You are here

Can I vent about the bm for a moment? I am just soooo irritated right now

lil_teapot's picture

We've had the skids for 9 days straight because troll had to go out of town. She emailed fh at the last minute to let him know. It's been a rough couple of weeks now with them home day and night after school/hockey. Frankly, even if they were my bio kids, I'd need a break.
So evil skank of the universe returns yesterday...but can't take her kid to hockey...who knows why. FH was somehow informed...I was too irritated to ask because that opens a whole other can of worms of how's she communicating with you, why didn't you tell me, yadda yadda yadda. So we're stuck with the skids yet again.
Now, we're supposed to be back on the regular schedule, according to the stinky slimy blob of puss that gave birth to the that means I have them again tonight {sigh}.
Why I'm bitching is because ss13's b'day is Sunday and bm has them. Ok, how is it that she can go away for 9 days(this trip alone...she's been gone for longer before)and manage to get them on a holiday/birthday? It's just bullsh*t! Don't even get me started...she's already planning on ruining ss12's big 13th party in July because one of her relatives is having a 25th anniversary and she's gonna host it at her house...but ss12 can open his cards that cake or singing or anything. He's heated!!! But gettign back to ss13's birthday this has nothing planned and I'm just feeling salty. How can she just waltz in and out of our lives, disrupting everything and then split whenever she feels like it?! I can't help but feel sorry for the skids because she's not a mother...a feral dingo would be a better mother.
What I'm really frustrated about is the UNFAIRNESS of the whole deal...we get stuck w/the skids so we can't do anything to further our relationship like normal adults do when they're not married but want to be... Plus it's like, when she's back, shouldn't she take the skids for an equal number of days so we can have time to ourselves???? Is that so much to ask????
I'm not saying I don't love the skids or dont want them there, but it's like, why is everything, everything, so damn unfair???!!!!
Seriously, it's this type of stuff that makes me wonder if I really am cut out for this job. I feel underappreciated, overworked, and generally not loved enough. Where the hell is "MINE"? Where are the things I need???? How the hell are we supposed to form a strong foundation to get married on, when all we do is chores and parenting??? I mean, where's the romance, the fun, the ANYTHING other than being responsible for everyone and everything?!
Ok I feel kinda better. Thanks for listening


Endora's picture

As a blended family-according to the "experts" our honeymoon comes after-after skids/kids are grown up and BM falls off the face of the planet for good (if we manage to outlive all of this crap) and we are weary war torn survivors of it all-SOME HONEYMOON to look forawrd to!

Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!

lil_teapot's picture

but it was to slam me saying, "you wouldn't be happy unless Mrs.Troll was dead..." Of course he had to throw that at me in a fight over something entirely unrelated, but he always fights dirty. So I said, "No...YOU'D still be alive making me miserable."lol
I am not so certain I'm going to make it to the honeymoon years.

sarahbernheart's picture

was her being gone for 9 days..ok insert sarcasm.
I would not count on any quality time until exw falls off the face of the earth.

"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."

lil_teapot's picture

It was like a giant weight had been lifted knowing she was gone...I wouldn't have to see her, run into her, or deal with any of her bullshit. That's why I don't mind when she's gone...peace and biobitch

squeegie_beckenheimer's picture

Holy crap! I can completely relate to your complaints. The first several years of my relationship with my (now) husband were scarily similar! BM was ALWAYS switching around the schedule on us. She always had a trip to go on, a concert to go to, a party to go to, diseases to spread, etc. (OK, that last one might not have been on her list of reasons, but it certainly applies!) I did not understand it; we had the kids every other week just like she did. We did our non-kids stuff on the weeks without the kids. If something fell on a week we did have the kids, we either found a baby-sitter or *here's a shocker* didn't go. BM doesn't even consider this. She never has.

The constant schedule switching was not only a pain to us, but it was confusing to the kids. They LIKE routine. I recently looked at a calendar from 2007. That June, BM weaseled her way out of 4 of 5 weekends, plus went on a road trip for a week or so. I counted the days that BM did have the kids & it was a whopping 9 days that month. Then, for most of July, former SD11 went to her father's & SD8 was with my husband's parents, so BM got another month away from "her girls". Did BM ever make up the extra days we had the kids? No. Did she even offer, maybe like a weekend? Nope. So I know how you feel there.

One day, my husband just started saying NO to her. BM was livid. It took her a while to grasp the concept of us not being her automatic baby-sitter. But eventually she stopped asking. Ironically, within 6 months of us putting our foot down, her parents moved here from several states away. Now she has new automatic baby-sitters! How convenient! I guess it's better than her dragging the kids to inappropriate places like she was doing for a while.

If the BM you deal with is like ours, just be warned! We quickly learned that when we put down our foot about one thing & she gives up on that, she starts something new. It's like a game to her. We just keep saying no & try our best to ignore her pathetic attempts to get our attention.

lil_teapot's picture

If she ever offered it would be a change in all our lives for the better. I wouldn't be so resentful of fh and his issues and I wouldn't hate her guts so much. But she will never, ever offer to take them...she's a miserable miserable rotten monster. And I just am always shocked...wouldn't the logical, fair thing to do be for her to call and say,"Hey, I know I was gone 9 days, how bout I take the kids?" Nope not a peep ever.
FH just won't put his foot down...I could just hit him with a hammer and pound the crap outta him I get so mad and frustrated. I he could call and say, "Biobitch you were gone 9 days, now it's your get them until such-and-such date. Click" But he has absolutely no balls when it comes to her...defend her to the death. And I get so sick and tired of it...I'm not sure how much I'm going to take. I mean, I'm already looking at apartments/houses that fh doesn't know about...that's how close I am to getting gone. It's not what I want but I just know in my heart I can't go on suffering and I deserve sooooo much better than this. I'm not saying I'm gods gift to the world, but I do know that I am a good person who doesn't deserve to live a miserable life being emotionally and mentally battered, while this evil rotten troll runs around getting her warty ass kissed.
I am trying to get fh to put his foot down with biobitch but it's hard...he's a ball-less wonder when it comes to her.
I think you're right though, if he would stand up to her she'd fidn someone else to use.

melis070179's picture

Okay so why didn't she make up the days that you took them for her?

"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"

lil_teapot's picture

It just goes right back to our usual schedule which is pretty much most days/weekends. FH needs to make her but he's missing his

sam's picture

also put your foot down and dont let her control your lives.We also had a rough start because everytime i turned around someone was moving in or moving out and constant harrassment from biobitch.You have to start living your lives together if there isnt a relationship there is nothing to build on and if skids see you happy and your dh happy that is what they will learn from you.Take the control freak out of your lives and set her straight!!!

lil_teapot's picture

You're so right! I'm trying to get fh to see that bm is controlling our lives, but he jumps right into "defend her to the death' mode and I cant get anywhere. I'm about ready to say screw you, screw her, and screw your kids...I'm outta here! Somebody in that house better grow a pair and start defending me or I'm going to be gone...start a new life where I can find someone who WILL defend me and who actually owns a pair of balls!

sam's picture

that he has one choice and one choice only that he needs to move on from her otherwise if you stay together there will be issues.He needs to step up and be on your side of the fence.Tell him like it is and if he doesnt like it tell him if he wants to cater to biobitch than he can move back with her.You have a right to opinions and respect.

LizzieA's picture

how he would react if you did step away and HE alone was at her back and call? Betcha he'd get fed up pretty quick...