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Violin-Gate & "I has a sadz"

CLove's picture

Well, I really hate pickups and drop offs for visitation.

Drop offs arent too bad, but lately each pickup involves drama of some kind and crying Munchkin all the way home.


I get home but need to gas up my car before work the next day. I offer to pick up Munchkin SD14 since Im out and about anyway and DH who works as a mechanic is dead tired. Sounds easy, right? DH tells Munchkin Im on my way. Toxic Troll had told DH that Munchkin had been sick and thrown up previously. Munchkin insists shes ok, its just her period (Whaaaaat?)

I get a call as I am searching for the entrance to the ghetto-y apartment complex. Its Munchkin, sounding upset.

"my mom wants me to stay. Feral Forger is going out again and shes...sad. For some reason, I dont know why..."

I tell her "um Im almost there, and I have her check." Yes I am also delivering Toxic Troll Support check.

Munchkin : "oh ok, Ill be outside" (it was warm)

I call DH with this information, and he insists that I need to pick her up and bring her home. K. So I tell her that (cLove in the middle is not a good look for me). The entire way to gas station, sad, sniffles, and silence. 

I ask "Ummmmm so.....can I ask.....whats up?"

The flood gates open, and shes shouting (but a quiet shout) "My mom is angry with me that I told dad about my sister going out, because she wants me to stay with her. She made dinner and now I am not eating it. She wants me to play violin but Im too shy. When she gets angry, she touches my stuff and does things to my stuff". Im remembering the stories of our beautiful 68 galaxy getting carved up in her anger when DH was trying to separate.

Then the tears.

Then the story of the violin. "She is mad that I dont play the violin around her, but shes always there so I dont get to practice, and they laugh at me when I make a mistake"

ME: "who laughs at you? Your classmates?" 

Munchkin: long pause...."my mom and feral forger both laugh at me when I make a mistake, so I dont want to play in front of anyone, she can listen to my homework, if she wants to hear me play, but she just forces me to play and gets mad if I dont...." Her mother bought her this violin. This was one of the classes she was failing becuase she was too shy to record herself.

Egads, folks, I just so wanted to go back and give that Toxic Troll some of her own medicine. 

What did I do with the check you might be wondering? I folded into a tiny square and gave it to munchkin to give to mother. I wanted to spit on it after hearing about violin-gate.


caninelover's picture

I really feel for poor Munchkin.  What a hostile home environment with both TT and FF there.

CLove's picture

I just wonder if Munchkin is telling the truth. Her sister and mother are sociapathic liars. I am always watching to see if she has "caught" their sickness.

But if its makes me mad...and I feel powerless.

Im so freaking jaded.

JRI's picture

I was wondering how things were going.  The drama never stops over there.  Did Munchkin bring her violin to your house?.  

CLove's picture

The drama is never ending. Especiall after TT trolled me on facebook.

Yes, she has to do her recordings for assignments, and since DH and I are at work all day she has plenty of alone space to do it without being self-concious.

But her mother gets mad if she keeps it here. She feels "cheated". Whatever, grow up Toxic Troll!

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

Being a teen is hard enough without personal criticism and that of her peers, but then to have her mom and sister laugh when she makes a mistake? I wouldn't want to play my violin in front of them either! Talk about emotional abuse. Toxic Troll needs to grow the hell up

tog redux's picture

If I could go back again, I'd take everything SS ever said to me about BM's home with a grain of salt. But all you can do anyway is say, "That sounds tough - but you are a smart girl, I know you will figure it out."

CLove's picture

Feeling mad and then feeling irritated. Not only that, but I know that Munchkin tells her mother things too (at least she did) that are negative about our house.

We cant win. I just told her "wow that really sucks".

CLove's picture

Tomorrow hopefully she will have "decompressed", because she always get in the downest of moods when this happens.

halo1998's picture

My DD is a symphony level flute that kid is really good.  Her current teacher used to be the principle flutist in our large city symphony orchestra.  Let me tell you...SHE STILL MAKES MISTAKES. That is why it's called "practice".   Even professionals practice for hours and still will make mistakes.

I would tell Munchkin, unless TT and FF are professional level tell them to stuff it.  and or hand it to them tell them to start playing. 

SMH....because that is awful...we may joke every once in awhile with DD.....when clinker comes out.  Even she laughs...but we would never make fun of her.  Music is hard for most people and takes practice to master.

CLove's picture

She tells me that shes just really shy.

I will recomend. But who knows what is REALLY happening.

advice.only2's picture

It boggles my mind that your DH can't even be bothered to pick up his own kid or drop of his CS. I know I have said it before, but I will say it again, Munchkin is very fortunate to have you in her life. The two failed DNA cesspools who spawned her can go rot!

CLove's picture

I offered because I was driving to gas station anyway. And then he threw that in. It actually ended up ok, because she wanted a "favor" from him that he had to say no to...and was there for munchkin to release her emotions...

He typically will do this himself.

Gimlet's picture

This is a dysfunctional family system that your husband is part of.  Munchkin is starting to see it as such, but she's still part of it and it's comfortable, even though it's difficult and painful.   Since your husband is part of it, he's not really able to help Munchkin cope with it because he's willing to deal with it to be comfortable and he has you as a buffer.

Any update on finding a therapist for Munchkin?  For you?

CLove's picture

Not yet. I did read that post about bi polar in the forum, and researched books on it, and offered to get some books for munchkin, however she politely declined.

Im not sure "comfortable" is the right word. Maybe more afraid of the alternatives? Its "manageable"?

Catmom024's picture

Geez.  Why am I worried that violin is going to end up smashed to pieces/"accidentally" stepped on or pawned by TT or FF.

Do they still have the husky dog?

CLove's picture

for schoolword.

yes, still have the husky dog. She still poos and pees inside. mange has been treated.

MissK03's picture

Does TT try to keep munchkin on DHs nights or is this new? 

What does DH say to munchkin? She shouldn't be feeling shy in front of TT and FF even though they both are no good.

Could it be she just doesn't actually want to play the instrument and using that as an excuse? SD wanted to play the flute in 4th grade... yeah that lasted about a week and she was over it. Not her thing. 

CLove's picture

Occasionally. When she is feeling "sadz" or alone or something...

futurobrillante99's picture

Pressuring Munchkin to play in front of her only so she can humiliate her is a classic narcissist move.

Clearly TT was bored and lonely. She needed a little mouse to torture for her sick amusement that evening. All of Munchkin's reports of TT using a guilt trip about making dinner for Munchkin and how lonely TT would be and pushing her to play violin - it's all sick manipulation because TT needed to be amused.

Makes me sick. Not saying Munchkin is totally reliable but she does sound like someone both TT and FF like to torment.

CajunMom's picture

I feel so sorry for that kid. But I'm so GLAD she has you. Poor baby....she sure has a lot on her plate to deal with at such a young age.