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Does DH's family help BM out with skids (for example babysitting for her) during BM's scheduled days?

Catlover's picture

DH and BM have 50/50 custody, on an every other day schedule. DH and BM had a very nasty divorce due to BM cheating on DH with her now husband. BM told the court that she could only have the kids on her days off since she and SD are both EMTs that work 24 hour shifts (together naturally). Funny thing is that even with this arrangement BM seems to always have conflicts that require her to dump the kids off (partying, her various volunteer jobs etc). So what does she do? She calls DH's brother and sister in law to babysit the kids. Even DH's mom has helped BM with watching the kids for BM on BM's days. DH's mom has continued to buy BM christmas gifts because "she'll always be the mother of my grandkids" (umm so am I!) DH's brother and sister in law also go out with BM and her new hubby. DH of course is deeply hurt and feels that his family is betraying him by doing this.

I'm just wondering, does your DH's (or DW's) family "help" the BM(or BD)out with child care or gifts while the kids are with BM?? What's your opinion on them if they were to do so?

soverysad's picture

Nope, dh and I get stuck with the little creature when her mother is working. The inlaws would do it though if they lived closer. Right now they don't speak to her, but they would if she reached out to them. I get the sense they're chomping at the bit to repair that relationship.

"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!

MarriedwithChild's picture

She is STILL buying her Christmas gifts?!!! Um. No.

Ditto to the above. DH and I both get the "lucky" job...all the kids for four days...straight while bm goes to the YMCA and wastes her time on dating sites. (not one courter, yet...)

folkmom's picture

x

TheWife's picture

yep, they do. They even have babysat for her son that isn't DH's. They are sorry sap suckers, in my opinion. Her family NEVER watches her kids. Her family are sorry sap suckers too, tho.

Get this: Her dad lives CLOSER to us than my in laws do.

~*~When you kiss ass, your breath smells like sh*t~*~

StepChicka's picture

My mother watches my kids on XH's time but she's doing it so she can see them...not to help him so much. Not to say that he's never asked (usually its work related) but this is rare.

I don't care really because we get along. My mom still buys XH b-day and xmas gifts but lieu of the her grandkids. I don't get no love from his side. So unfair!

SD's mom never asks for help from DH's side and never has received a gift as far as I know. If they did I wouldn't care.

dsngrl's picture

how about this.. next time she drops the kids off with his brother, go pick them up and spend time with the skids. Tell BM if she needs a sitter then it can be you and DH.

I seriously cannot see why people put up with this crap?

DH's parents were getting too involved with BM and her daughter (not DH's) and I put a stop to it. (we moved the p/u / dropoff location so that they dont see each other anymore) However, DH's dad still fought me on this communications issue and tried to negotiate.. are you kidding me?.. We havent heard a peep about any of this since. I know I seem controlling and cruel in their eyes, but I dont care. I refuse to be a doormat.

stepmom008's picture

Nope - they have nothing to do with each other. My IL's can't stand Wilda and they don't even acknowledge her when we all have to be in the same room. I'm sure if there was a pinch where she had an actual valid reason for missing time with SD (haven't heard one yet) and Poor Sucker and her parents couldn't watch her AND if BF and I couldn't watch her, they would step in, but it'll never happen.

"There are two things over which you have complete dominion, authority, and control over - your mind and your mouth".

JPS4457's picture

Oh yeah. My hubby's Mother talks loads and loads of sh** about the ex wife, but yet the second she calls, grandma comes running. It's pathetic. Then when we go over to grandma's w/the kids or whatever, she bitch, bitches, BITCHES tO ME the entire time about what a horrible mother, and a bitch the ex wife is. I feel like saying, then why are you spending so much time talking asbout her? I don't give a crap about the ex-- that's something i'd like to forget, and im sure you all can understand., the past is the past. It's gotten so bad that I've had to get my hubby involved with telling her to cut she sh**. Everytime we get together she like corners me and talks sh** about the ex. But yet, she's there for the ex at her beck and call..whenever she wants to go out partying or has to "work late" aka go to the bar and dumps the kids off at grandma's, but she wouldn't hesitate to talk sh** about my hubby's mother because she does it all the time. You'd think she'd realize that she's helping out the ex..not the kids, This pisses me off the no end.

starfish's picture

My MIL does everything short of washing BMs ass if asked...... she says "she can't stand the opportunist bitch, but does it for the kids", but really gifts, lunch parties???? just recently on our weekend mil planned bday party for sd13 at her house, invited bm, bm's family, the whole trailer park they live in and didn't mention it to dh & myself until we get an invitation from sd wed before sat party..... DH went off on MIL AGAIN about interacting with bm.... told her AGAIN he HATES bm, so it is best for them not to be around each other...

we are always pleasant to bm when we have to see her (which is rare & brief) for the kids, but you can't fake it for an afternoon...... i often wonder what kind of message MIL is sending and to who??? it drives me crazy -- to me it is disrespect to dh, myself & our marriage....

Marie09's picture

YUP MIL is BFF with BM. DH cut contact with MIL about 5 months ago due to this too. MIL & BM were celebrating holidays together and she would watch the kids for BM. And not tell DH that was doing so. MIL and I do not have a relationship b/c of it. But honestly since DH doesnt talk to her, it makes no difference to me!! MIL used the same she is the mother of my grandkids deal too. I DO understand that but she can see and interact with the kids when WE have them. But its b/c she wants to continue a relationship with BM, but it cost her, her relationshop with her son!!

dsngrl's picture

WHOAH!!! this is the EXACT same thing we are going through.. these grandparents dont seem to care that their interactions will cost them a relationship with their son?? what planet are they from?? I flat out told my MIL, that that is the reason why her and I dont have a close relationship (because she interacts with BM)... and even still.. these nitwits dont get it???

stepmom31's picture

I know DH's family would do this. It's because they'd be glad for the extra time with the kids, not necessarily to go out of their way to do BM any favors. BM isn't in their good books but she's treated with respect for the sake of the kids.