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Updates on life and the step world...

cmd88's picture

Hey everyone!

I know it has been a minute since I last posted. Some things have changed. I just found out that I am about 4 weeks pregnant, way too soon to tell anyone just yet and we aren't going to until after the new year. But, I am super excited. Feeling like I have the flu though... haha. I forgot what it was like to be pregnant since it's almost been 14 years!! 

I am worried how my SD is going to take it. The way she took our engagement wasn't good, so I can only imagine how she is going to take it. Either way, at this point with how she has been behaving, if she throws a fit, oh well. She did the same thing when her mom got pregnant. SD13 has been bullying my DD13 at school as well, and I had found out just a couple hours ago. So I am not quite sure how I am going to handle that mess. It seems like it is always something with SD13 every, single, week. 

Things are still the same with the inlaws, they did not come to our engagment party, and still have yet to even acknowledge it, oh well I guess. The only thing that really hurts his how FMIL is being... I really don't care how his sisters are being since they will always be just miserable a$$ people. We stopped inviting them all to anything that we have as far as get togethers and events go because all they are is just negative people. I still find myself still bumming about FMIL though. I don't know why I am still seeking approval from that woman..... As for SD, it feels like she is a lost cause... I have been nothing but nice to her for the past 3 years, and always make sure she has what she needs, and still I get the attitude and the eye rolls and her not approving of mine and her father's engagement. She has also has been running to his sisters telling them that my FH chooses me over her all the time which is not true by any means, but they still believe her. 

I know what everyone is going to say, do I really want to deal with that and hear and them for the rest of my life? Yes, because what me and FH has is a lot more stronger than all the bs they try and put the both of us through. He is the love of my life, so maybe I shouldn't ask for advice... I am mainly just venting here and trying to catch everyone up on how life has been for me the past few months.

I hope everyone is surviving in stephell <3 


Survivingstephell's picture

He should be choosing you. He should be putting the relationship with you first and bask in the glory that he does. So many men we hear about don't  and it causes many problems.  Unhealthy dysfunction family systems refuse to accept that as healthy.  Remember that.  SD will never accept you or that her father has moved on and has his own life to live.  Again, an attitude from a dysfunctional family system.  It's not you, she would treat any woman as the interloper.    

One thing I will say is that is up to FDH to set SD straight on expectations and unacceptable behaviors and comments.  He should do it every time and not let things fester. ( aka parenting).   He's 50% responsible for the happiness and security in your marriage.  That would involve keeping enemies of the marriage (in-laws) distant so they can do no harm.  


CLove's picture

I went back to re-read your posts. Definitely its hard disengaging but this is the perfect time to do so - put your focus on you abd new baby and DD. 

I would try to stop worrying about the others, and work on building your own team. The Inlaws and SD will never be on your team. They sound horrible and toxic. Bye Felicia!

I dont see anywhere that you are asking for advice, so hey - you do you and read around here if you need disengagement teqniques. Definitely definitely disengage from the MIL.

Hope to hear more good news!

ESMOD's picture

Congrats on the good stuff.

I can say from experience.. that you can't really overly concern yourself with your MIL's opinion.. I mean.. my MIL told my DH she didn't think I was wife material.. so.. 20 years later.. here we are.  She is a fairly fake person.. nice to my face.. but I know she still underneath is not a huge fan.. partially because she thinks I think I'm smarter than her.. well.. I am.. but it's not like I'm over there going over quantum physics in front of her or anything.. but I do live my life my way..and what I think is important isn't what she values.  as in you can love babies and even if you are a crap person.. she thinks you are awesom.  I'm not a baby person.. and she thinks it's funny and likes to bring up how I got stuck watching 2 2 year olds one 4th of july.. news flash.. if people don't like little kids.. it is not funny to subject the kids to them haha.

But.. I would expect a pissant 13 yo girl.. the probably worst ages of all girls to give a good reaction.. shoot at that age.. they hate everyone and everything about their parents and adults.. you are stupid, uncool and you being pregnant will be extremely gross and embarassing to her.  congratulations on that by the way.. and I would bask in all that gloriousness lady!

Rags's picture

As for how SD will respond. Who cares?  She can feel about the baby how she chooses to feel, but, she should have no choice in how she behaves towards you or anyone else in your family regarding the baby.  If she is a shit, she gets a state of abject misery.  Lather.... rinse.... repeat.

As for bullying your DD... time to get DD into an MMA class and have DD break an SD arm when SD bullies.  I was a target for bullies at that age and a bit later.  Until i came to the realization that getting hit hurts so the person bullying/hitting me will hurt worse.  So, I invoked severe damage on them when they bullied.  Few bullies are prepared for extreme violence in response to their bullying.  If a bully pushed me to that point, they bled. And occassionally to have reconstructive surgery in their fac or other body parts.  

I hated fighting.  But when I came to the realization that I had to either fight back or suffer, I made sure the message was clear that targeting me was a bad choice. No one ever bullied me twice after that. And few took the chance of bullying me even once.

As strong as you and DH are, why do you both put up with the crap from his family at all?