Help and advice needed!
Has anyone been in the same situation as me, i.e. my 3 year boyfriend (we live together) has a 13 year old son with extremely bad behavior. He started high school this year and has already failed his first year. He lies, steals, skips school, and started doing things that 13 year old's dont do yet. BUT he is a very nice kid. He feels guilt and he's very smart. He understands that what he does is wrong, but he does it anyway.
My boyfriend has FULL custody, aka EVERY SINGLE DAY. The child doesnt go see his mother anymore, explained later (shes too lazy to pick him up on her weekends). Thus, I'm the one "forced" to take care of him - feed him, do homework, talk etc (I willingly do this, no one really asks me to but who else will). At first, we got along great. I loved my new role and enjoyed spending time with him. We had a cool relationship, he opened up to me and told me his darkest secrets. He doesnt tell his father anything. However, its been a few months we've been having many problems with him. He started lying and turning stories around. He managed to make my boyfriend's family dislike me. I have done everything I could for this kid, never got a thank you. I'm the one who always backed him up and got him out of trouble, yet he makes it sound like im the bad guy.
Now, things are worst than ever and I'm starting to ask myself if I should just end it. I do not have kids of my own, and im in my mid 20s, why am I bothering with a child that isnt mine? He's causing fights between my partner and I (to the point we stop talking to eahc other). We have completely different ways of dealing with things. I guess you can say im the severe one. My partner seems to be very passive about his son's bad behavior. The consequences are minimal and do not last long. My boyfriend will ask him to do something, if he doesnt, sometimes he'll insist, other times he just leaves him be. I'm always telling him that he has no autority. His son doesnt have much respect for him and steps all over him. Yet, when i talk to him about it, he tells me that its getting better and that his son is doing fine. We just dont seem to agree on parenting methods.
My partner keeps telling me that it will get better, but its been months of this. Is it right for me to stay with a man, build a future, but I cant stand his kid? I know its only going to get worst but I love my boyfriend. It breaks my heart to think that things may end because of a child. I try to help, but my efforts arent completely ignored. Nothing I do seems to ever be good - they see it as me "complaining all the time".
My partner keeps talking about getting married, having kids and buying a house together - he tells me that at least his kid will be in the basement, but I know that no solution. I'm alwayys telling him that we need to fix our issues before moving forward. That we need to stabilize the situation. He tells me that everything will be fine with time.
Any advice? Anyone in the same situation? It's frustrating and stressful and im torn. This is SO MEAN TO SAY but I cant stand his child - his presence annoys me. He's rude to me but acts like the victim around his father. I tried everything, being nice, mean, ignoring him, nothing works. HELP
PS***: I forgot to add somthing very important, I guess it somewhat justifies the reason my BF acts the way he does with his son. He was a mistake. Well, not a mistake, its more like his ex girlfriend didnt want him to leave her so she stopped the pill without advising him and got pregnant. He stayed an extra 5 years with her just for his son. He really tried to make it work with her. Obviously he was miserable so he left her. I would also like to add that his ex is broke, with no education. She tried to get full custody of the kid for MONEY. She tried 3 times to be exact. Each time the court decided she was unfit to have full custody, so my BF was kinda stuck with it. He wanted shared, the court decided otherwise.
In a way, I guess he feels a bit of anger towards his son. He couldnt go to university to become an engineer (his dream), he was kicked out of his parents house at 19 years old, he had to work nights for 7 years, he was forced responsabilities at 19 years old and had no one to help him. It was not his choice and he was loud and clear to his ex that he did not want the kid. She had him anyways and didnt care about the consequences on my BF life. He is constantly telling me that it will not be the same if he has kids with me beause he WANTS THEM. Obviously its not the kids fault and my BF NEVER told his kid he was a mistake, but in a way, im sure the child knows it. His mom doesnt want to see him (since she lost for the 3rd time in court) and his father is somewhat distant with him (even though its not on purpose). We are in no position to judge him because most of us cant understand what he was forced to go through. So I wouldnt say he's a bad parent, i think its much deeper than that.