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iamlosingit's picture

It's visitation weekend

We are grilling

Ss and I are breaking ice on the driveway and laughing

We are having SO MUCH FUN AS A "FAMILY"

It's amazing

And I'm crushed

And all I can think about

Is if he met ME first

Ss would be "ours"

All I feel is loathing....and regret...and sadness

I hate myself

There will never be a "US" baby

I'm slowly dying inside every visitation


ndc's picture

Sending hugs.  

Is the reason for no "us" baby physical, financial, because he doesn't want any more children or some other reason I'm not thinking of?  The answer to that would certainly instruct my next move if I was you.  You don't want to live with regret.

iamlosingit's picture

Financial is the biggest one.  DH has to carry all the health insurance for ss because BM told the judge she couldn't afford it.  She brings ss to the doctor for every.little.thing. without consulting dh on any of it.  We also have no way to enforce her court ordered 60% payment of the bills so we are always broke because we owe THOUSANDS of dollars.  Another huge factor is dh is in his mid 30's...I don't want to be raising a child basically by myself because DH doens't have the energy or the extra time.  Almost any day he doesn't have ss  he is working overtime to catch up on bills, that woulnd't change if we had a bio.

DaniellaR's picture

If you want a child and your partner does not, that is a very important issue and would be a relationship ender. Having a child is one of those huge, important decisionsions in life and one that I think it non-negotiable in a relationship. First off, I think it is selfish for a man to have his own child with another woman and then try to deny his life partner of the same experience while saddling her with parent duties. NOPE, NO, HELL NO. You should not negotiate on this. I don't care how in love or how amazing you think this man is. He is not amazing and he is simply not worth it. There are plenty of men out there that would be better life partners. You should not settle on this. 

Aniki-Moderator's picture


This was a relationship killer for me. My exh originally agreed to one child (one was all I wanted). After years of trying and fertility tests, and all of the prodding/poking, he finally confessed he was GLAD I wasn't getting pregnant because he did not really want it. He'd lied to get the ring on my finger and that a baby would be a MISTAKE he'd have to live with.

You need to soul search and decide if a baby is more important than this marriage. If not, please get some counselling to help you work on your resentment.

Aniki-Moderator's picture


pixielady's picture

can find a solution. Is IVF, donor eggs, donor embryos an option at all? 

iamlosingit's picture

Pretty sure I'm capable of having one...but we can't afford it.  We can barely afford ss.  If dh didn't have my help financially he would be living in his truck or a studio apartment in a horrible neighborhood.  He can't even afford ss on his own with his cs and other financial obligations.