Something is Going Well Here
:?
SO picked up his 4 year old Monday and brought her home. (No court order yet, BM trying to stop him from seeing her, he has to find BM and take his daughter) I never know when she will appear. She has been quite well behaved and loving. The first day is always spent with mantras of momma no like you, you make momma cry, momma cry for me to come home, this no my house, you no my momma, daddy bwoke momma's heart etc. Now that that is over we have moved on. When she first started coming over she was running away, hiding in closets, breaking everything, writing on the walls, and on my bras, pulling feathers out of my birds, throwing things around and general destruction. Last two visits have been somewhat normal and this one downright enjoyable. She even sat at a restaurant tonight and talked and ate food. Past visits to restaurants were endless chases under other people's tables, broken chop sticks thrown at me, glasses dropped on the floor. Tonight she apologized for hurting the bird and kept asking if he was alright now. I'm not a BM, what's going on? BM hasn't changed one centimeter, still psychoBM crying, cursing and carrying on in front of the kids.
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We've not changed anything. I
We've not changed anything. I bought many clothes and things and designated an area for her things, I've actually tried for consistency. We've acknowledged her feelings (and her BM's) and not said anything derogatory about BM. Tonight in the mall she kept pointing out mannequins in the stores and saying that's momma, that's daddy and that's me. Then she said momma and daddy took me to the pumpkin patch (that was us). I think she is trying to understand how we are all related now. She can still remember her father living with her. We made a picture album from the beginning of summer to now and put pictures of her brothers in it as well. We are trying to tie it all together for her. BM is making it as difficult as she can with her PAS tactics and emotional abuse. I also thing she uses momma to mean me too, as I am the one that does the mommying here. She knows that I know the things she likes and puts magic on the boo boos. I know how to put the underpants on right also! I think she was/is confused about the two mommas? Maybe she's figuring out she has "two" mommas and the same daddy?
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Mmmmm, yes, 4 years old.
Mmmmm, yes, 4 years old. She's getting smarter by the day. It must be confusing for them. Somehow, I think she likes it here, and feels loved. She knows she belongs. She also knows she has to go back and forth. I have a suspicion that she will grow up very quickly. She's already more sensitive and in tune than her mother. I see her making connections all over the place. I think it's a good strategy for emotional health. I feed a few feral cats outside. One I named Windy. She will come when her name is called. Tonight SD said we have to name the other cats, so we did. Then she told her father which was which. I just see clink, clink, clink as she makes the connections.
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Poor little one... she is so
Poor little one... she is so confused. As she gets comfortable with you she goes home repeating all the wonderful things you have done together to have BM chastise her... tell her the way it really is.... and the child becomes confused....
She just wants to be loved and feel secure.
Keep doing the right thing. Warms my heart to know you are providing her such a loving environment.
Any chance you are logging her behavior in a journal, and the things she says.? You may need that someday.
Wish you luck.
Francesca - my DD5 was like
Francesca - my DD5 was like that when she was 3 we would not even go to any restaurant with her and then she turned 4 and I fell in love again - now that she just turned 5 we are going through another change - she is much more aware of situations and a little bossy at times and pushes the envelope - I loved 4 I am not too sure about 5 yet - she turned 5 too late to start Kindergarten so I think that made a difference she is ready to be in school but hubby did not think she was so I did not push it. Just try to love her and be there for her it is all you can do.
Thanks everyone. I might
Thanks everyone. I might start logging comments. That's a good idea. But, yeah, BM is telling her all sorts of bad things about us. That's why she says "this no my house." I live with momma, not you. Blah Blah, everytime.
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