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SD21 Thinks She's Getting Her Way

frustratedstepdad's picture

So if you've read my other blogs, you know all the trouble I am having with SD21 and her attitude and entitlement problems. The last time we got into a big fight in front of my mom who was visiting from another state because of her wanting to bring weed in our house. She got her medical marijuana card, and she thinks that should give her the right to do whatever/whenever she wants. Called me an asshole in front of my mom and said I needed to grow up.

We didn't talk to each other for the next few days because I didn't want there to be anymore conflicts for my mom to witness, but even my mom thinks she should've been kicked out. Of course my wife was embarrassed and mad that her MIL had to witness this, but I had a feeling something like this might happen. So my wife and I are going on vacation in a week and I didn't want there to be this stress/strain hanging over our heads while we celebrate our anniversary. So I came up with yet ANOTHER contract for SD21, except this time I will be the one enforcing it, and fir the first time ever, we will be making her pay rent.

The following are the conditions of living at [address]. Any violation of these terms will result in an eviction notice. [Son's name] can stay at our address if needed in the event of an eviction.

1. Beginning Sept 1st, you will pay rent in the amount of $250. Rent will be due on the
1st of each month. You will be considered a week-to-week tenant. (I put this in here
because in Oregon if somebody is just week-to-week, you only have to give them a 10 day
eviction notice instead of 30)

2. You are required to obtain and KEEP full-time employment by Sept 1st. Full-time is
considered a minimum of 30 hours per week. In lieu of full-time employment, you can
be enrolled fulltime in a degree-earning program at an accredited institution of
higher learning. You may still be required to work part-time so that you can provide
for [name of 2 yr old son] You will also be financially responsible for any daycare
that may be needed. You will also be responsible for your own gas money.

3. You will be financially responsible for providing for your needs as well as your
son's. This includes all deodorant, shampoo, pullups, razors, and other items as
needed.

4. Use of our personal vehicles is not allowed

5. Drugs, or any item that may be considered drug paraphernalia are not allowed on our
property. This includes but is not limited to our driveway, backyard, or porch. No
guests are allowed to have/use drugs or paraphernalia. You will be held responsible
for the behavior of your guests. This includes family members. No overnight guests
are allowed without prior approval.

6. You may keep a small amount, not to exceed the legal limit of marijuana in your
personal vehicle as long as it is secured in a safe, and your vehicle is parked on
the street.

I thought this contract was MORE than fair, and the wife agreed so we sat down to present it to her, and I even apologized for arguing in front of my mom. SD21 took one look at it and said it was bullshit. Said she would rather move out. Now of course I would GLADLY help her move, but once again the wife and I were going on vacation for our anniversary, and I did not want her pissed at me the whole time. I asked what part did she not agree with. She said the whole thing was bullshit. I said that most of the terms are based off of the prior contract she signed (which DW was too scared to enforce) and its actually more lenient. She just went on an on about how I make her feel uncomfortable in the house and all I do is look for stuff that's wrong. I pointed out to her when you live with somebody else, you are forced to play by their rules. If she doesn't want to play by the rules, she has to get her own place. She said its been very obvious I never wanted her there in the first place, and I seem frustrated all the time. She then actually ripped up the contract in front of us. Not gonna lie if we weren't going on vacation, I would have kicked her out right then.

I pointed out that some of my frustration was due to the when she moved back in with us, we would have to end up watching her kid alot and I felt like we were taking on too much parental responsibility for HER kid. I also noted her mom and I have been financially providing for them for an entire year, so can't disrespect me in my house and also have her hand out for help at the same time. She said having the part in the contract about her being a week-to-week tenant was bullshit. I said it was in there to protect us, because the last time we kicked a SD out, the cops wouldn't make her leave because we had to give her 30 days, even though she wasn't paying rent. Finally after about an hour of debate, I agreed to take out the part about her being week-to-week, and I would also take out the wording that her son could stay because she would rather it not be in there. I also told her I would give her a week to decide if she wants to sign it or not.

I guarantee you she thinks she has gotten her way and won't have to sign the contract, but she is in for a surprise. On Sunday I will present the modified contract for all three of us to sign. If she doesn't, I will tell her that she'll have another week to think about it. This is ONLY because we leave for Jamaica next week and I want to have a stress-free trip. Little does she know that if she does not sign, I've already got it made up in my mind that I am kicking little miss princess out. I don't care how pissed DW gets at me then, but either she goes or I go!! That little spoiled bitch is NOT going to run things in our house!

Comments

frustratedstepdad's picture

My wife was sitting right there on the couch beside me as SD21 tore up the contract like a little kid. I turned and said..."This is why I don't want to put up with her shit anymore."
No, I didn't want her to move back in but under the circumstances (her infant dying) it was completely understandable. It's just that I'm tired of what happened to her other son being an excuse for her acting like a BRAT!

You are right, I know EXACTLY why she wanted the week-to-week clause removed. But to protect myself, I changed the rent part to read "$62.50 a week, for a total of $250 a month". The nice thing about SD21 though is that when she gets mad and says she is going to move out, she usually does so THAT SAME DAY or the next day.

stormabruin's picture

Considering you are the one having to draw up the contract, make the changes to suit SD21, & be the one to enforce the rules, perhaps while you're at it you should draw one up for your DW to sign as well. That one should state that she'll stand beside you & respect you enough to quit caving on the rules.

Your SD is the way she is because her mother allows it.

You're excited about taking off to enjoy a week's vacay with the woman who allows & enables her daughter to cause you all this grief, but it sounds like all your blame & anger is coming out on SD21.

By no means am I suggesting that there's anything wrong with the rules. Only that you seem to be very one-sided in handing out the anger that your DW has played a big part in creating.

frustratedstepdad's picture

Before we presented the contract to SD21, my wife said to me "I love my kids very much. I know that I've done a lot to spoil SD21 and give her the things she wants, but you are my husband and I am not going to lose you over this. I will stand behind you and support you as long as you are not purposely mistreating my kids"

My wife also told her this at the end of our meeting. My wife also knows that if SD21 gets kicked out again, she is under no circumstances coming to live with us again.