SD being unkind to DD
Lately, my DD13 has been saying how my SD12 completely ignores her in school. My SD isn't considered to be very well liked by most of the 7th grade, and my DD13 is considered to be a social butterfly, and liked by many. She is not snotty to other kids, but likes to talk to everyone. She has been trying to associate with my SD12 but she will either roll her eyes and shrug her shoulders, or just walk away from my DD. Last night, she said it happened again, when she was trying to say hi to my SD12 and she just looked at her, and then walked away. It is completely different at home, as they will talk back and forth to one another and watch movies and be fine, for the most part. My SD has always given attitude to others, and has been quite the mouthy one with me and DBF, so in turn, we ended up grounding her last week. Last night, I was cleaning the cupboards and found candy wrappers shoved into places and an empty box of oreos just sitting in there. I knew it was my SD since she leaves wrappers around the house, dishes, clothes, etc... I had thought she was getting better until I checked the cupboard last night and cleaned it all out. People who have read my past blog know that she is a little mini-wife, snotty, immature for her age, and kind of a slob.
I guess I am at a loss as to what to do with both of these situations. How to handle her being a snob to DD at school, and how to get her to start cleaning up after herself. Me and DBF just had a LONG discussion with both of the kids last week and decided to ground the both of them. My DD13 for having two bad grades and my SD12 for having 3 bad grades and being mouthy. I just feel like this cycle will never truly end. What should I do? Just tell DD13 to not even attempt being nice or talking to her at school just so she doesn't have hurt feelings, or should I comfront SD12 about this and about the messes, even though I already have about the messes but it doesn't seem like it stuck. Not really my place to extend the grounding and I feel as though I am just coming to DBF with more issues about his daughter. I don't even want to go home after work, because even her presence just irritates me and I am just SO over her in general.
- cmd88's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
You can't force them to be
You can't force them to be friends or like each other. It's up to them how they manage their relationship, just like any other classmate, as long as there is no physical abuse, privacy invasions, or vicious rumors.
If SD is bitter about people not liking her, maybe DH can gently explain the correlation between nasty attitude and unpopularity.
I'm not forcing
I'm not forcing them to be friends, more just trying to be at least considerate. They both have different friend groups, but to be an absolute snot when someone says hi to her is kind of b.s. It's not DD13's fault for her having more friends than SD.
And you're right about that, DBF needs to have a discussion with her. I would much rather not have the two girls hang out in school, but it doesn't hurt to speak when being spoken too, you know? That's how I grew up, my family would always say, "Speak when spoken to, it's rude to just ignore someone, especially if it isn't for any known reason."
Your daughter tried, be proud
Your daughter tried, be proud that for her but let her know that not everyone is friendly all the time and it's okay to stop trying.
That's what
That's what I told her after the first time she told me that. I know it bother's her because she thinks of her as a sister, and just saying hi back instead of the snotty looks is just absurd. SD gets away with a lot, and this one I have been debating on just being like, ok you're a snot, you two don't have to hang out, but how hard is it to just say hi back and go about your day? And how hard is it to clean up your messes?
you can only try so many
you can only try so many times until you decide to walk away and stop trying. it's a great lesson to learn and might be the best way to talk to your daughter about it. She tried, it didn't work, walk away and stop trying.
Yeah I'd let the school thing
Yeah I'd let the school thing go. Some kids are like this at school with each other. As long as SD isn't disruptive in return. Maybe tell your DD that if she's doing the right thing by waving or saying 'hi' if she comes across SD at school, to not worry if she gets no response from SD. Your DD can go on about her day knowing she did the right thing being friendly, and try not to let SD's lack of response bother her. Your DH needs to come down on her laziness at home though. I would hate finding wrappers all over my house, and be on my DH every time about it.
Agreed
I am thinking this weekend I will talk with DD13 and let her know that what she did was right, and it's not her fault SD12 wants to continue to be a snot. In reality, DD13 has other friends and doesn't deserve to be treated like garbage by her. It's just best if she just doesn't acknowledge her in school. AS for the mess, yeah I brought it up to DBF last night, saying we needed to either have another big family talk, or he needs to tell his daughter to stop being a slob.
Maybe at school she's trying
Maybe at school she's trying to come across as a "bad girl"?
From what
From what DD13 tells me and all of DD's other friends, she just ignores everyone besides her two friends. But you might be right, she might try to come across that way, but really she's coming across as a little a*hole. She does this at home sometimes too. I will ask her something and she will just roll her eyes and not respond. So who knows. It's not cute,I do know that.l
eye rolll
Sd22 Feral Forger would do that. I sincerely wish I could go back in time and say "can you see your brain back there?"
LOL yep!
LOL, yep. Though, one time she did that to me, oh I don't know, like 2 months ago, and I said, "You do know that your eyes and your face are eventually going to stick like that right? Or you're going to become cross-eyed." And she stopped real quick and just put her head down.... haha
1.) Your DD and SD have to
1.) Your DD and SD have to sort out their own social issues. Not exactly the same, but similar example: if you worked with a partner or family member, your professional relationship would be different from your social relationship, which may also be different from your familial relationship. You give your DD permission to not interact with SD at school if SD doesn't want that (and in fact, DD should leave SD alone at school if that is what SD wants) if that is what your DD needs to feel better about the situation.
2.) SD shouldn't be grounded more because she doesn't want to socially interact with DD.
3.) You CAN express your concerns to your BF. It shouldn't be "your DD is being mean to my DD at school, and I demand you fix it!" However, bringing to your BF's attention that their relationship is reportedly different at school and has confused DD could prompt him to have a conversation with SD to make sure things are okay. It's entirely possible that SD is being a pill. It's also entirely possible that your DD or the people she associates with are "mean girls" who SD doesn't want to associate with or has a history of being bullied by. Or SD has loyalty to her friends who have beef with DD's friends so the two groups avoid each other but SD realizes she needs to be nice at home. None of those scenarios need punishment unless one of the girls is actively bullying the other OR they're getting in trouble at school for the behavior.
The teenage years bring on a lot of theatrics as kids learn how to manage their own relationships, and it doesn't always make sense to those of us who have learned and moved past that.
You make
You make some good points. But I didn't say ground SD more for the way she acts at school. I meant ground her more for being an absolute slob in the home after I have told her repeatedly that she needs to clean up her messes. I am not saying that they need to be friends at school, but she doesn't have to be an A*hole when DD is just trying to be nice to her just by saying a simple Hi. I get highschool, I get cliques, I was in both, the not so popular stage and then the mean girl clique. Even being a part of that, I wasn't mean to people, I still talked to everyone and was overall nice. I have came to the decision to tell my DD to pretty much just focus on herself and her friends and not even associate with SD if she is going to be that way. SD has a poor attitude at home as well as in school, she should be thankful that people even the "mean girls" group even try to talk to her.
And yes, teenage years suck. I can see the backtalking, snottyness, laziness all coming out more and more. I am trying to raise the kids that are in my house to have respect and to be kind to others because that's how I was raised, this is why I am having a hard time tolerating the crap attitude that SD has been giving both in school and outside of school.
My own sister and I never
My own sister and I never ever acknowledged each other at school! We're good friends now but back then....