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Manipulative SD21

frustratedstepdad's picture

So SD21 came home again this past Thursday with her son. She sat down on the couch and we actually had a really good conversation. Talked about her plans for her future, how she feels about her ex who is in prison, and I tried to give her some fatherly advice. I did kinda wonder though why she sat down and had that talk with me, because normally she only talks to her mom. She even said she found a housekeeping job that starts in a few days so she was excited about that.

Then SD21 decided that she would try and audition for a stripclub that night so she could try and earn some extra money over the weekend. Now I have my own thoughts about this, but she's an adult, and at this point I'd rather her do anything as long as its legal so she doesn't have to ask us for money. She asked us to watch the kid while she auditioned. Sure no problem.
An hour later we get a call from her sister, SD23. SD23 is the only skid I get along with, as she is married and runs an at-home daycare. She says to my wife "I won't be able to watch [SD21's son] for you since I already have six kids in my daycare." Wife asks what she's talking about. She says "Well isn't SD21 going to be leaving [son] with you for the next month or two?" My wife says no she has not heard about any of this, and SD23 needs to call SD21 since it's her son.

A few weeks ago when we had SD21 sign the agreement to pay rent, we said if she moved out she could leave her son with us. So now I know why she was being all nice and shit to me, it was just to butter our asses up so she could drop that bombshell on us. It just made me angry again that I was being manipulated. So the next morning (Fri) my wife tells me she gave SD21 $130. $60 of it was so she could get some clothes for stripping (which she promised to pay back) and then $70 it was to pay SD21 for cleaning our house this weekend. Wife also said that she and SD21 had been talking, and she thinks that SD21 will ask us to keep her son while she saves up money to get her own place, since she claims she has nobody to watch him in the city she is moving to. SD21 will supposedly drive down to Eugene, OR (two hours away) and work her housekeeping job during the week. Then on the weekends she will come back up and strip at the strip club. I asked her how long did she think it would be. She said a couple of months. I said NO, she needs to give us a DEFINITIVE date for when she will have her own place, because otherwise it will go on forever and she will be too tempted to never save up her money. Plus, she is not really spending anytime with her son if she's doing all this.

I know I said we could keep the kid, but I have to be completely honest here. I am so TIRED of having to help pick up the slack for my SD's. We already have two grandkids that we go and pick up once a month because they live with their other grandparents, since SD26 gave up custody of her kids, and the grandparents need that once a month break. So that's already one weekend a month that gets tied up. I feel like my wife and I really reconnected with each other when we were on vacation, and we were really looking forward to having the house to ourselves once SD21 moved out. Now not only will we not have the house to ourselves, we will now have a 2 1/2 toddler at our house fulltime, and basically have to be his parents and be financially repsonsible for him since SD21 can't get her shit together. I'm 35 yrs old, my wife is 44 and I honestly feel like I am too young and I didn't sign up for all of this shit. Our life has already been centered around SD21 and her kid for the past year, and I'm just sick of it. I know its selfish to say because I said the kid could stay, but I really can't help feeling like this.......

Oh and by the way, it's Monday morning and our house hasn't been cleaned yet, and the $60 has not been paid back, and SD21 is on her way back down to Eugene, OR today!!! Sad

Comments

aggravated1's picture

I'm sorry. Just the fact your wife gave your SD money to buy stripper clothes has me speechless.

DaizyDuke's picture

wow, your wife sure raised a classy gal! Just dumps her kid off because her cleaning job is more important and the stripping thing?? Wow, maybe she can meet another convict while stripping and do more jail visits rather than spend time with her son. She couldn't find a cleaning job or an apartment in your town??

And you're right... she's not going to save her money, why should she? your wife hands it out to her like candy and takes care of her son (who SD doesn't seem to terribly concerned about) so what would her incentive be?

UGH, you are a Saint and a half! I rarely dispense the "Get the hell out" advice, but I think you need to get the hell out!

frustratedstepdad's picture

Yes we have definitely gone to counseling, and it really seemed like we were headed in the right direction until this. I just know in my heart that SD21 is never going to save up all of her money so she can get her own place.

When SD26 gave custody of her two kids to the other grandparents, it was just going to be "for a few months" until she gets herself together. First she started off seeing her kids all the time, then once a week, then once a month. Now SD26 is lucky if she sees her kids 5 times in a year, and she only lives 50 mins away from them. That was 4 years ago. That's really one of my fears is that we will be stuck raising SD21's kid for the next 16 years while she goes and parties. With her work history (or lack thereof) I guarantee that housekeeping job she has won't last even a month.

All this because she doesn't want to live with us since we have rules and she doesn't want to pay $250 for rent.

frustratedstepdad's picture

It would definitely backfire on me. Her kids have no basic separation between what to talk about to their friends, and what to talk about to their parents. SD21 actually asked me what are the "good" strip clubs in the area. :sick: A few years ago, SD24 asked my wife to borrow one of our porno DVD's, and my wife gave it to her! I was in shock! Seems like my wife sometimes is more like their sister than their mom. About the only thing I could probably do to "embarass" SD21 would be to show up where she's dancing. Ick.