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Advice regarding sports

Hereitgoesagain's picture

Ok. I'm really trying to drop this issue. And lord knows I've got enough wrong with my life that this shouldn't be an issue right now. However I'm stuck focusing on this and I need to hear feedback on if this is asking too much. 
 

SD13 plays a sport every Saturday. DH gets every other weekend. Is it unreasonable to ask BM to respect his parenting time by not coming to his weekends? They would both see them equally and I would no longer be bullied at these practices. I don't think it's too much to ask my DH to set this boundary for the sake of our marriage and my sanity. But then again I've been wrong a lot here lately. As a logical human I think this is a more than reasonable request. 

Comments

Stepmama2321's picture

I don't think that's a reasonable request. Why can't she go and not sit by or talk to you? 

Hereitgoesagain's picture

Because in all honesty she is just such a nasty and negative person her mere presence sends me into a panic attack right now. 
originally I invited her to come watch on our weekends because SD refused to go to this on her weekends. But now that has changed. And I would like to re claim my personal space from this crazy lady. 

thinkthrice's picture

to always sit behind the Girhippo -n- clan where she would constantly gossip and bray with her fellow HCGUBM MOTY types   She actually paid ZERO attention to the game   

Has she gotten to stage two where she signs skid(s) up for every activity under the sun yet?

Winterglow's picture

So, put all of your energy into setting up a shield of genial graciousness. Pretend you're the Queen Mother, practice the wave with the slight smile. She'll HATE it! And anyone who sees her glaring but you smiling and being courteous will draw the right conclusions. 

Smile

You CAN do it! 

The only other alternative that I can see is that you stop going to these events.

Peach's picture

Yeah, it sucks that she is there, but I don't think that you will get anwhere by asking her not to come to her kids games.  If she knows that you do not want her there, it will make her want to come even more.  Just ignore her.  I know it is difficult, but try to do it.  Act like you are having the best time of your life. haha!

MissK03's picture

BM and I were "cool" when the boys played football. I would help BM out on her weekends when the boys games overlapped etc. SO and I both work weekends but I'm out early (12pm) on sundays. At the time SO wasn't out till 630 on sundays when the boys had their games. She NEVER helped or came to the skids game on her off weekends. She has weekends off too. 
 

Fast forward to SD playing basketball. We were no longer on speaking terms and the skids weren't going to her house. I made it a point to attend all SDs games. SO couldn't make it and BM would miss an average of 3. So I wanted to be there for SD. I would have to leave work early etc. 

She sat on one side of the court and I on the other. SD played 3 seasons 5th, 6th, and 7th grade. SD would say hi/bye to her at the end of the games then SD and I would go home.

Rise above BM. Don't let her bully you. I think asking her to not attend her kids game on her off weekends is not going to work. She has every right to attend those games. Even if she isn't watching them they are still her kids and (in my opinion) should be there. 

Honestly, I'm happy SD isn't playing this year plus with covid they aren't doing sports. It was annoying seeing her face but, I never cowarded away from BM. Not who I am. 

StrawberryPie's picture

It is unreasonable to ask BM not to go to her kids games / practices.  And there is  enough room at these events to avoid BM.  Keep your distance and if she comes close, say you are feeling a little under the weather and want to keep your distance.  However, if you are having panic attacks by going, I'd suggest not going for a while.

Maxwell09's picture

She doesn't have to miss out on her kids practices or games because you are uncomfortable. Not to mention most, if not all, custody papers usually have something in there about not barring the other parent from sports, school events or whatever the kid has going on. If you can't handle it, then don't go. Your participation is voluntary. Go if you want to go, don't if you feel uncomfortable. 
 

 

EvilSmother's picture

I agree here.... It is unreasonable to request that she doesn't attend. If anything, you should not attend and go find something to do for yourself that is enjoyable for you. If she is vile enough to make you feel that uncomfortable in a public setting, then your partner should understand your feelings. It is an unfortunate situation, but in all honesty, I can see this panning out in all sorts of positive and fun ways for YOU! 

notsobad's picture

Both my skids and my bios played sports. DH coached SS. My exH coached my bios.

I went to ALL the games, sometimes 2 on one night. Honestly, I miss those games now that they are all grown. DH also went to all the games. When he wasn't coaching we sat up high in the bleachers so that BM would always be in front of us. It worked out really well because there weren't that many people at the HS games. If he was coaching I sat with MIL and FIL or the other parents. I did exactly what everyone has said. I smiled, I was always polite and honestly the other parents noticed and liked me.

Once they got to Uni the place was usually packed and I didn't have to see BM till half time and after the games.

At my bios games, exH was with the team and we could enjoy the game in peace. The only time it was annoying was when exH would try to be the big man in front of DH, but that's another story.

So, if you are able to suck it up and plaster on a fake smile and ignore BM as much as is humanly possible. Try getting there early to get a seat at the back where she can't stare at you or get there late and just quietly slip into a seat and hope she doens't notice you're there.

Or, find something else to do on game nights. (I rarely went to practices, there were enough games to fill my calender)