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Update on PTC Involvement

cmd88's picture

Well... it was a fun night last night... sarcastically speaking. I had a doctors appointment after work and I get a text from BM asking if I knew if DBF was going to conferences and that he wasn't responding to her messages. I called him and let him know that she was trying to contact him. After I get home from my doctors appointment he tells me that she wanted just him and her to go to the conferences, and he asked her why she wouldn't take her DH and she told him that she didn't want to bring their baby to the school and get her sick from covid. So DBF told her that he wasn't going until later and that they didn't need to go to conferences together and she cried on the phone saying that he wasn't co-parenting and that they should do everything together. DBF stated that that's not how things work and then she demanded to come to our house to pick up SD and bring her with her to conferences. (we don't let her come to our house because she feels like she can just walk into our house whenever she wants) So he said no, I'll drop her off at the school to you and me and cmd88 will be coming later and we will grab SD from you. BM started crying on the phone and said FINE! He shows up to drop SD off and there's BM crying in the parking lot, just like her to always make a scene. 

Later on, we get to conferences, (Me, DBF, and DD13) and we run into BM and SD and BM gets really close to DBF and says, "I thought you weren't coming to conferences?!!!!" And he said no, I told you that we were coming later. Then she walks away with SD, we go about the conferences about both of the girls, towards the end, we run into BM again, and she starts yelling at DBF in the middle of the hallway, in front of 3 other families waiting to talk to the teachers, they also had their kids with them, So I tell SD and DD13 to go see if they need to grab anything from their lockers... She's yelling at DBF saying that he's not co-parenting, and that things aren't like they used to be like when they were together, and everytime she talks to him she says she cries, and that they need to do everything together when it's involving SD and she needed to know DBF's schedule every single day, and that he needs to text and talk to her every single day. He stood there and calmy said, "No, that's not what co-parenting means, you already know that days I have SD and we don't have to do everything together as we aren't together, and you didn't even know that our daughter was failing!" She was like "Oh so you're better than me!???" He said no, you just don't check on SD to make sure she doesn't have homework to do, and you never ask her how she is doing in her classes, you didn't even know that she was failing, and you didn't even go to the other conferences. And then she started yelling again, and kept asking why things couldn't be like they were, crying, and then finally another family showed up that my DBF knew and started talking to him. 

BM goes down the hallway to SD and starts yelling about DBF and then she storms off and leaves.... 

Ya'll I have been nice on here, and nice to her. I help my SD because I want her to succeed, my DD13 is now passing all of her classes as well, because I push both of them to succeed. My SD may be a clingy brat sometimes, but it doesn't mean I should completely ignore her or show concern when something is up. I am not her mother, and never will be, and will never try to be. I have told BM that so she knows. I am only looking out for SD's best interest at heart. I am going to step back quite a bit unless SD feels that she needs me again or my help. Just because she kind of sucks, most of the time, lol doesn't mean I am just going to give up on her. 

BM has some serious issues that I choose not to post on here because I am trying to pick my battles.

Comments

ESMOD's picture

It's hard to separate the mama drama from the "child experience" and you are definitely doing the right thing to support her developing into a contributing member of society... helping her.. will help you in the end.

justmakingthebest's picture

What part of they aren't together anymore does she not understand?? NO- they aren't going to do things like they used to. NO- they don't need to talk every day. 

CO-parenting is keeping the other parent in the loop with: Educational, Medical, and social updates. Coordinating schedules and being flexible when needed. That's it!

cmd88's picture

My thoughts exactly. She was making a fool out herself last night, and has started trying to control DBF and it's not working for her, so she cries to try and make him feel bad and that's not working so now she is trying to say that he doesn't know how to co-parent, just because she isn't getting her way. I feel like it's only going to get worse once we start a family, but I know that he won't give into her silly antics. She's the WORST. I feel bad for her DH!

ndc's picture

Kudos to your BF for remaining calm during that onslaught of crazy. I feel bad for your SD - how embarrassing it must be for her for her mother to act the fool in front of other students and parents - even if you sent her away for most of it.  

cmd88's picture

I felt bad for her too. But I guess BM doesn't care if SD hears her arguing with DBF. I tried to remove SD and DD from the situation as fast as I could, but I know that they could still hear her down the hallway.

strugglingSM's picture

I guarantee that your SD was mortified by her mom. Also, we have very similar BMs. She used to come up and yell at him at football games about child support...which he always paid on time. She also cries regularly about how she and DH aren't friends...but really, who would be friends with someone who berated and yelled at them all the time?

cmd88's picture

We literally do have the same BM's... WOW!! She was crying about them not being friends or talking on a regular basis too. I left a lot out what she was saying both times that she approached him at the conferences.. And you're exactly right, who would want to be friends with someone like that??? I don't understand it and I don't get why she doesn't understand that what they had in the past is never going to happen again. Stupid Jay Leno Chinned wench is what she is.

cmd88's picture

And SD was pretty upset. She wouldn't talk to either of us until we got home and I started joking around with both of the kids to lighten the mood. I had her laughing before bed, so she seemed a little better. I know it's only temporary since her mom pulls this crap all of the time.