Sorta new and struggling bad!!!
This might be long but I keep most of the struggles to myself. I've currently been with my fiance for two-and-a-half years and he has a seven-year-old daughter with his ex-wife. I don't necessarily like her but I don't hate her at the same time. My biggest issues come from the way that she acts in the way that she treats her daughter. She lets her have control of every situation and it becomes very frustrating on our end because we uphold the rules and make sure that she studies and gets to bed on time and gets to school on time. But when she was with her mother that all goes out the door and if she doesn't follow the rules she'll still get rewarded so in the end of the day we look like the bad guys. For example this morning her mom text my fiance and said that she wasn't going to take her to school because they only had a half day and there were only two more days left of school. But we have been taking her to school every day since the second term because she was missing so many days of school and that's the reason why we had primary custody of her during this entire school year. So instead of discussing with us whether she wanted to take her to school or not she asked my fiance's daughter if she wanted to go to school, and of course like any other seven-year-old she said she didn't want to. The unfortunate thing about this is that she is going to a new school next year so all of her friends at the school will never see her again so we wanted her to have that last goodbye with them. But her mom is really good friends with one of her classmates moms so she said that that was a good enough that she was going to see this one kid over summer than the other ones didn't really matter.
One of the other major things is that she has a boyfriend who also has a daughter and since she started dating this guy she has called this other girl and my fiance's daughter sisters which I think is a little out of line considering they have been together for about a year they're not engaged or married and have no plans to be. Another issue to me is that she is trying to convince Sophia that this other girl's grandparents are also her grandparents.
I feel at this point even though I've been around for almost 3 years that is inappropriate for me to say that Sophia is my stepdaughter or for her to say I am her stepmother without her making that choice on her own. The same when it comes to my mom I don't expect Sofia to call her her grandmother or to call my sister her aunt because that's not a choice that she has made for herself.
I feel like most of my issues get pushed to the side and people don't see them as big deal but in my eyes they are a huge deal and it's gotten to the point where I have really bad anxiety about it most days and I become obsessed with how she is being treated or how she's acting when she is away from us. I feel like it's affecting my relationship with my fiance to the point that some days I question if it's worth staying for. I guess I just don't know what to do and how to proceed.
We are moving to a new home in the next couple months and Sophia will be with us and going to a new school but at this point her mother is looking to buy a new place as well and I am actually terrified that she is going to choose a place closer to us which I felt would cause way more problems and I want to get this sorted out before I actually get married and proceed with this. Again the issue isn't with my fiance or his daughter, I love both of them to death and would do anything for them. My only issue comes from the relationship with her mother and how to deal with the different parenting styles. Maybe I'm making more of this than I should but I really just don't know what to do and I'm hoping that somebody has been through something somewhat similar.