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Is this really being a "parent"?

Elizabeth's picture

DH just baffles me.

SD20 decided she HAD to live on campus this summer and take summer school. This was just so she could sleep with her boyfriend, her mom and grandmother both live in the town where she goes to college and she could have lived with either of them over the summer.

So, SD20 takes a whopping ONE class at a cost of $200 for tuition BUT a cost of $1000 for the dorm room. Beginning chemistry. I have told DH that I know SD20 is drinking heavily (to the point of having a hangover several times a week). He knows she is doing drugs. He knows she's sleeping with boyfriend who has six kids with four women.

So, turns out SD20 got a D in this one class. Can't imagine why, could it be all the drinking and drug use have turned her attention from studying for school?! What does DH say to SD20 when he finds this out. It was something like this: "That's OK, you'll do better next time."

What. The. Hell? As I said, baffled.


Elizabeth's picture

Her mom already told her she wouldn't pay for any grades that are C or lower, so DH covered the entire cost of this course that SD FAILED! Talk about even more positive reinforcement that you can screw around and still have daddy pull your butt out of the fire...

Elizabeth's picture

I'd rather she stay with BM or her grandmother for FREE. She knows she can't stay with us, and as we live 5 hours away that would not happen anyway. I'm kind of fed up with the paying SD20 to act a fool.

thinkthrice's picture

He'll never learn. Twenty years of solid Guilty Daddying becomes hardwired in the brain; kind of like a reflex reaction when you tap the knee with a rubber hammer.

dontcallmestepmom's picture

Your DH sounds much like mine. His kids are 20, 21, and 24. He does not have much of a relationship with them (they are horrible), but he seems to be waiting for them to change. My MIL is convinced that is going to happen-a whole other story. DH has set boundaries, and luckily we are not dealing with college (they barely made it through high school-their choice). However, I believe my DH has very low standards when it comes to these gems. I think he would have said the same thing as your DH. It boggles my mind, but at the same time, I think I understand their thinking. It is really sad if you think about it.

WarmBody's picture

Kids will meet what expectations you set for them. She won't do better next time because he won't demand better.

Elizabeth's picture

Oh, I already commented years ago he set the bar on the floor so she could never NOT meet his expectations. So I shouldn't be surprised, right?

hereiam's picture

Yeah, BM's highest expectation for SD22, is to learn how to flirt well enough to get free things and favors from men. Nice.

Elizabeth's picture

Ha, the BM here told SD20 she could do whatever she wanted as long as she didn't end up pregnant. Sad