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New news that I am not sure if I should tell DH...

daisy0202's picture

Wel first things first...Things are going very well....We are all getting along wonderfully.....DH and SD still stay on the weekends but since school has started back up SD does not come on Wed....and lately the weekends for her consist of only one day. She has been hanging out with a friend alot which I thought was great....

Heres the delima....I heard from her aunt that this so called "friend" of hers is more than just a friend....and was shown some comments on facebook that were very shocking....I guess this "friend of hers, which is a female, and her are a couple....There were some comments how happy they are that they are together and how beautiful my SD looked the other morning while she was sleeping (she sleeps over her house)...We went to a function a few weeks ago and I didnt see anything weird..They were typical girls laughing, joking...But she has been going out alot with her, sleeping over her house alot, and just seems happier....I am fine if this is the path she decides...I feel to each is own...But my DH is a complete homo phobe....To a point that he makes it known to everyone....

Do I mention something, do I ignore it and let it be, Do I approach her and let her know I know? Its not a big deal to me but a friend of mine told me i should do something...I fell I should do nothing....Right now things are good....I like that she is not around alot at all....and if this is what makes her happy and most of all NORMAL...then so be it....Thoughts?????


DeeDeeTX's picture

Let someone else tell him. All you know is hearsay anyway.

He's not going to thank you for telling him, and she's in no immediate danger. Pass.

RedWingsFan's picture

If this were me, I'd let DH find out on his own. I wouldn't be the bearer of that kind of news and besides, if things are going well, you'd just be inviting drama.

I think it should be up to SD to inform her parents of her sexual preferences whenever she's ready. I'd want that same right for my daughter.

How old is SD again?

DaizyDuke's picture

Let DH find out on his own... and people shouldn't believe everything they see on FB. For all anyone knows, they are just being silly, trying to get people going.. and it's working. No sense starting drama that may not even exist.

napamom's picture

Love this! I am a social worker that works with gay youth and people using the term "preference" and not "orientation" drives me nuts! Trust me no one prefers to discriminated against.

herewegoagain's picture

lol so true...plenty of research that "homophobes" are a bit insecure about their sexuality...very, very, very true...

PS - Crazy witch once called DH a few years ago to tell him that there were rumors loser was gay...of course, she then said to him "she must have gotten it from YOUR side" idiot! DH's response? "WOW, that's awesome! I won't have to worry about her getting pregnant since she seems to be "sleeping around so much"...BM called him an ahole and hung up. LOL

aggravated1's picture

"Homophobia comes from ignorance sometimes and other times it exists because a person is insecure in THEIR sexual orientation."

This explains it. Crackhead is a lesbian.

dancingwatermom's picture

I agree with red. It has to be her decision to "come out" to her Dad if she is indeed gay. I also agree with Daisy that this may be a form of getting attention. She is no longer getting the attention from the drama she created in your home she may feel like she has to fabricate it someplace else.

3familiesIn1's picture

Maybe she has finally found happiness and come to terms with herself. Good for her.

Nope - not your place to tell your DH based on rumors.

Good news is, if its true, your DH will have to come to terms with it too and one less 'homophobe' in the world - cool.

Annanymous's picture

Stay out of it. Whether your DH would want to be told or not, it is not your personal business to tell - it is SDs business and I can only see resentment and anger from BOTH of them directed at you.

Leave it alone. She might be gay, she might just be experimenting, or might just be playing around at a faux gay relationship cause she thinks its "fun" or something. Regardless, it isn't anyone's business to out her. She can make vague comments on facebook or whatever as much as she wants, leave it be.

Do not even approach her about it trying to be supportive, just leave it alone, IMO.

misSTEP's picture

No matter what, it is KILL THE MESSENGER when it comes to the SM bringing potentially bad news to the father's attention.

Let him find out naturally. Don't believe everything you read on the internet. Smile

oneoffour's picture

To be the voice of dissention a little....

I have a very good friend whose only child/29 is living with another woman who is about 6 yrs her senior. Now my friend accepts her lifestyle BUT she is very suspicious of the older partner. Her daughter was very introverted and hung out with her mother all the time. She contracted West Nile Virus that left her paralysed for a year or so. At one time she was living with her new partner and the partner's then-husband (he has since divorced her).

This woman has control of the relationship. The very night my Friend's mother passed away (she is single) and was justifiably upset as her mother lived with her(and her mother never once told her she loved her) the partner threw an almighty hissy fit and demanded Friends Daughter comes "home with me. YOur mother will be just fine". Instead of saying "Honey, stay with your mom. She needs you right now." Instead she said "I need you more than your mother."

So be aware that this friend may be the controlling stronger one in the pairing. Or the friend may be grooming the girl into a lifestyle she is curious about but unsure.

Talk to your SD. Tell her that the Facebook posts are likely to unpset people. I know my daughter flirted with lesbianism. I suspect it was mostly to scare the crap out of me. Who knows what path she will take. But just because her father doesn't approve of same sex relationshps he may just learn something from his daughter.

My bet is this is a curious thing. Unless the friend is REALLY forcing the issue. Be careful.

BettyRay's picture

PLEASE - Stay out of it!!!!!

SD needs to tell your DH in her own way and in her own time.

I know from experience. My sister came out to me and my mom but not my dad. She had us (mom and I) lying to my father for years. I ended up outing her after my dad put the pieces together confronted me, literally cornered and questioned me for hours till I caved. It changed our family forever. And not for the better.

My dad never looked at us the same again and sadly passed away before our family could work thoug this. Our whole family dynamic changed.

Don't do it!!!!!! This is something SD has to do on her own.


cant win for losin's picture

Are you disengaged or not? Cause from it all, you sound pretty much disengaged. And from the current "living" arrangements, you should be disengaged.

Being disengaged means: Not your kid not your problem.
She is not doing anything that puts her in harms way physically to herself or others, so let sleeping dogs lie.

RainbowsAndDaisies's picture

Talk to sd about it, CALMLY and OPENLY. If the girl is her girlfriend, then invite her for dinner and make it clear to sd that sd may not have sleepovers with her anymore as its not age appropriate for her to spend the night with a significant other, boy or girl. Find out if she is sexually active and get her to the OBGYN. You don't have to be straight to get STDs.