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Coparenting exchange schedule

Doublehelix's picture
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My boyfriend coparents his daughter (6.5yo) with his ex. Currently they are doing a week-to-week schedule with the switchoff happening Fridays after school. It seems like Friday is a popular day for parents on this schedule to make the exchange, but are there specific benefits to Fridays over Mondays?

I tend to think about Mondays starting the week, with the weekend being my reward at the end of a work week. As it stands now, I spend a lot of our “off” weekdays filled with anxiety about starting the “on” week during the upcoming weekend, and then too tired to enjoy the “off” weekend after an “on” work week. In your experience, do any of you have a preference for Fridays vs Mondays? Just want to make sure I’m considering everything before I suggest a schedule change. 

Curious Georgetta's picture

young child. Much like you ,she probably looks at  the weekend as her time with dad.  She probably wants that weekend time and weekend activities as much as you do. What benefit would accrue  to either the parent or the child.from such s chsnge?

Perhaps if you can articulate  a benefit to either or both the parents and the child, you might stand a chance of convincing them to change. However, I do not think the Monday morning anxiety is going to be your most compelling argument.

 

Maxwell09's picture

Well for one, it isn’t about you and your anxiety. And it wouldn’t matter when switch on/off day was because you’ll still have that anxiety either way. Secondly, Monday’s are complicated. For older kids, homework is due on Mondays; for younger kids, signed papers or folders are due. Monday’s are when national holidays mostly take place so then you’d have a fight over if the girl will switch over on Sunday or will the Monday fall under the extended weekend umbrella.....that fight alone won’t be worth it for as often as it’ll happen. You shouldn’t be trying to change the schedule, you should be trying to cope or help your anxiety. 

Doublehelix's picture

My anxieties aside, I guess I don’t see how it’s different for the kid, bc she’s still spending every other weekend with each parent, just that it would be at the end instead of the beginning...unless you’re saying she’s just as tired of being with one parent during the school week and looking forward to seeing the other during the weekend. At her school, homework and paperwork are given on Mondays and returned on Fridays, so no interruptions there. 

The Monday holidays are a valid point, as is “it’s not about me,” which begs the question, if I’m not allowed to have an opinion or say in the things that are happening in my own life, bc it’s never going to be about me, why would anyone date someone who already has kids? Unless they just really love kids.

STaround's picture

1. How exactly would you make Mondays work?  Drop kid at school Monday morning with all her stuff, clothes, toys etc?  Drop her off at other parent's house Monday morning?  Then kid has to put stuff away, and then get ready for school?  Friday nights have less possibility for child being late for school, imho.  

2.  Do you have the right to your opinion?  Of course.  Do you have a say?  Depends.  Your DH, and his ex will have says.  DH may say this is  a NBD type of thing, and I dont want to have to constantly renegotiate terms of custody because then I will start looking like a nut, and when something IS a big deal, my lawyer, the GAL, the court will be tired of stupid complaint.  

If you are going to complain about minor things, maybe step life is not for you.  You might want to read some posters here, with real problems. 

Doublehelix's picture

Their current schedule is one drops off at school Friday morning, and the other picks up from school in the afternoon, so theoretically Monday would be the same. She has her own set of clothes and toys at both homes and doesn’t bring anything back and forth besides her school backpack. 

Yes, some ppl have crazier problems, but considering the multitude of posts I’ve seen with ppl egregiously complaining about step-parenting and resenting their step-kids, then this question should have been NBD to answer without all the judgement. (Not directly specifically at you)

 

Rags's picture

We never lived under a WOWO schedule.  However, if you are on a WOWO what difference does it make what day it  starts?  

You need to address your anxieties rather than continuously sacrificing your off week to the anxieties of the upcoming on week.

Get some help.

Take care of you.

you-can't-argue-with-crazy's picture

I get what you're saying about having a hard time enjoying your weekend after you've just had the kids a whole week, and why you think a Monday switch may be better. We do WOWO and our switch day is Wednesday morning, it works for us.

A few ppl I know with the same schedule do a Sunday evening switch. They like it because the kids settle in Sunday evening and then start the week off there. 

I don't see why switching Friday morning is all that dfifferent than switching Monday morning instead. If you talk to you BF and he agrees with you, maybe he can bring it up and ask her if she's willing to switch. 

If she's not I'd just try to embrace the schedule you have now, week on week off is great, we use to have the most all over the place back and forth schedule with 3-4 drop offs a week! ugh...just happy to finally be on WOWO.