You are here

The dentist

Hereitgoesagain's picture

Why is dental work always such a point of contention between divorced parents? SD11 needs some substantial work done. 4 teeth pulled and possibly one permanent tooth.  is insisting this is an emergency and needs to happen Next week. But my question is, should SD see an orthodontist before anyone starts removing permanent teeth? I am not disputing the need to have some of the baby teeth removed due to being fused to the jaw bone, but the permanent adult tooth being removed concerns me. And with that many teeth coming out at once (the kid is going to need braces. No question there) shouldn’t braces be coming shortly after such a procedure? I am always Leary of only having one dentists opinion due to having a bad dentist as a kid. And she has only been to this dentist once and this is the first time anyone has heard about bone fusion. does anyone have experience with this?

DH is going to call and discuss everything with both the dentist and the surgeon Monday because he was unable to make the mid morning appointment last week since he had to work. 

Also starting sept 1 SD will have two dental insurance plans meaning the cost for all of this will be significantly less but because BM would rather be MOTY than think for a second she is refusing to wait those extra 3 days. Ugh. Why. 



nengooseus's picture

Not the least of which is the insufficiency of dental insurance in the US. And the expectation of braces for all is another  DD’s braces were something like 6k before insurance!  And we’ve already paid $400 for SD, who can’t even get braces yet  

But it’s also less black and white, I think, than healthcare. Every orthodontist has a different plan of treatment and every dentist treats things a little differently. Everything has a price tag.  And the appointments are always scheduled by one parent, making it tough (at best) for the other to attend. 

In this case, if I were your DH, I would demand that the surgery not happen until after 9/1. That’s a reasonable solution. Getting an ortho’s opinion is good, too, but waiting for dual coverage is a great idea. 

thinkthrice's picture

directly from provider.  NEVER take BMs word for it like foolish Chef did.  He lived to regret it.

Hereitgoesagain's picture

we have never paid her directly. But she always springs stuff on us with like 7 days notice. 

Hereitgoesagain's picture

She doesn’t understand the concept. It’s all about when she wants to do it. Where she wants to do it. And waiting is not an option according to her. 

Sparkl3s's picture

The kids have lived 10 hrs, 13 hrs, and now 4 hrs away since Satan made a run for it. Somehow, my husband has managed to squeeze dental, eye doctor, and vaccination appointments for the kiddos during his already disimal  time with them.

Now SS12 front teeth that are throwing up gang signs, due to his finger sucking. Need to be put in braces before his jaw sets. Supposedly, BM is gonna find him an ortho.... supposedly... I’m still waiting, it’s been 2 months since the dentist made the suggestion. I’m willing to put money that it won’t be discussed again until his next cleaning. 

I personally don’t understand if you can make/find time for hair/nail appointments, how you are unable to do the same for your children’s basic medical needs but I digress. 

Thanks to steptalk, I’m ready for braces! No money will be going directly to Satan, we will be paying the ortho our half by our damn selves. 

good luck with your ortho battles! 

This makes me greatful that she doesn’t wanna be involved and stick us with wackadoo diagnoses. 

Shannon Dorine's picture

The BM sounds a little over bearing. I would have your husband tell her it's got to wait until after the first unless shes footing the bill.

Cover1W's picture

I had a LOT of dental work done between 5th/6th grade before I had braces. Lots of teeth pulled, both baby and adult. I had too many teenth and braces couldn't solve that problem. So the teeth pulling doesn't suprise me. 

Can your DH talk with the dentist directly?

Hereitgoesagain's picture

Thank you for your insight. I too had tons of dental work just not this kind. I am more concerned that she at least consult with an orthodontist so this doesn’t cause some sort of long term issue with her bite. Did they remove adult teeth that hadn’t yet errupted when you were young?

Cover1W's picture

My dentist was also my ortho so that was a no-brainer for my parents.  I would think that the dentist would be working with or have an idea what ortho would be needed so further discussion would be necessary for the parents to understand how/what/why.

I know that I had to have baby teeth pulled so that adult teeth could come in.  Then I did have some adult teeth pulled as they were coming (in the wrong place or pushing other teeth in a bad direction).  I cannot remember having unerupted teeth pulled but for my wisdom teeth.  Maybe they are concerned those adult teeth are coming in in a bad way?

Bad memories of all this, it's really hard on the kid.  I developed a huge fear of the dentist that lasted into young adulthood.  I had to go on tranquilizers to get me to the dentist during all of this because each time I went I had teeth pulled.

lieutenant_dad's picture

Unless the CO states that BM gets to make 100% of decisions and DH gets to pay 100% of costs, I would send the following to BM, in writing (whether it be text, email, certified letter, or a combination thereof):

"BM, having not had the opportunity to fully evaluate SD's dental needs due to lack of communication and flexibility on your part, and understanding that as of 9/1/18 that she will have dual dental coverage, I decline the medical treatment that you have planned for her at this time. If you pursue this course of treatment as planned, you do so in contempt of our CO and I will not assist in payment of these services.

I am requesting 30 days to be able to speak with her dentist and surgeon. If I am satisfied with their assessment of SD's needs, then I will happily work with you to reschedule SD's needed procedures after dental coverage begins on 9/1. If I am not satisfied with their evaluation, I will get a second opinion and we can discuss after that appointment what is the best solution for SD."

If your DH has an attorney that he handles family law matters with, I would either consult them or CC them on the communication. What BM wants is absurd (we deal with BM here using out of network docs, and DH has had to tell her similarly that he won't pay if she won't switch), but if your DH has 50% legal say in medical on agreed-upon procedures, then he needs to stick to his guns on this. SD will get the care she needs, so DH needs to feel zero guilt for making her or BM wait until he finds out more about the long-term plan and it costs him less money.