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The Text I Can’t Send

Hereitgoesagain's picture

Been a minute... same drama different year. The difference this time is I am done playing the games. I wrote this up with every intention of sending it to BM. DH had requested that I don't. Lol. feel free to share your unsent texts. 



Thank you for calling to complain about me to my husband for the thousandth time. You didn’t tell him anything he didn’t already know. I don’t lie or hide things from those that I love. I don’t need to. But if it helps you maintain your self delusion of being in the right in all circumstances or free of blame for anytime someone finally has enough of your middle school bullshit, please feel free to do what you need. He will no longer be going to special meetups with you so you can do it in front of SD13 though. So maybe find a new plan. 


By having you do what you always do when you are afraid to own your own poor behavior, you have just validated my need to finally say enough is enough. I told you to stay away from the arena on my weekends there because I’m tired of your inevitable mood swings. No matter how nice, how helpful, how distant, how kind, or honestly just act like myself, you find some reason to act out, cause a scene, or try to bully me like a middle schooler would just to make yourself feel better. Sadly for you, I’m done playing. I refuse to go through this cycle with you ever again. I don’t deserve it. Your bitter and hateful heart will forever prevent you from being happy. And that’s not my problem. 


I told you to stay away for my sake. Not yours. It’s hard for SD13 to enjoy her lessons when her mother is obviously playing games that even she is too old to play. I refuse to be your target. I’m all done. So from here on out, you won’t hear from me or see me at drop offs or pick ups. Which means you might actually have to do some of them. 


This has been your choice. You have chosen to treat me poorly and refused to acknowledge me as a massive part of SD13's life because of your own insecurities. Not because of anything I have done. And while that saddens me for Sd13 I’ve realized that it’s far worse for me to continue to be a bigger person towards someone who openly hates me and has no problem telling anyone who will listen that nothing is their fault. 


I’m tired of your drama. I’m tired of biting my tongue. You may continue to be this hateful jealous shell of a person that can never be honest with themselves, I however will no longer be a victim of your own self loathing. 


In closing, I’m done. I’m reblocking your number after this is delivered and if you have anything to say, save it. We’re all tired of listening. Good luck with learning to be a decent person, it’s going to take some serious work. 


Best wishes,

 (that b!tch you love to hate)


Saints Are Back's picture

I personally think that by sending this message you are feeding her drama and creating grounds for her to use it for even further bs. The whole message shows how hurt you are and how much you hate her. She will be happy to read that. It will show that whatever her intention was behind being a biach to you, it worked. She is jealous of who you are, let her keep sucking her own poison. Why do you give her so much power? Why was your husband listening to whatever she had to say about you? Ignore, ignore, ignore. Block her, stop talking and trying to be nice to her or fix stuff. Disengage and focus on what matters. Let your husband put an end to her talking about you in his face. Let them be the parents.

Hereitgoesagain's picture

Yeah. Definitely won't send it. Haha. But it sure does feel good to pretend I did. 

Jake's picture

By not sending the text, you have taken the higher ground. lol

I have a hard drive full of letters I have never sent. I get my sanity back by doing so. lol

The best lesson learned here is to disengage, disengage. As my mother would say kill them with Kindness when engaged.

The best of luck in Step Parent Hell lol 

Happy Halloween Jake

futurobrillante99's picture

I say it hurts them more to kill them with apathy. When you suddenly don't give a fig, they lose their minds. Smile

tog redux's picture

Sending it is just the kind of reaction she wants, so I'm glad you aren't. 

I do hope you will stop doing transports though, or anything else that makes BM's life easier. 

Gimlet's picture

Agree with the others.  Don't send it.  Evict her and her immaturity from your head.  No more free rent.

Also agree with hitting her where it hurts.  Don't do another single thing that benefits her.  All your DH needs to say is "That doesn't work for hereitgoesagain, you will have to figure it out BM.  You and I are the parents, remember?"

advice.only2's picture

I've composed books to Meth Mouth about what I think of her and her parenting skills.  It's no secret she knows I hate her, but god it would be nice to let her really know.  This is why we write it out and post it here, because here it's cathaetic, we know we are among friends.

Hereitgoesagain's picture

Yeah. I'm going through a tough enough time between covid, my DH, $$, and overall the dumpster fire that is 2020. 

I've blocked her EVERYWHERE. And I have expressed to DH that it's all on him now. I'm not putting myself through the bull crap associated with him picking the wrong chick in his early 20's. I managed to not have baggage like that and it's about time I enjoy it. 

tog redux's picture

Good for you. BM is his problem, not yours. Don't take on his problems. 

Floral_SM's picture

I have typed out sooo many pretend texts in my notes app on my phone to what I would send Toxic Dog BM. It really annoys me she sends nasty abusive texts to DH about him and I, and we can't send anything back. Sometimes I just want to grab his phone and let her have it!! But as soon as I start imagining what I would type, I get annoyed because I know this is EXACTLY what she wants. It infuriates me.

Toxic BM sounds a lot like yours, and I hate how they put so much effort into making our lives miserable instead of focusing on themselves to MOVE ON. Jealousy is a curse and it has cursed these poisonous people that we have to deal with. Just remember our DH's chose us, not them and we are the one's happy and moving on with our lives.

I'm seeing the situation now as the more happier DH and I are, the more toxic messages and games try to go our way. It just shows how insecure and pathetic she is. Toxic BM has been texting herself crap for nearly 4 years now as DH doesn't reply to her anymore. It's just sad. 

mommadukes2015's picture

I have had to draw a line in the sand with BM1. 

Holding the line is the trick. Practice saying no, and standing by it-I promise you'll be tempted-but after a while, it flows freely and it's kind of fun. No. No. No. no. And NO. 

MissK03's picture

For me, I did send "the text." What happened during the text exchange was BM threatening court, which lead to SO serving her, which lead to BM trying to back out, which lead to BM not taking skids anymore and us having them full time for two and half going on 3 years now. Not court ordered full time she just stopped taking them when she realized SO was going after HER for child support. 

Do I regret it.. no. It was something that was long overdue for SO. Are there soo many other countless things I want to say to BM since then.. YES for sure but, they won't do much good at this point in time. 

Personally for me the question is we wouldn't allow how we are treated by these BMs by anyone else but, since they are our SOs or DHs ex's that they happen to have kids with we are suppose to bite our tongues and deal? If it was an ex that they didn't have kids with causing the same drama I'm sure we would all handle things differently. 

My breaking point with BM was when she told SO "why are you always defending her?" That was it for me. I had to stand up for myself/relationship. I saw red at that point. Didn't care who BM was... if SO didn't like it.. oh well! Didn't care. I wasn't letting this chick get in between MY relationship. 

I do agree that it is up to our SO/DHs to uphold boundaries with BMs. 

I do agree with others about not sending "the text." Most HCBMs want exactly that reaction. It is hard taking the high road sometimes. 

EDIT: it was never about the skids with BM here. She wanted SO as a back burner for the rest of her life bottom line. She still goes in waves with this even though she is married now. (She did it a little this week with SS now 16s birthday and their "anniversary" week) 


Floral_SM's picture

If it was an ex with no kids, the situation would be different I suppose as there are no children to be affected by it. The reason I don't react to BM is because it would infuriate my DH as it would be disrespectful to him, I don't want to abuse the skids mother and also the fact I don't want to lower to her level.. plus the fact it isn't my place either. It's DH's issue and his problem to deal with. I just support him by being compassionate and share his frustration. 

The BM I deal with also put DH on her back burner too. She was furious when he moved on with me and put me before her. Her games have not stopped at all and DH just ignores her petty and abusive text messages.