OT-I'm under attack but feel guilty for "fighting back"
So on Friday I received a nasty email from "rich aunt". It was long, but to summarize:
I am a POS for not helping out with my mom and brother
My dad is a POS for not being able to afford to rent a larger space to accommodate his now 24 y/o son
My other grandparents are a POS for not helping out with my brother.
My other aunt and her daughter have helped my mom in the past.
We (dad, me, dad parents) are horrible people for "not helping".
She is using "her gas" to drive my mom to look at places because I guess she(mom) is getting kicked out of the program she is at due to not paying. I thought the state was covering her stay. None of this is making sense.
My dad needs to get his parents to give him money to rent a $600 apartment (in what world? 1 bdrms here start at $650) to get my brother out of grandparents house.
At first I almost got myself into a breakdown state at work....but something in me "snapped". Before I realized what I was doing, I had emailed my aunt back and reminded her:
1. I raised my brother from the age of 11-18. I think I became his PCA when he was 10...I'd really have to think back. I was his PCA until he 'aged out' of the system at 18. However it turned into a "do all" for my mom as well. Dr appts, conferences, picking up prescriptions for both of them, grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning the house, picking up pet food for her cat and his 'pet of the month', buying moms damn cigarettes, I did it ALL.
2. Parent's divorced 10 years ago when my brother was 14. When I had to file bankruptcy due to my father not paying the rent after I moved out of our rental, I asked his parents for help. They didn't offer anything. They aren't going to offer anything for my brother. Yes they are aware of everything going on with him, but they just say "thats sad" and change the subject. We've never been close with them. I have not seen or spoke to them in two years.
3. I have called over 30 places for elder care (despite mom's wants, she is unable to mentally live alone un-supervised. she will get evicted again) and sadly in this state most only take you if you are 65+ y/o, and the ones who accept 55 have a 4+ long waiting list and require at least $1200/month. She does not have that.
4. My brother (see past blogs if interested) has a drinking problem. And he has a terminal illness. I called a program that offers assistance to people with his illness and told him he was on the verge of homelessness: they said the state programs are running out of money so he needs to have some sort of income to even qualify for any housing other than a homeless shelter. She said our state just doesn't have anything for people like him unless he has social security. I looked into this back in March, and I attached that email to the one I sent my aunt. I also added that since she "unfriended" my brother on Facebook, that she doesn't see all the comments I have sent him regarding help and programs offered to people with his illness and alcoholism. We can't force him to sign up for treatment, he thinks he can stop on his own.
5. I also offered to attach the list of places I called for mom to stay at and the reasons why she can't go there.
I have received no response. I feel bad, but when is enough enough? Is over 5 years of doing everything not enough for them? I lost my teen years running that house, going to school, babysitting every single Friday night (before the divorce) when is it "my turn" to live my life? You cant shove a silver spoon at someone (aka my brother) all their life and get mad when you can't take the spoon away. I have nothing to offer them. I'm trying to keep my household afloat. We have a house, I have responsibilities dammit...rich aunt doesn't work....is she going to pay my mortgage when I lose my job due to my time and money going elsewhere to "help"? Is she going to buy me a new car when my 11 year old car craps on itself due to all the running around to "help?" We didn't ask for any help moving, cleaning, we very rarely ask for help. When my cousin helped my dh and I they rented a room to us for about 3 years (can't remember exact) but we were paying them rent. We bought our own food and hygene items etc. My brother has no money. At all. He would just squat.
Sorry this is so long. I''m not giving in, but I feel like a snake eating my own tail. No means no. I don't need another "Thanksgiving" repeat like last year.
Should I feel bad for not doing anything?