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Step Mom / Step Dad Hypocrisy

Hereitgoesagain's picture

Anyone else have the issue where step dad can do no wrong? He can claim ownership of a SK, do anything with them he wants, but as soon as you do one thing (as the stepmom) you are taking away BM's role. All in regards to the same child. Just I am the step mom and dipsh*t MaGee is the SF. I've been around for 10 years, he's going on 2. lol How do you get past that? Or do you just keep on keeping on, and ignore the W****?

Comments

Areyou's picture

Don’t do anything for his kids and let him do everything for your kids. You go and put your feet up and have an ice cold iced tea on the deck. You don’t want BMs role anyway. Enjoy 

Hereitgoesagain's picture

I probably should clarify, I don't have any biokids. I'm referencing my SD's Step Father. 

TwoOfUs's picture

Yep. Good old sexist stereotypes at play. 

Stepdad “stepped up” to take care of another man’s responsibility. Stepdad is savior and warrior for BM and skids. 

Stepmom is a interloper who is trying to steal daddy away from his rightful heirs and take all his $$$. 

Nevermind that in 40% of households now the woman is the higher earner...and in 90% of households, both partners bring in an income. 

And nevermind that, in a great number of blended family situations, the dad is paying out so much in CS and extras that SM is significantly subsidizing HIS responsibilities (meanwhile, stepdad gets to enjoy a boost to his household income).

And nevermind that women tend to be much better at communication and nourishing and facilitating relationships than men...so many stepmoms find themselves in the position of helping their DHs maintain a relationship with children who openly disrespect and despise them...all while the BM does everything in her power to PAS the kids against their own dad. 

Nope. Don’t worry about all the data and studies. Stepmoms are just horrible usurpers trying to get in between kids and dadddeeee!!!

Iamwoman's picture

Well said Twoofus. The old double standard.

Women are forever villianized if we try to do anything other than be a doormat for everyone around us.

Men are heroes for just about anything they do other than sitting on a$$.

theoldredhen's picture

Dang, TwoOfUs!

You're full of spit and vinegar today! Go get 'em, girl! Clapping

saruhhh_04's picture

I could not have expressed the frustrations better myself!

If I can add one thing: when I am accidently called "mom", everyone freaks and lectures SS (and even myself at times) that I am not his mom and he needs to stop calling me that because BM will get angry. Let me clarify, I have never asked or encouraged him to call me mom. But, lately he has been calling BM's boyfriend 'dad', and he is rarely corrected. People tend to brush it off like it is no big deal.

Maria10's picture

Me(sm to two BMs)

College degree, highest earner, bought a house with enough rooms for all of us, owned my own car since I was 17, pay my own bills. Dh and I discipline together and there are boundaries to be respected.. Cook with/ for the kids. Spend time as a family doing things we all like.

Sf1

No college degree, bought a new truck, income at the limit before having biochild 1 a few mos ago. Bm continually runs out of money for groceries as she is still an alcoholic with very poor hygene habits.Does not have enough savings for a down paymemt for a house nor the credit to get one. Possibly a gambling problem. Has lost his job three times since I have known him.( meh- I could chalk that one to him being in the trades and a contract expiring). No d o scipline or boundaries, video games and take out all the time.

SF2

Met BM at bar. Possible alcohol problem. Lived with BM at his parents house for 1.5 years. Then moved to a rental of their own. Kudos for having steady job for a few years(yaya SF2). Does not discipline or take ca re of SS6 at all just"watches" him. Meaning he plays videogames while ss finds things to do and get into. Sometimes SS6 plays hours of games on Sf phone( witnessed not an assumption). No feeding or bathing ss6 either but lets him go feed himself.

According to DisneyMIL these men have "stepped up" and are taking great care of the grandkids but her son is the worst dad. Then she goes and delivers a car full of groceries to BM1 because that is the only way her grandson gets to eat. After BM1 she goes to BM2 where she buys her grandkid diapers, clothes that fit and bodywash necause otherwise her grandson won't be washed clothed or changed.( No joke these things have actually happened). Then she comes over to my house uninvited and asks to borrow money to get home bc sje " spent it all on the gkids like my DH should've done". 

Edit: SS12 once tried to call me mom. I told hhim to call me by name. A few months later he called SF1 dad in front of my DH. He got corrected by me and explained that his dad and mom are blood relations and he should refer to SF by name like he does me. ( No sexism in my home!)

 

twoviewpoints's picture

How often did you and Dad have the child with you in your home during the years BM lived in a different state/s? 

Even with ten years in, in some cases it is still possible with the stepparent who has only two years in to have spent much more time with the child the the one with ten years in. No, that's no excuse for what you say , such as the SF taking ownership. What's up with "ownership"? 

Stepping on Mom's toes or at least BM believing a stepmom is, can be pretty touchy for a mother. There are plenty of blogs and forum postings here about taking daughters to get hair done, buying first bra (bras, period), or anything 'girly' with the stepchild.... GUBMs believe those areas all belong solely to the mother, lol.  Where sometimes with boys , it's touchy if SF is taking the male stepkids hunting or being their volunteer baseball coach.

So what was your grand offense you dared to do/try to do that sent BM over the edge? Dare to paint her finger nails? Buy her a cute outfit for school?  (how dare you!!!!) 

 

Hereitgoesagain's picture

We had his daughter for about 11 weeks a year once school started, and before that about 6mos a year. I have commited every sin a step mother can commit lol. Shame on me! 

 

Also I mention the two years for step dad because he is the 9th guy my SD has been told to refer to as SF, where as I am still the only SM she has ever known. 

twoviewpoints's picture

Eight Stepdaddies in eight years!?!!?

Shok

Poor kid, I wonder if she accidently ever called one the wrong name? SF #4, oops, I mean SF#7. 

BM should be happy the child's father and you have provided consistency and a solid home for her daughter. Something BM has failed to do. 

 

 

AshMar654's picture

Hey also never mind if the BM has not been in the picture for going on 7 years and kids has no memories you will still be wrong as a SM to want to adopt and secure a good life for the kid. Never say you want to terminate a BM's right even thought the kid has no memory or idea who she really his. Hell she did push the kid out of her golden area.

But now if a man wants to adopt and step and be the dad and go for termination of parental rights he is the hero and amazing person. He is applauded for taking on another man's child and put on the high pedestal for being the most amazing person in the world. Should a woman try no she is overstepping and wrong.

Welcome to the world of being the horrible, evil, crooked nose stepmom. Not only in the BM's eyes but pretty much society. I think people can not imaging why, a woman who carried a child for months, felt them kick, felt them grow, and all that stuff, would not be able to bond with that child and love them and be there for them. I think most people can not understand how a woman can take care of a child that is not theirs and love them like a their own. Hey lets face it she can just have her own why does she need another person's kid.

People are narrow minded still to this day. Think that BM's rule and SM's are just the worst thing that ever happened to a kid.

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

I ignore the wh0re. She can say whatever she likes. I'm not going to change my morals and start sucking just because she's throwing yet another tantrum. She's nothing but a spoiled brat and it reflects in her behavior. I refuse to stoop to that level just to appease her.

Hereitgoesagain's picture

That's where I'm at with this too..... Yell all ya want BM.... I'm still awesome. lol

Aniki's picture

I live that. DH and I have been together for 8 years. BioHo married Mr. Pinhead 2 years ago (they lived together for 1.5 years before that). I think it's because the skids (except SD25) all live with 'Ho and Pinhead and THAT is why. Well, SS19 hasn't lived there for a year now. Anyhoo, DH is certainly not an absent father, but the skids spend more time around Pinhead than they do me. And I'm perfectly okay with that!!!

I NEVER tried to take on a "mom" role. I was always "DH's wife". I disengaged 3 years ago and started making myself scarce on skid weekends. In fact, if I only have to see the SDs at Christmas, that's already too much time around the beeyotches. The SDs and 'Ho can claim all they want that I tried to "take away" BioHo's role. HA! The VERY LAST THING I want is for anyone to think I'm willing to be a "mother" like THAT skank. Especially to a pair of twunty beeyotches and a nasty pigpen of a boy. Blech.

Maxwell09's picture

Sure. But most of the time it is usually the BM's doing all the Stepdad bragging though. I have noticed he is projected as a hero and I am the villiam but that is based off of her storyline. In reality, BM's fiance doesn't really interact with SS a whole lot. SS has asked me to help him get rid of stepdad and is absolutely set that he will not let BM marry him, but when I ask "why" all SS can say is that he just doesn't like Fiance. Fiance is most likely a normal guy trying to find common ground with a kid he has no part in raising both because SS lives primarily with us and secondly because BM doesn't allow him to tell her kids what to do in any way. To BM's other Spawn he is the world's greatest stepdad and they both frequently post pictures of stepdad with Spawn with captions saying such. It is interesting. Personally I think it is because women often make more out of things than reality whether it be their own insecurity or manifesting this Pixar Perfect father-son bond. 

thinkthrice's picture

especially the "Yes Ma'am" walking ATM types get the patented:  "BM STAMP OF APPROVAL" on their forehead for all the skids to see.   There is no such thing with a stepMOM.

Binky103's picture

I hear you! My SD's step dad can do no wrong, apparently. BM wants SD to call him "dad' (and she very well may be doing it already). He's allowed to be involved, he loves SD "more than anything", he "does so much" for SD, etc. She credits him with SD's material items even though my husband pays $1500/month in CS.

But then I'm apparently "too involved". Years ago, BM told my husband that SD is not part of my family and that I was to go and have my own family and leave hers alone. After I did go and have my own family, then BM sent years of documentation to her lawyer in an attempt to prove that I wasn't involved ENOUGH. I don't know what this woman wants from me. I just know whatever I do will be wrong in her mind. Meanwhile I'm paying the mortage on a $500,000 house on a lake for SD to live in part time. I feed her, I clothe her, I spend time with her, etc.