OMG it's Deja Vu with my family all over again....
You guys aren't going to believe this.
Guess who texted me that she's hosting Thanksgiving again this year? My cousin that lives over two hours away!
This is seriously Deja Vu...
Cousin is hosting Thanksgiving, "Rich Aunt" JUST replaced trained guard dog last month so she will be "unavailable" to drive my mom and brother due to her husband driving with dog and her having to drive my grandparents....
Cousin in law will not go again because he always has to work day after thanksgiving, so his wife will also ride with "rich aunt"/her mom, leaving no room in vehicle.
Mom and brother will be stuck at home AGAIN and I bet I will receive ANOTHER last-minute text saying "tough luck, you have your mom and brother for Thanksgiving".
I already told my cousin we can't go because we have SS this year from 12-8 p.m.. and DH isn't going to want to spend 4+ hours in the car for his holiday visitation, An issue that I brought up on my "elder care and family paroblems" blog last year when we didn't have SS.
I also already told my cousin "better coordinate rides for everyone because I am NOT hosting this year, we can't afford it."
I have a bad feeling about this. But I am putting my foot down. If mom and brother get stuck at home, I'm sorry but I don't care. I am NOT doing this AGAIN.
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Comments
If you don't want to go to
If you don't want to go to your extended family's Tgiving gathering, and you don't want to host your mother and brother, and you don't want to be responsible for their transportation or what they do if they have nowhere else to go, then I think you just need to be very upfront with your mother, your brother and whomever it is that will try to guilt you at the last minute into doing something more. Tell them now what your limitations are and what you are NOT going to do this year, and then stick to it. I don't think it's right for you to tell your cousin to coordinate rides for everyone - I'm not sure how that's your cousin's job. Your extended family can hold their Thanksgiving celebration wherever they want, invite whomever they want and arrange transportation for whomever they want. That's out of your control. What is within your control is what you are willing and able to do, so just communicate it early and then ignore any ensuing drama.
Cousing took it upon herself
Cousing took it upon herself to plan everything (aka ordered entire family around for everything) and coordinate rides last year. I told her over a month in advance that we were not going and going to my husbands side instead, she threw a fit less than a week before thanksgiving because she decided that not only were we going anyway,(wouldn't take no for an answer) but that we were the ones that were going to pick up my mom and brother and bring them (NO prior discussion regarding this). She didn't discuss anything with me, she then decided since we weren't driving them that we could just host a Thanksgiving at our house. If I do not tell her now, she is going to "assume" again like last year.
If it’s a money issue
can’t you get your mother and brother to chip in for Thanksgiving dinner. Or buy the Turkey, and the beer soda, pies. That just leaves the sides and the work.
mom and brother are on
mom and brother are on assistance. They have no money. Nobody that ended up at our house last year brought anything except DH grandma brought a jello salad, I had to put the entire Thanksgiving on my credit card. We had no plans of hosting last year, it was less than three days notice thanks to cousin.
I would be texting my cousin
I would be texting my cousin back.. "oh... sounds like fun.. unfortunately, I can't make it this year.. we have plans".
period. don't say any more... don't offer excuses other than "we have plans'... can't make it sorry. My mom and brother? Oh.. I don't know what their plans are.. you should ask them.
I did that last year and
I did that last year and ended up being forced into hosting instead. I'm just trying to prevent the same thing from happening again.
I don't see how you can be
I don't see how you can be forced into anything. You tell her right now. We are unable to attend your celebration. We have other plans out of the house.
If she counters with questions about mom and brother... you just say.. I don't know their plans.. you have to ask them. I am not going to be around so I dont' know what they will be doing.
And.. you hold fast... "your mom and brother will be alone.. " "not my problem.. or no.. they will be with each other".
I'm serious.. be up front and blunt with your cousin if needed.
"Oh.. sorry we won't be able to make it. AND.. I want to be clear about this.. our plans do not include my mom and brother... and we will be unavailable to give them rides or host them at our home... I am not going to have a repeat of last year... you want them taken care of? you do it"
She can be mad at you.. blame you for all the ills of the world and call you a cold hearted B. In reality, SHE is the one causing the problem.. do NOT shoulder guilt that she is trying to offload on you. If you don't trust yourself to stand up to her.. BLOCK her number. Do not talk to her... ever again. I mean...with family like that.. who needs em?
I think your cousin is pretty
I think your cousin is pretty rude. Your mom and brother live with your grandparents and should be included in the plans. Yes, they are adults but cannot be left alone so arrangements need to be made to include them. How can your grandparents be okay, just leaving them on their own like that? Why doesn't everybody come to your grandparents and prepare the meal there? Seems like it is closer for everyone (except for rude cousin).
My adult niece and her 3 kids are currently living with my sister (& her BF). I would not invite my sister & her BF over for the holidays and tell her that my niece is on her own and needs to just do her own thing.
It was so last minute and
It was so last minute and everyone was so quick to assume I was going to "handle it" that grandma just panicked and told me if I didn't do it she was going anyway and leaving both of them there. Considering last year there was a physical altercation between mom and my brother, I just couldn't leave them. Plus knowing my grandparents were getting picked up and mom/brother were getting left behind just crushed me; I can't imagine what that would feel like staring out the window watching everyone happy and leaving without them, they love the holidays.
Then our plans with Dh family kind of went nuts and his side decided to join us. Normally we would all go to grandparents house but now that mom and brother are living in the basement it makes hosting holidays hard for them. Also age/health issues don't help anyone either.