"you knew what you were getting into...." um...none of us did
I hate the line people give you (especially significant others) whenever you have a grievance about skid:
You knew what you were getting into when you continued your relationship with a man + child
Um....I'm pretty sure none of us did.
My ex had a child, ss9. He was nothing like DH. No visitation schedule, no CS, he rarely changed what he was doing to accommodate skid. He just brought him with. I'm not saying that's right, but my first taste of "Step-mom" was to not even be considered a "step mom". I was a walking checkbook and nothing else. If it was all "butterflies and rainbows" I was allowed to have an opinion, but anything else? You're not his mom. I'm the parent, not you. Stay out of it.
That exists with most Steps today. But to go from my exes parenting style vs my DH...
Ex boyfriend's BM and I actually spoke three times in a two year period. She disliked me, but we did talk. She told me I was "just a phase" and they were going to get back together as soon as he left me. *side-note: he cheated on me,(I left immediately) married said woman he cheated with because she got pregnant, then BM took him to court for all she had and now his new wife is stuck paying everything because his CS is so high. Haha. Karma.
Dh didn't have a visitation schedule when I first met him. He alternated between 2 evenings M-F and one full weekend day or three evenings. Equaled about 10 evenings/month(3p.m.-930p.m.) and two weekend full days 8a.m.-9p.m. or later. SS wasn't old enough to be in school yet, and since BM never enforced a "bed time", SS didn't mind being with DH late.
BM never allowed DH to have any overnights until he brought her to court. She used SS as a pawn to get what she wanted, guilt-tripping DH and be-little him any chance she got for him leaving her. Drop off was always a disaster, with SS hitting BM and screaming and crying as he reached out to DH, DH crying as he would walk out the door. Then DH would be in a snit the rest of the night. I learned a long time ago to not expect anything from him 3 out of 7 days a week. Holidays were hell. He was lucky to get SS for even a few hours if at all. BM always let DH know how "nice" she was for "allowing" him to see "her son".
Dh got so tired of the last minute schedule changes and mind F's that he saved up to hire himself a lawyer to establish his rights. Then everything imploded.
Now DH saw SS a minimum of 4 overnights/month and anywhere from 12 or more days of half-day visits. This didn't include holidays. The neat-freak rarely cleaned. Errands didn't get done on SS time. Money flew out the window if it was DH holiday with skid, because he was "making up for lost time". The holiday schedule caused chaos. BM, who at first was tolerable, became a psycho when she couldn't continue her games with the schedule manipulation. Since she could no longer control WHEN DH saw SS, she decided to use everything else involving SS as a weapon. Random texts, random pictures of SS on days when he didn't have him with some type of "guilt educing message", unlimited doctor visits and requests to come to the appointments at ridiculous times on non-skid days, snide comments at DH during pick up and drop off (if she was even there).
The only people I know personally that have skids, that got married and are happy: the ones who have an 'us baby' and the OP isn't in the picture anymore, or the skid has "aged out". Even my SIL was just over last non-skid weekend to vent about her skid and her ex. She married a man with two kids and she has two of her own. They both have a visitation schedule, but as soon as "the exes" found out they were getting re-married all heck broke loose and now they are miserable. It doesn't stop. It never stops. It's like all BM/BD mentality is "I don't want you, but I don't want anybody else to want you either". The old "if I can't have you, nobody can" is fun too. Not.
I'm sure all of us love our DH or DW very much. I know skid didn't ask for us to be in the picture. Well, we didn't always dream of our first family starting off with a skid either. Add the resentment of not being able to have a child of your own due to $400+ going to BM every month, not including anything extra you have to get for the skids when they are over....hearing about all of skid and BM "awesome vacations" from either skid or BM sending pics to DH.... while you are trying to figure out if you can pay for the repairs on your car and still eat this month....
But "you knew"...????
We had No. Idea.