Is summer over yet? Part 1...
I'm writing two separate blogs today because I need to vent about 2 separate dramas playing out. Oh, and SO will forevermore be referred to as "MR. ED". He's like a good horse living in a shed with blinders on away from the reality of SKIDS behavior!
SS10 has been visiting for summer for the first time EVER. I'm happy to help MR. ED be able to spend more time with SS10 and honestly, I was a single mom for over a decade and I can imagine BM could use the break. I work from home, but SS10 has been a pleasure to have around for 3 weeks. He is respectful, picks up after himself, plays with the puppy, has pleasant and intelligent conversation, communicates his needs assertively, and behaves himself when we go out to run my work or home errands. He even helped pull some weeds for a quick $5. His summer visit was planned well in advance, I knew it was coming, and I know when it ends. No problem there.
SS15 spontaneously decided to join us for an extended visit as well this past Sunday with no clear end in sight. Since he has been here, dishes are left out, crap is left out everywhere, my plant in the living room got knocked over from him playing with dog toys (without the dog present and he lied about it), food is half-eaten and left sitting around, and he comes with a general snarky, arrogant, entitled attitude. Yesterday while I was working in my office, he walks in with phone in hand saying, "And this is *her* office..." He was Face Timing BM and giving her a virtual tour of my home! AGHHHH! MR. ED and I are VERY private when it comes to posting pics of our home online and inviting people over and this BM is not even allowed in the house for a laundry list of reasons. I immediately asked him to please stop, he ended the call, and the sulking began! MR. ED got home and we talked with them both about going to their rooms to Face Time in private and not to film, stream, photograph, post or share images of our personal areas of the house. Their rooms are their own, but my office, in particular, is off-limits. SS15 eye-rolling and pouting continued. SS10 said he gets it because he feels the same way if people see his stuff. An empathetic SKID...Ahhh.
10 pm came, and I playfully walked into the living room and said, "Ok, somebody's got to give up a couch so puppy and I can get a little Netflix time before bed." Since SS15 arrived, SSs have literally been sitting for 4 days, one on each couch, playing a game on their phones in a virtual world together, SS15 singing obnoxiously and whining at the new puppy to "go away and leave me alone", all within earshot of my office while I work all day. It is getting to me. I got a couch and turned on Netflix. SS15 keeps playing games at full volume, so I asked him nicely to please turn it down. MR. ED sitting in the recliner surfing on his phone...silent. SSs turn down the volumes but continue for 5 minutes to laugh and banter back and forth. I say with a smile, "Shhhhh...please" and they continue on for another 5 minutes until I mute the tv and say, "Ok...What's the solution here?" They all stare at me blankly. SS15 stomps out of the room with his blankie and SS10 follows him to their room. MR. ED sticks out his bottom lip to pout because I "made" them go away even though he wasn't even paying attention to them. He says, "Its the WAY you say things." My reply, "I asked and hinted nicely for 10 minutes and then only asked you all to come with a solution, although I don't get why y'all don't know its common courtesy and good manners to be quiet when someone is trying to watch tv!" OMG! SSs have been in that same darn spot for 4 freakin days! Really? If I did say things "the way" I really feel from the jump, he would long for the days of my politeness and patience! Apparently, it's too much to ask to have 30 minutes of peace on my own freakin couch with my dog and a Netflix show at the end of a long day.
MR. ED doesn't get it because he works 12-14 hours a day away from home. That's 60-70 hours/week that I am spending with his kids that he and BMs are not. Am I unreasonable to ask for 30 minutes of R&R that I normally have much more of in the evenings just because they are here visiting? I ended up just putting the pup to bed and going to bed myself after a stressful talk about SD16 ensued...coming in blog part 2. Ugh
*I HATE feeling like everyone else matters more than me 100% of the time.
*I HATE feeling like I'm a tyrant for being assertive and communicating like a normal, healthy human being.
*I HATE that I feel like any kindness I offer up is taken for granted, unappreciated, and even resented.
*I HATE feeling like I'm expected to help with SKIDS when needed but not welcome to comment on ANYTHING they do that effects me.
*I HATE feeling like a babysitter who doesn't get paid, is responsible for the children yet not allowed to actually monitor or supervise their behavior, and is not given the common courtesy of knowing when my job begins and ends. Its insanity IMHO.
Rant over...for now.