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kind of long update but a good one!

daisy0202's picture

So let me start by saying i hope EVERYONE had a great mothers day. i know I did. It was great.

So let me start with Friday. Friday I had really no plans so a friend of ours and her husband decided to stop by for pizza and drinks. Guess the husband called my DH and told him they were stopping by. So DH text me at around 3 to ask what were our plans for the night. i told him mine was sitting on the deck, lighting the chiminea and having some drinks with friends. he said great i'll be there...OK....So friday night was awesome, friends, drinks, DH, and just peace.

Sat morning DH left and told me we were going out to friends tonight and dinner so dress up...Dinner reservations were for 6....OK again.... so sat did errands, cleaned up, some laundry (by the way less since DH and SD are not there)and then got ready for my night. BS21 is home from college so BS21 and BS14 have been hanging, hardly see them..so on my own alot which has been nice...So sat night went to dinner, drinks at friends and then home. DH stayed again Sat night. Sunday morning came around and i was told SD16 wants to come by before BM's for mothers day to see me. WHY????????

I said thats fine but if any, and I mean any drama appears OUT!!!!!! DH told me oh no there will be no drama. i honestly think she misses you. She talks about you alot....WHATEVER!!!

So around 9:30 sunday morning DH goes to pick up SD at a friends. She comes in wishes me a happy mothers day. I say thank you and that is about the end of our conversation. I then went outside to have coffee on deck with DH. SD comes out to chat (oh goody) then DH tells SD to run to store and get milk (she has had her licsense now for 2 weeks)(she is scared to drive to) so SD of course says no I am scared and DH blows a fuse. Starts yelling at her how she needs to start driving, how she needs to start being a normal teenager, how ridiculous this behavoir is and how she is getting into the car and driving down the street to get milk for us :jawdrop: She of course started to cry and ran into house....I just looked at DH and said what is going on? He says she is getting ridiculous, she is scared to drive now and I am paying for insurance for her. She just wont drive without me in the car I mean WTF am I doing wrong here. She wont be normal i do not get it......I have lost my wife because of my daughters issues, this just sucks...I want to come home already...i hate being at my mothers, I miss my home I miss you....This kid is just URGGGGG OMFG>>>>

I was like OK calm down....It will take time, things will get better, maybe drive more with her, get her to run to the store more often by herself, i mean she has issues, you need to take care of and I am not going anywhere, we love eachother and we are working on it. But moving back in with her i can not do until some real effort of her being somewhat "normal" is in effect, I am sorry. He said i know....I got to go talk to her i'll be right back. So he went in the house, she was in her room crying and DH came down about 10 min later. i was still outside and she asked to talk to me....I did not want to but i went upstairs and went into her room. She was on her bed balling her eyes out AGAIN!!!!

Our conversation started by me saying I heard you wanted to talk to me....She cleaned her eyes and said yes...

SD: When are we comming back here
Me: when i see a change in the drama
SD: How can i change
Me: stop acting like your 6
SD: i dont know how to do that and I want to come back my dad hates me for this..
Me: your dad does not hate you and neither do i. I just need you to deal with us being a family a little better than you have. I have been in your life for a long time now and i am not going anywhere. So for us all to live together we need to work together. I am sorry but until i notice a difference i can not have you guys here. It is just to much for me and my boys.
SD: I am sorry i am trying now
Me: thats great I am happy for you. and hopefully soon you will both be back here.
SD: next sat can you and I do something alone together, I promise I'll be good, no drama I swear
Me...ahhhhhh lets play the week out and we will see OK?
SD: OK
Me: now get your keys and drive me to the store for milk so i can make breakfast
SD: NO....I am making breakfast and I have to go by myuself to the store. Dads mad at me for being so nervous on driving so I will go....I got dishes to.
Me: :jawdrop: O...K...

So she went to store got milk went into kitchen with my boys and the 3 of them made DH and i breakfast. We had sausage, bacon, eggs, and belgium waffles with fruit....It was the BEST breakfast we have ever had. We laughed, we ate, we talked about BS14 first date sat night, it was an amazing morning. SD left at 1:30 with BM. DH and I sat on deck talked, it was a great day. SD came back around 5 and they left. DH didnt want to leave but it was time. I have him again Wed. I have to say the day went well...I was thankful for that.

I feel good about my visit with SD. Not sure about sat going out with her. any suggestions? I want this to work but my concerns,,,is this real? is she playing me again? is she just upset because daddy has been upset? I mean i can not read this kid AT ALL!!!!! Thoughts?????

Comments

CrazieCoconut86's picture

I think SD needs to learn how to act appropriatly around her father before she can even begin to learn how to behave around you. I would hold off on the going with her alone thing.

Wasn't it suppose to be dates with DH and after several displays that things are changing, to incorporate SD into some of this time? I would stick to that plan. I think she is trying to guilt you into letting them come back.

Good for you for sticking to your guns in all of this.

misskiya's picture

This sounds like an amazing day! Congrats! Glad your Mother's Day was awesome, even if it was slightly strange. Smile

unsure99's picture

I don't see a problem with doing anything with her alone, my FSD13 will not come unglued from her daddy's side to do anything with me, I have tried. Just because you do something with her and work on that relationship too that don't mean you have to let them come back in the house to live.

It sounds like your DH is trying to make things better and I applaud him for that and you too for sticking to your guns and making him see how not "normal" she is. When I was that age and could get the keys I was begging to go to the store or anywhere to get to drive. I would want to see a lot of improvement on her side of being more independent before I let them come back because like you said she could just be trying to make daddy happy and not really worked on her real issues.

New second wife-step-mom's picture

It does sound like she is upset because Daddy's upset but I look at that as a good thing.

I don't feel like not wanting to drive by herself at 16 is anything that she should be forced to do. I was the same way at that age and did not get my license to drive until I was 17 because I was so nervous. Once I got comfortable driving you could not keep me down! Lol.

I think giving her small trips will build her confidence. She sounds like a very insecure girl. Not that I am agreeing with her methods.

I would take it very slow with her regarding your relationship. I would also let her build confidence in herself and also some pride in herself that she can become a better person.

3familiesIn1's picture

Good progress Daisy - you are on the right path for sure. I think its good you don't jump at just letting them return - keep on the pressure and reassuarance.