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Married with children and ex wife

CLove's picture

We did it! SO is now DH. STBSkids are now real life step children.

We eloped and it was very sweet and special and exactly what I wanted. A pretty dress that looks like a water color painting, on a little stage in the forest in front of my parents and a few friends. Quick, easy, peaceful and inexpensive. Loving.

We were not going to tell the family or friends or skids, but I recieved advice that out of respect, I should tell the skids before we do it. I took the advice, and Feral Eldest was very positive (who knows if its the truth, she had the opportunity to be rude and mean, didnt take it, and was very pleasant.) Munchkin got my message the day after I texted her, had a little cry, and said she was ok.

Dum dee dum! The drama rolls in like the poisonous toxic fog from "The Mist" movie. DH receives a text while we are driving to go get my hair done from Toxic Beast "Congratulations! The girls are VERY upset." Then about an hour later, while he is driving to wedding location "11:11 I hope you are happy!" (his birthday is 11/11, so little inside reference...because she has inside knowledge of him, and wants to remind him of that closeness they once shared) Then for the rest of the day, we were in blissful silence because - no cell service!!!

Then, once we got back, "I hope the third time is the charm for you, that you can make this one work!" DH and BM were married once in the local courthouse with a judge friend of hers, and then again in front of friends and family with the white fluffy dress and the fluffy hair with the bangs that were one large straight curl, and the 2 kiddos. So Im the third-time charm! Thanks!

Then, "Munchkin cried ALL DAY, and Feral Eldest consoled her ALL DAY. They are not happy about this and do not ever give their blessing!" 

Meanwhile, I get a friendly text from Munckin asking some questions, which I answer, I ask if she is ok, and say that I am sorry that I upset her. She admitted to crying A LITTLE, and then being ok with everything, and hey "Welcome to the family!" 

At this point in the evening - 10 pm, we were tired of the continual toxic sludge from BM. I texted Munchkin telling her what her mother is saying, and letting her know she can speak her truth, she sais REALLY I AM FINE WITH EVERYTHING. DH texts Munchkin saying "your mother is texting me bad things about me getting married and you being upset, please ask her to stop!" This is because DH lit the fire by responding with "I dont give you problems over all the different men you are dating, why would concern yourself with who I choose to be with?" She got really upset, and "how DARE you bring up my dating life, this isnt about ME its about the CHILDREN! They are so upset!!! Crying!!!"

After munchkin did her thing, told her mother please stop texting dad bad stuff, its not very nice (she was at BMs house), all that stuff stopped cold. Imagine your own child chastising you for being mean!!!! LOL. Priceless.

Hooray for Munchkin!!!! We picked her up the next day and had a great time tooling around town, and hanging out at home peacefully, laughing pretty much the whole time. She even asked me "how does it feel being married? Are you changing your last name?" And stated matter-of-factly that "well now its really easy when I need to desribe who you are to my friends - I always have to explain and answer questions. Now its easy because I just call you step mom."

The perfect weekend, really.



moving_on_again's picture

DH should have blocked BM that morning. He knew that was coming. NO WAY would that put a damper on my day. Thankfully, the skids were all pissed at BM when we eloped so they knew but I don't think they told her, at least, she didn't say anything. 

I've also learned NEVER to post pics of anything until AFTER. BM stalks my account via the skids. And they don't have enough will power not to give her their password. 

CLove's picture

I mentioned blocking serveral times, and then made a (correct) guess as to why he did not. It would have been a shadow over him, imagining the worst, when all she could dish out was "stupid, really stupid!" stuff, things that she made up and things that were irrelevant. He wanted to see her give her very worst. And she tried pushing all different buttons, but was unable to dampen our spirits. 

moving_on_again's picture

Eh, I always figure if there is some accident, BM will have her sister call DH. 

Glad you didn't let it dampen your spirits, though! It would have pi$$ed me off! 

CLove's picture

That sucks. BM has blocked and unblocked me via social media. I "monitor" her (no stalking! LOL) on social media. We apparently have over 65 "friends" in common. Its a small town.

After her last incident, I blocked her number on my phone.

Step-girlfriend's picture

Wow, this sounds exactly what our BM would do if we got married! The jealousy was just oozing out of her! FFS, have some respect for yourself and realize that you look pathetic sending repeated nasty texts.

Lol at "DH and BM were married once in the local courthouse with a judge friend of hers, and then again in front of friends and family with the white fluffy dress and the fluffy hair with the bangs that were one large straight curl"

Congrats and glad your day was how you wanted it to be!

CLove's picture

I explained it to my DH, and SD12, that many times it is common for the ex spouse to react in a negative way, and be upset. It might be 2 years divorced (us), 4 years, 8 years, more, but there are people who either still have hope of reconciliation (they were together for 20 years!) or just jealous because they want what we have.

Lets just say, that when she was 25, she was a lot cuter and better looking as a woman. Now, at 50, shes been through 2 children, lots of drinking until she passes out or messes herself, cheating, getting tossed out by her husband, and well - she looks horrible! The small town we live in doesnt have a large number of great men to pick from and shes been through a lot of different men. No one will stick with her for long, these 4 years we have been together, and her own daughter, at 12 yo, has told her she needs to take a break from the men, that she is tired of hearing about them all the time. Imagine being chastised by your 12 yo daughter! 

Aniki's picture

Congratulations of your lovely elopement!!

I doubt that your DH blocking BM would have worked - she would have simply used one of the skids' phones to text her toxic BS. But I don't think it was a good idea for him to put Munchkin in the middle and ask her to be the go-between. Once he was reassured that she was okay, he should have left it alone and left her out of it.

CLove's picture

Unfortunately. And I am so proud of her for speaking up for herself. She told her mother that she was tired of hearing about all the different men, that she should take a break from men for a while, and that she should be nicer to her father. 

But thank you!!! it was not a traditional wedding, but it was PERFECT. 

CLove's picture

will simply not say much about her mens. I think she will do exactly what she wants with or without permission. We shall see. I also think that she will just be quieter to Munchkin about it. She needs a mother not a BFF.

Yes - she is getting better about dealing with things head on. Both her father and myself, lecture her on speaking her truth, speaking up for herself, using her voice. She is getting more opinionated, and Im hoping it wont come back to us in a bad way!!! Just keeping it positive. 

Aniki's picture

BioHo was hellbent on being the SDs' BFF instead of a mother. It worked. They are both now mini 'Hos who only contact DH when they want something (usually money). And since DH cut off the money train, they only call him 2 times a year.

justmakingthebest's picture

Congratulations CLove!! It sounds like it was a perfect cermony!

Of course BM had to cause drama... I don't think most of the BM's that are delt with on this site would know what to do if it wasn't causing issues! 

CLove's picture

THEY and their DRAMA are part of why we are here in the first place.

Thanks a heap. 

CLove's picture

Im 50, so we have about 20-30 good years left lol!

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Congratulations on the wedding, Clove! I wish you many years of marital bliss.

CLove's picture

Its been a looooong 4 years. At least I know what I am up against, no real shockers here.

Dovina's picture

Wishing you many years of wedded bliss.

Besides you are one up on the game. Its not like you got married and then realized he has a crazy ex. Seems like Winona is less of a problem since she has moved out. Munchkin and you have already bonded. So all good!!

CLove's picture

for now, lol. I pretty much know what I am in for. From 4 years PLUS reading experiences here. Who knows what the future brings, but I am going to learn and grow and stay positive. Munchkin hasnt turned 13 yet. Feral Eldest is like her mom and tells many untruths and talks about the truth behind your back. But, the future is going to look very bright once we get this house. EVERYTHING will change!

I love dogs's picture

I'm glad our BM is too prideful to make that big of an ass of herself lol but congrats on the wedding! Small and personal is the way to go, in my opinion.

CLove's picture

I just turned 50 and am way over the "white wedding" hoopla. Would much rather have zero stress, no debts, and a house that we own  - a future we can build on, which is the whole purpose of getting married in the first place!


I love dogs's picture

The cost of some weddings make me sick, honestly. Like the ones on TV. I know they can afford it but come on! I feel like a wedding is between the man and woman, not everyone else. We got married in the court house and never had a reception. My dad did pay for the honeymoon which was just a quick trip to Phoenix and back haha

CLove's picture

And we both have a boatload of awesome friends! At least 200 would attend, or more.

His nephew last year in August had a $50,000 wedding. Huge, and lovely. But its ONE DAY! They have lovely photos to show for it, but not much else.

I guess its its your dream come true, and you have the etraq cash, then sure why not? But if not and you dont, I feel its not necessary for my happiness overall in the long term.

MoominMama's picture

Congrats on your marriage. We had a load of trouble from SD, BM and her flying monkeys when we got married too. It's none of their business, its only YOUR business if you are getting married. I cannot understand these people and their reactions: do they think they are in charge of the entire world fgs!

CLove's picture

Its more common than people think - these issues of BM ex wife being upset by new marriage! And I was expecting it so was not really surprised. She TRIED like crazy (haha shes crazy) to make it "about the girls!" but really, we both know that it was a tool that she created and used to hurt him, make him feel bad, and generally ruin our day (like she could! I mean, he KNOWS what he is missing out on, lol). And now the steam hopefully has gone out of that balloon.

DH was worried that she would come after him for more money, but I reminded him that Im unemployed currently, and even then they dont take your current spouses income into consideration for child support or alimony. If she tries she will fail. 

Maxwell09's picture

Wedding sounded delightful! Sorry about the Ex drama...they just have that entitlement complex that even on your special day, they deserve some kind of attention. I don't agree with putting the skid in the middle but I am glad that it worked out in yall's favor this time. 

CLove's picture

it doesnt happen all the time that Munchkin is in the middle, but it was our wedding day for gosh sake. someone needed to get her to STOP!

Thank you!

Cooooookies's picture

BM2 offered DH that her and I could be sister wives!


I didn't know it at the time but the date I chose for us to get married was the day before her birthday.  Soooooo it was killling her that all attention was on me instead of DH waiting to tell her happy birthday and how she's the prettiest princess in all the kingdom.

Don't ya just love crazy?

Aniki's picture

Sister wives?? Eeeeeeeeewwwwwww!!!! Here comes my breakfast!

'Ho is still PO'd that Spawn10 (NOT DH's) was born on... DH's birthday! Guess she should have planned that "accidental" pregnancy a little better...

CLove's picture

WE ABSOLUTELY chose to NOT get married in August, although it would have made things easier, given us more time, etc. Because DH and BM had gotten married TWiCE in August plus their divorce was final middle of August 2 years ago, so it was July or never. Wel I do like September...but oh well. Yeah, I would not want any association ike that with birthdays, or anniversaries or weddings, or

BM TRIED to get attention, using the kiddos, but it didnt really work out well for her, just made us shake our heads and feel grateful to have each other. 

She stopped eventually, but the next day at pickup, she "had a migrain and a cold..." se blew a few gaskets is what happened, the craziness got shut down, in a big way. I dont know if you read a previous blog, but the last time she texted me before I blocked her she told me she hopes "So gets rid of you, BAM!" yes, thats her mental-ity. She so crazy.

decofru's picture

congratulations clove wishing all the best. dont let skids or bm get you down. DH is yours now, you alone are his better half and first priority lawfully

CLove's picture

It has been quite the challenge, but every day will bring us closer. And further away from crazy.