Stressed & Annoyed + COVID Testing
Since my last blog post, it was feeling like there were improvements being made as far as my feelings toward SD5. (She turns 6 in April.) I'm beginning to think/realize it will always be this ebb and flow of taking steps forward, then back.
Below is my list of petty annoyances, then I will go into detail about how I really feel.
1. Wears her rollerskates in our second story apartment.
2. Wants to be right next to me anytime DH isn’t home (every Saturday) and whistles, makes loud noises and plays her harmonica the *entire* time if we aren’t out doing something.
3. Leaves her things all over the floor. Spills her water everyday. Needs help doing just about everything.
4. Speaks to me like I’m her friend or babysitter, not like a parental figure.
5. Doesn’t take no for an answer. Says “but” and challenges my authority on just about every point. Thinks she knows everything. Doesn’t pay attention to anything around her.
Okay, so it feels nice to list out these things because they drive me crazy. I have been in her life for the past 3 years, so since before she turned 3 years old. We have her every weekend, and DH works Saturdays. I realize she’s a child, and I realized most that, I feel like we bond whenever I go out of my way to do things for her and we do things together.
What’s driving the wrench is that anytime I try to do things with her, she chooses to not respect me as an authority or maternal figure, at all. If she is directed by me (or DH) to do anything, she has to be told 5+ times, and then still doesn’t listen. I have to lose my patience with her before she realizes I’m serious, and by that point I’m done and everything she does gets on my nerves. It’s so frustrating because I am trying very hard to have a good relationship with her, but it feels like she just uses me for whatever she wants/needs and gets upset if she doesn’t get it.
Now, I feel like she’s just being a child. But I can’t seem to shake the lack of her listening or taking me seriously from my mind, and I don’t feel like I should be stuck having to be the bad guy and discipline her whenever her father gives in/up by allowing her to just go around making noise constantly. It’s gotten to the point where I don’t want to be around her at all.
I’m 21 weeks pregnant with a girl. I’m really worried about there being conflict in the future because my parenting style is more strict/structured. I bought her some workbooks and she enjoys going through them with me – I was taught by my own mother how to read and write when I was her age, but I don’t think anyone else does this with her outside of school. She really enjoys it, but her attention is super low and it feels like I am being the parent here but I don't get the respect of a parent? I don't think she's like this with BM. I ask her if she talks back to BM and she says, "No." I say, "Alright, then why do you think it's okay to talk to me like that?" No response, every time.
She’s really very sweet when she wants to be, I’m just so tired of her not taking me seriously and having to watch her and put up with the nonsense with no end in sight. I just feel like crap having these feelings knowing for a fact it would be different if it were my own daughter – I 100% would have her mind me and enforce stricter rules. It just doesn’t happen with her and I’m clueless on how to make it work.
On top of that, she’s still here today because we all got sick Saturday… I don’t know if she will be here all week because we all are waiting for COVID test results. I don’t think it’s COVID but DH worked with someone the other day whose wife tested positive so we all have to test. I’m tired having to communicate with her. She doesn’t listen to me. I feel like IDK just displaced in the situation. I’m working from home today and feel like I can’t get anything done because this is bothering me to such a degree.
Thanks for reading !!! Comments/discussions are appreciated. I’m always trying to find blogs from people going through similar things for ideas on how to successfully quell these on edge feelings.
(As I was writing this, SD got into my makeup. DH and I had a talk and I said a lot of what I said here pertaining to her not taking me seriously and not being able to discipline her how I would if she were my own daughter. He took her rollerskates away so she's only allowed to wear them when we go outside to use them. I've been waiting for that one.
Anyhow! Annoyed feelings persist but it takes a mess to make any changes seems like!)