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The Great Manipulator

frustratedstepdad's picture

So we've been backing off a lot when it comes to taking care of SD22's son. My wife finally told SD22 that we are at the end of our rope, and she needs to step up more and take care of her own son. So she has been getting one of her friends to babysit him from time to time. So now that SD22 has been forced to take over more responsibility for her son, I always find that she is much angrier and stressed out more, which really I didn't give a damn about. Her kid, her responsibility.

It just so happens that SD22's birthday is on Jan 1st, and this guy she likes wanted to take her away snowboarding for the weekend. She knew we weren't gonna be able to watch him because we had plans for New Years Eve. Also for the past 2 or so weeks, she's been telling her sisters and DW that she wishes somebody would just adopt her son. She's has also said to one of her sisters that she know understands why SD27 gave up custody of her kids to the other grandparents. SD27 just parties all the time and has all the freedom in the world. So SD22 decided that she would take her son down to some friends who live about 2 1/2 hours away. The plan was that she was going to leave him there for a week or two, and work double-shifts to save money and to make an appointment with a therapist. SD22 says she just wanted to have some time to get her head on straight.

So DW wasn't happy about this, and said if SD22 didn't actually use this time to work extra and go see a therapist, then we would be kicking her out right away. So SD22 left for the weekend wearing a brand new dress, had another new outfit packed, and 2 new pairs of high heels. Little did I know that just the day before SD22 asked DW for some money to send down to her friends so they could buy extra food for her son. Her friends already have 3 kids and they struggle to take care of them. DW told her no, that it was her responsibility. So after SD22 left, DW started texting back and forth with SD22's friend. Her friend let it slip that SD22 told her that she would need to let the kid stay there for a month or more until she gets her head straight.

DW was FURIOUS about this. Just the night before she called to speak to SD22's 3 yr old son and he started crying, asking where mommy is, and wanting DW to come get him. He already has insecurity issues because SD22 leaves him at night all the time to go to work, and SD22 pretty much clings to DW like glue. DW wanted to drive down there and demand that her friends hand him over right then and there. I said we can't do that, and they would have every right to not give him to us since SD22 is the one who put him there. I said to lets wait until SD22 comes back from her birthday trip, since we were planning on talking to her anyway about moving out and paying back due rent. Also, mind you I found the receipt for the new clothes SD22 bought, and she spent over $250 for them. I told DW that I wanted to be included in the talk with SD22.

SD22 comes back home. About 10 mins later I go to hop in the shower. So of course DW doesn't wait for me and starts questioning SD22 about how long she really plans to leave her son down in Eugene, OR. SD22 lies and says for just a week or two, and DW starts saying how that's not fair and SD22 really misses her and cries everynight. SD22 then
called her son and he started crying again, asking her to come get him. Wife told me this after I had been out of the shower for about 10 mins, and I was upset because once again I was not included in the conversation. So SD22 and DW drove down there to go pick him up. On the drive down there, DW stops at a gas station to call me. She says that SD22 is saying that she has no money or anything to help pay for childcare or to help out financially because she still has all of those traffic tickets to pay for. I told DW that SD22 does NOT have a choice when it comes to contributing financially to the welfare of her child and her tickets are HER problem, not ours. DW mentioned how SD22 keeps telling everybody how she isn't mentally able to take care of her kid, so why not just sign over custody to us? SD22 says she isn't ready to just sign over custody of her son.

So SD22 and DW finally return with our grandson at night. So DW goes to put the grandkid to bed while SD22 sits downstairs watching TV with one of her female friends. Finally the clock hit 11pm and we both have to get up at 5am for work, so I went up there and demanded that DW go get SD22 so she can put her own kid to bed. When DW came to bed she started talking about how we can get rid of extra cable channels, and she was even willing to get rid of her cellphone. I asked her what is bringing about all of this. She said she was just thinking of ways to save money since we have been so broke for the past few months. I called bullshit on this and wanted to know why she was REALLY thinking about all this. She tried to BS me again, but then she finally broke down and said she wanted to make sure we could financially take care of our grandson. I said what's the point of taking care of him and then allowing SD22 to stay with us? She said she didn't want SD22 just taking off with the kid if we kick her out since she won't sign over custody.

I got mad at DW and said once again she is allowing SD22 to manipulate us, and once again SD22 is controlling things in our house. I told DW that I'm tired of our lives revolving around SD22's asshole and I don't give a damn about SD22's feelings anymore. Wife says that SD22 just keeps saying how she can't take care of her son fulltime and....wait for comes the line...."I'm not going to let my grandson go without!" I feel like we are completely back at square one when it comes to SD22 and DW has completely backtracked from what her therapist recommended. I'm tired of decisions and discussions going on without me present, and I'm tired of SD22 controlling our fucking lives!!!!! I am sick of the shit!!!! We don't have the $5000 for a lawyer to go to court over custody, and SD22 isn't bad enough yet to have her declared an unfit mother. So SD22, the Great Manipulator has my wife by the crotch hairs on this one. Wife says she is just playing nice so that eventually SD22 will sign over custody and then we can kick her out, but I don't see that happening. Why would she when she gets to live with us rent free while we take care of her kid??? I told my wife to at least talk to her therapist tomorrow, because I can guarantee you her therapist won't agree with her tactic at all.

For the love of God, I just want 2012 to be a normal year!! So tired of there always being some conflict or drama based on her grown daughters.


frustratedstepdad's picture

Yep this is what I fear. I feel like my wife now will live in constant fear and will refuse to get tough on SD22 because of the grandkid. I feel like I'm stuck in a wormhole.

frustratedstepdad's picture

I agree with you. As much as I hate to admit it, DW has SD22 who doesn't want to take care of her kid so she can party and hang out, SD27 who gave up custody of her kids to the other grandparents so she can party and do drugs, and SD25 who doesn't have custody of her kid because she was dating a registered sex offender.

Only SD24 is taking care of her kid fulltime and runs an in-home daycare. Of course, she's the one I get along with the best...imagine that! DW is definitely at some fault here for enabling her kids and wanting to rescue them all the time.

frustratedstepdad's picture

See that's the problem, SD22 won't even sign over temporary custody. And as we all know from being on here it pretty much takes an act of God for a court to terminate a BM's custody.

DaizyDuke's picture

I feel so bad for this little boy. How horrible to be dumped off for weeks at someone's house that you don't even know because your mom is more interested on going on some trip with some random guy. I really hate your SD.

The ONLY reason she is not signing over custody of her son to you is because she KNOWS that once she does that, her gravy train is over. She is the typical BM using her child as a pawn to get everyone else to take care of her. These woman make me sick. They use their own children to manipulate, threaten, and take, take, take. How do they live with themselves? I feel sooooo sorry for these children who are being brought up by these selfish, rotten bitches. UGH!

frustratedstepdad's picture

DaizyDuke you are right. That is exactly what this is. My DW can't see that SD22 is way smarter than we give her credit for. She knows the grandson is her meal ticket. My DW just sent me a text a second ago:

"I don't care what SD22 does with her own life, I just want GS3 to be safe"

I told her she will never sign over custody because that's her golden ticket.

frustratedstepdad's picture

Yep, keeping us in chaos. In a nutshell she wants us to take over raising her kid, but doesn't want to sign him over. What a situation.

frustratedstepdad's picture

Good question Echo. I've mulling over it all night and I don't know where my line in the sand is right now. You are also right in that I think DW needs to call her bluff, but I don't she is capable of this. DW was literally making herself sick this weekend, throwing up and crying with anxiety about her grandson being stuck down there.

frustratedstepdad's picture

My wife already sees a therapist...her therapist was the one who finally gave DW the strength to schedule a family meeting about kicking SD22 out, or so I thought. She meets with her therapist tomorrow and I'll be very interested to see how it goes. Her therapist has been pretty much spot on about everything, was even right about how manipulative SD22 is.

frustratedstepdad's picture

^^^Oh of course she will have more. The whole reason she's been living with us to begin with is her 3 month infant was killed by her live-in fiance at the time. She's been living with us for past 18 months. Because of what happened to her other son, that makes this all the more difficult.

frustratedstepdad's picture

Yeah she told us about 6 months ago that the cut her off from assistance because she didn't report that she was working, but really what happened is she just didn't reapply. She went in again to apply and they are going to give her $400 a month in cash assitance, and $400 a month for food stamps.

DW told SD22 can use the $400 cash to pay her sister (she runs an at-home daycare) for a month. Really she shouldn't get any assistance since she is a stripper.

ThatGirl's picture

Your SD is no different than Casey Anthony. Your SD already figured out how to get rid of one kid, and it's only a matter of time before she does the same with this one. Sounds really harsh, but I think it's true. Someone like her never wanted to be a parent, she was just too lazy to ensure it didn't happen, or worse, let it happen hoping it would be a way to hang onto a man who didn't love her. The woman has serious issues. Your grandson isn't safe with her. Please do something about it.

Brady_Bunch_plus_some's picture

@ThatGirl - I was thinking the exact same thing - Casey Anthony. She does not want to be a mother and is setting the scene for something really bad here. @Frustrated - please do something before it is too late. Kick SD22 out, change the locks, get the SGkid and get some support.

frustratedstepdad's picture

Thanks for your reply. We are going to tell her this weekend that she needs to go to therapy....EVERY WEEK. We will tell her that it is NOT an option because obviously something is wrong with her if she doesn't care about her son. If she refuses, we are going to give her 30 days to move out.