years and then spent all of his money that he had saved up in his account and left him. She abandon the kids for a kcouple weeks while she went out and partied. And while we were dating she was smacking is but she was touching him writing love notes. She also while they were married tried to kill my husband. She hit them over the head with the laptop because he was watching something she didn’t agree with. She tried to light his car on fire because she was unhappy with what he was saying to her. So there’s just a little background. AnyWho cover the seven-year-old goes to a therapist twice a month for his issues. He literally will not eat anything other than white rice mac & cheese and a hotdog or chicken McNuggets. And I don’t play that game. My daughter  she hit them over the head with the laptop because he was watching something she didn’t agree with. She tried to light his car on fire because she was unhappy with what he was saying to her. So there’s just a little background. AnyWho cover the seven-year-old goes to a therapist twice a month for his issues. He literally will not eat anything other than white rice mac & cheese a hotdog or chicken McNuggets. And I don’t play that game. My daughter Is expected to eat whatever is put in front of her and if she doesn’t want to eat it then guess what she goes hungry. So I started doing that with him know we’re having chicken you can eat chicken it just doesn’t have the breading on it like the Nuggets. He will sit there for hours. Just this past Father’s Day weekend I said you know what we had pork chops and you didn’t need them so guess what you’re having for breakfast. So he sat there with pork chops in front of him while everybody else had chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast. And then lunch came and he sat there. And then dinner was just about ready and he started throwing up.His stomach was so empty that he started throwing up yet he had all the power to fill his stomach while he was hungry and he chose not to. Also he doesn’t like people touching his things because he literally dragged his younger brother by the back of the shirt and was choking him out to his brother couldn’t breathe. He at first hated me and wouldn’t even speak to me when I spoke to him and now I sit on the couch and he is literally taking up half of my cushion. He will sit there and stare at me for hours which freaks me out.That’s just some of the small things that he does. The real terror  is the three-year-old stepson.  He has bit me on my arm till I had of purple and blue bruise for weeks he has cussed at me told me to F off he has kicked me punched me spit on me this weekend he threw ice cold water all over my head and body oh also he grab the book ends and smashed it in my face. And now I have a huge bruise on my cheek. Now honestly I fear for my daughter and I fear for myself. Because if he ever put his hands on my daughter I’m not sure what Would happen. And things get so difficult because their dad my husband gets so defensive and his blood thickens to wear now blood is stronger than the marriage. He defends the boys. When the little one hit me in the face with the book but dad said I’ll talk to him there was no yelling there is no spanking there was no nothing. Did you hit Da? Yes. Don’t do that again that’s not nice is it? Go tell her you’re sorry. And I am huge on Being genuine if when you tell me something it’s not genuine don’t even tell me. I don’t know what to do I love my husband with all my heart but I hate the kids and I don’t want them to be around ever. He wants to go back to court to fight for more custody and I am terrified to do that. A little part of me is saying OK if we have more time maybe the mom that won’t rub off on the kids and I can actually correct them. And the other part of me is like now I can barely handle weekend how my supposed to handle the whole week. I’m really scared about my life.  Being genuine if when you tell me something it’s not genuine don’t even tell me. I don’t know what to do I love my husband with all my heart but I hate the kids and I don’t want them to be around ever. He wants to go back to court to fight for more custody and I am terrified to do that. A little part of me is saying OK if we have more time maybe the mom that won’t rub off on the kids and I can actually correct them. And the other part of me is like now I can barely handle weekend how my supposed to handle the whole week. I’m really scared about my life. I’m scared that I’m going to be miserable forever. We want to move but I’m scare that if we do move and they come out for the summer I’m going to Lose my mind. Yeah the few months that we won’t have them will be awesome but then I got a think about those three months where it’s going to be nonstop. I don’t even know what to do anymore. My husband and I get into fights every single time they are over and it is putting a wedge between our marriage.

Comments

thinkthrice's picture

No advise other than to do blackbelt guerilla psychological warfare for your own sanity's sake.

YSS 15.5 PASed out over a homecooked meal when he was stb 7.  We heard NOTHING from the Girhippo.  She totally believed that we were "punishing YSS for eating too slowly"

Seriously?  Didn't even bother to call Chef to find out the true story.  Just believed a 7 yr old verbatim.   This was shortly after she told us that the ONLY way to correspond with her would be via her attorney.  No mail, no email, no phone calls, nothing.  Even over any minor detail.  Then she had the BALLS to tell the court magistrate that she was trying to "foster a healthy relationship between skids and Chef."   That statement alone would be hilarious if it wasn't so sick.

UGH the defensiveness.  No doubt you've heard the "diet coke" story.  And the sibling fighting--SD karate kicking YSS in the face and the head--I'd call them animals if it weren't so insulting to our furry friends!

You have my sympathies!

I.just.cant's picture

Omg totally and whT does the genius mom do when they have been getting in trouble for hitting at school and home? She puts them on karate where there is more contact. What a moron 

Iamwoman's picture

Wait.

He is allowing his children to physically abuse you, and all you are worried about is whether or not their apology is genuine???

I wouldn’t even stick around long enough for an apology, fake or real. 

The hitting? The staring creepily? Sitting at the table for hours all day? This kid is psychotic.

Your worries are correct in that it will not get better if your DH gets full custody. 

1. Your skids are showing signs of psychosis - not just normal post-divorce emotions

2. Your DH allows his children to physically abuse you

3. His ex is a psycho (FYI, setting a car on fire is so far from normal, I don’t even know what to say to this)

4. Obviously the psycho gene has been passed from the ex down to the skids (genetics can’t change - parenting psycho kids will be a brutal uphill battle all the way)

5. You must protect your own daughter

 

I think you know the answer to this situation but you’re hoping for a better solution. I can offer no other solution than exiting this horrendous mess as quick as possible.

justmakingthebest's picture

You are  going to have to be the one to create appropriate behavoir in your home. Don't look to your DH when something happens. (it seems like your DH isn't a spanker- and I would never spank a step personally-- too much could be thrown up at you with BM) When a child hits you, you pick them up and set them in the corner and tell them they are in time out. When they get up, hit again, so on- you put them back in it. If that doesn't work, they go in the bedroom. Time out there. Treat them the same way you would your own. IF you DH has a problem with this- tell them both to leave the house because now they are BOTH in time out. One for hitting, the other for not parenting!

I.just.cant's picture

He is a Spank her and after I got hit in the face with the book and you talk to him and then the kids came over and said I’m sorry for hitting you. I told my husband I said what are you serious you just talk to him he he picked up a book and hit me in the face. And then my husband gets defensive and says what do you want me to do about it can you grab his belt and spanks him and said is that what you wanted and he makes me feel bad for the kid getting punished for hitting me in the face with a book

justmakingthebest's picture

First off what the hell is your husband thinking- #1 hitting with a belt is wrong and I was a spanker. Using an object and not your hand means you don't know how hard you are hitting. #2 being nasty to you while spanking his son makes you look like a monster who did this to him in the eyes of the child. 

You and DH need a serious sit down over discipline in your home. What behavior is expected from the kids and how you will- AS A TEAM- handle it. Also, good behavior charts with rewards are a great way to reinforce the behavior that you want. If DH sees that you have a plan for rewards too, he might be on board. 

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

Take out the how and my biggest issue is really that he punished the kid while confronting you... All that's going to do is cause spite in the eyes of the skid and make the relationship worse... What he's getting from that is "daddy isn't going to punish me, BUT if she says something he does... This is her fault." That's not solving anything.

ndc's picture

Do you actually fear that these kids will hurt your daughter?  If so, I'd tell DH he needs to get his kids under control (by whatever means he can do it, including therapy, etc.) and if he did not immediately start making very definite steps in that direction, I'd be gone.  They're already physically harming you, between biting and bashing you in the face, and you're an adult.  Imagine what they could do to your child.  

I.just.cant's picture

They are both already in therapy the seven year old twice a month and the 3 once a month

MoominMama's picture

Please get yourself out of this situation before your daughter either gets hurt or  becomes like them.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

You married into crazy. It will not get better. As a mother, you have a duty to protect your child and put her needs before your own. Please do that.