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Do you ever get jealous?

Elizabeth's picture

I do every time I see "functional" step families. It also makes me sad.

I have a friend who had a mom and stepmom. Her mom passed away, as has her father, and the (former) stepmom has really stepped into the mom role with her. Today the stepmom posted on Facebook something like "I know your mom loved you very, very much and I do too."

Isn't it great SOME people can get to that point? I never will.


Elizabeth's picture

Yes, I have a cousin (older than me) who had two kids with one guy, divorced, remarried and had two more kids with current husband. Older two kids have a dad who is in the picture but stepdad is still close to them and they treat him respectfully. AND, he is still allowed to do things with only his two kids without being made to feel guilty. Isn't that nice?

Elizabeth's picture


Maxwell09's picture

My roommate from a few years ago got married this past weekend to a guy with a six year old son. She told me on her wedding day the BM paid for more than half of the food bill AND sent her a huge text thanking her for being apart of her son's life. She was glad another person could love her son and take care of him when she couldn't be there. When I hear things like this I think "ahh that would be nice if BM was half like that" but she's not and never will be. She's too deeprooted in hate to ever be grateful for anything. Her version of co-parenting was DH getting EOWE (when she didn't have other plans), DH paying her a crap ton of child support all the while being grateful for what scraps she gave him (I know this because this is how she treats babydaddy2). Too bad for her DH fought her for equal rights and not only did she not get any of that, DH got more than 50:50. She'll always hate him because she didn't get her way.

NoWireCoatHangarsEVER's picture

I have a friend on facebook who about two years ago hooked up with a guy with kids and she made her initial stupid postings about how they were going to be a big happy family and I let her know from the get go about this site and Step Monster. I tell people, "friends don't let friends become step parents."

My friend has some kind of birth defect and she walks with canes with a shuffling gait. BM broke into her home to steal my friend's pain pills. They caught her running through the back yard, pill bottle in hand.

zerostepdrama's picture

My BM gets along perfectly well with my Dad and SM. My whole step family experience before I married into it, was very good and everyone got along. Same when my mom was married to my SF.

My mom will say though when she was married she had a lot of the same issues us SMs complain about here, but growing up I had no idea.

I have a friend and her ex and her co-parent really well. Almost too well. Like they should have stayed married. LOL. Even though they are both happily married to others and I know that my friend is in no way interested in her ex that way.

I do envy married people who are a blended family that don't have to worry about hateful skids who wish you didn't exist. Dealing with BM. Tit for tat with DH's kids and my kid. Nothing being fair and equal. The resentment. Having people in my life that I wish weren't in my life.

Teas83's picture

I guess I get a bit jealous of blended families who appear to function well. It would be nice to have a non-hostile BM who minds her own business. It would also be nice to have a husband who isn't inclined to be a Disney Dad unless I stay on top of him.

princessmofo's picture

All the time. But remember, we are never really privilege to what goes on behind closed door... In nuclear families or steps for that matter. I know plenty of "nuclear" families that are completely and utterly miserable. I would just like to stop feeling like the outsider in my marriage. I have three people in my marriage: DH, Twat Waffle and me on the fringe.

GhostWhoCooksDinner's picture

I've met quite a few, but they're all families where there's a functional, mature adult BM who doesn't PAS her kids and a stepdad who has taken the kids on as his own. Way different story than what many of us are dealing with, unfortunately.

ThatOneMom's picture

Yes, I suppose so. I also sometimes feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me, my husband, or the kids because of the problems we have. 

Then again, the people I know who have well functioning families also have a way different dynamic. Either the other parent isn't involved or they're a good parent/person in they aren't dealing with a nosey, dramatic ex.

That makes a huge difference, IMO.