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Update....

daisy0202's picture

Well last night went ok...SD16 went to BM till about 8:30 Smile then came back home didnt even talk to me, look at me, nothing.....LIKE I CARE!!!!

So last night my parents took my son 14 for dinner because I told my mom all the drama that was going on and when she knew she was going with BM decided I am taking your son for dinner so you and DH can have some peace.

We sat on the deck, had some wine, had a great dinner. The only problem DH at one point had to shut off cell phone since SD called him....Wait for it.....7 times....O.....M....G!!!!! Now remeber i worked till 7 so these calls happened within a 1 1/2 hour span....

Finally after dinner DH put cell back on and of course cell rang again DH answered "WHAT!!!!!!" SD told him I want to come home, can I? DH had a talk with her, the only thing I stuck around for is him saying...."yes you can come home but this behavior ends here"...I left the room at that time....Didn't even want to hear anymore.....When she came home I went to my room after she walked in the door and practically snubbed me....FUCK YOU KID SERIOUSLY!!!!! I am sorry this is just absolutely ridiculous and i am not going to put up with this.....When DH came to bed he asked why i left the room and I told him.....This is our home (MY HOME) I will not have this kind of behavior in my home....And the attitude....whatever....I dont care I am not going to let anything mess up our weekend and it is pretty sad we have gone through this much shit just to go away for a weekend and get some kind of alone time....Tonight we are supposed to go for dinner and I am just not happy I have to sit with her for a meal...Tomorrow morning we leave all this drama behind and enjoy eachother....Once she is dropped off at school cells are shut off....BM is aware we are leaving and if issue occurs deal with it.....Grandparents are also aware. His mom is not happy he is going away (wonder where SD gets it) and she is also pissed DH is shutting off cell...

His family...MIL, sister, BIL, call constent for the dumbest things...Last night his mom called to ask him what she should make SD to eat. Then sister called saying Sunday i hope your comming home at a reasonable time. MIL and SIL are IDIOTS!!!! They are miserable people who love drama, love other peoples missery, and live for gossip...Its terrible.....So my reason for his cell being off is not just SD its MIL and SIL also....DEEP BREATHS DAISY DEEP BREATHS!!!!!

Thank you for listening to my saga....It feels good to get it all out!!!! Its nice also to see i am not alone...So glad i found this place.....I'll keep you all posted on my weekend....Hope today is drama free...lets all hope!!!!

Comments

oneoffour's picture

OK, you need to let her behaviour wash over you. Each and every time you react and hide away from her is playing directly into her game. She wins. She was sullen and rude. So what? Teens are often sullen and rude and she isn't a robot where you can reprogramme her overnight (I wish!). She needs to learn new behaviours and attitudes and be given the time to redirect her attitude.

So the next time she is rude and ignores you, just treat her like a normal person. Let HER make her evening pleasant or nasty. YOU have a good time. Say you are out for dinner and she says "I am not hungry." So she goes hungry. She won't die. She will be hungry. Accept her answer as perfectly acceptable because not being hungry is a 'normal behaviour'. Now if she ordered a steak and asked Daddy to cut it up, not normal.
She walks in the door and ignores you. Call out to her "Hello SD, I hope you had a nice time with your mother." Normal respense to seeing her whether she responds or not. If you say "Look what the cat dragged in, the psycho SD! Ewww!" ... not normal nor very nice.

See she needs to learn that her place is as her father's daughter not his equal. And for some reason she has learnt how to be his equal. So it will take time to retrain/ reprogramme her. She will not like it and probably feels threatened by her change of position. But then with a crazy BM she may equate being there and being needy as being loved. I don't know, just guessing.

But certainly, do not hide out cos she won that round. She needs to see you are not able to be driven away cos in her world driving you away from her father's physical presence (like last night) is 2nd only to her being a leech on hisd arm.

And the only reason I say this is because my OSS tried a similar tactic. He would upset me enough that I would go to our bedroom so I didn't have to deal with him. DH told me this is my house and much as it is his and I am to ignore his sons pissy behaviour and I can change the channel as many times as I like, it is OUR TV not OSSs. He spoke to OSS and told him to knock it off. But in return I was not allowed to hide away anymore.

secondplace's picture

^^^^^^^^ LIKE ^^^^^^^

Some really great advice OOF! I love how your DH handled the situation with your OSS.

You're right...it is our home, and we should never have to hide out in it.

CrazieCoconut86's picture

Have a great weekend, Daisy! I am so happy that your DH is standing up to your SD. I hope you have a drama free weekend.

oneoffour's picture

I agree. Don;'t let her drive you out or away. As long as oyu are not defiantely in he face about it. She cannot complain about normal husband/wife affections. Not normal.

daisy0202's picture

Thanks everyone....I am out of here....Had a 12 hour day came in extra early today so I could leave early and it worked....No 12 hours for me.....Going to enjoy the weather and enjoy the day.....Have a great weekend everyone...Just keep thinking drama free!!!!! Wink

imthewife's picture

Daisy...I can relate with the SIL drama crap...mine LOVES drama, too and so starts the pot swirling.

I see that maybe BM is not the best...what are the issues. She goes to BM but never stays? If she is allowed to see BM obviously the courts feel BM is ok to be with?

I ask about BM because with my SD19 it has become the same issue and around the the age of 16 as well...SD has cut of BM and won't go to see her and bags on her and always wants to come home when she would go out of state to see her after she moved.

I quickly learned that is was, as mentioned above...a competition thing and that SD was completely a hormonal, psycho wreck.

They don't want to see their mom's because mom sets them straight and they do not like it. Once BM's own mother informed me about a year ago of their awful mother/daughter relationship and all their fighting...the daddy crap came into crystal clear view.

Now that she is away at college...I am limiting her time at our house for many reasons...this being only one.

Hang in there and I agree with an above poster...IT IS YOUR HOUSE...DO NOT HIDE....tell HER to get her ass to her room if she is being a bitch...you do NOT need that influence on other kids in the home. The other kids must be considered, too. Tell her that her crazy ass needs to be away from the sane people...

daisy0202's picture

Shes 30? Dear God!!!! How is it selfish to want some alone adult time with your DH? I disagree completely. We all need alone time.