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Is summer over yet? Part 1...

ChamomileTea4Me's picture

I'm writing two separate blogs today because I need to vent about 2 separate dramas playing out.  Oh, and SO will forevermore be referred to as "MR. ED".  He's like a good horse living in a shed with blinders on away from the reality of SKIDS behavior! 

SS10 has been visiting for summer for the first time EVER.  I'm happy to help MR. ED be able to spend more time with SS10 and honestly, I was a single mom for over a decade and I can imagine BM could use the break.  I work from home, but SS10 has been a pleasure to have around for 3 weeks.  He is respectful, picks up after himself, plays with the puppy, has pleasant and intelligent conversation, communicates his needs assertively, and behaves himself when we go out to run my work or home errands.  He even helped pull some weeds for a quick $5.  His summer visit was planned well in advance, I knew it was coming, and I know when it ends.  No problem there. 

SS15 spontaneously decided to join us for an extended visit as well this past Sunday with no clear end in sight.  Since he has been here, dishes are left out, crap is left out everywhere, my plant in the living room got knocked over from him playing with dog toys (without the dog present and he lied about it), food is half-eaten and left sitting around, and he comes with a general snarky, arrogant, entitled attitude.  Yesterday while I was working in my office, he walks in with phone in hand saying, "And this is *her* office..."  He was Face Timing BM and giving her a virtual tour of my home! AGHHHH!  MR. ED and I are VERY private when it comes to posting pics of our home online and inviting people over and this BM is not even allowed in the house for a laundry list of reasons.  I immediately asked him to please stop, he ended the call, and the sulking began!  MR. ED got home and we talked with them both about going to their rooms to Face Time in private and not to film, stream, photograph, post or share images of our personal areas of the house.  Their rooms are their own, but my office, in particular, is off-limits.  SS15 eye-rolling and pouting continued.  SS10 said he gets it because he feels the same way if people see his stuff. An empathetic SKID...Ahhh.

10 pm came, and I playfully walked into the living room and said, "Ok, somebody's got to give up a couch so puppy and I can get a little Netflix time before bed."  Since SS15 arrived, SSs have literally been sitting for 4 days, one on each couch, playing a game on their phones in a virtual world together, SS15 singing obnoxiously and whining at the new puppy to "go away and leave me alone", all within earshot of my office while I work all day.  It is getting to me.  I got a couch and turned on Netflix.  SS15 keeps playing games at full volume, so I asked him nicely to please turn it down.  MR. ED sitting in the recliner surfing on his phone...silent.  SSs turn down the volumes but continue for 5 minutes to laugh and banter back and forth.  I say with a smile, "Shhhhh...please" and they continue on for another 5 minutes until I mute the tv and say, "Ok...What's the solution here?"  They all stare at me blankly.  SS15 stomps out of the room with his blankie and SS10 follows him to their room.  MR. ED sticks out his bottom lip to pout because I "made" them go away even though he wasn't even paying attention to them. He says, "Its the WAY you say things."  My reply, "I asked and hinted nicely for 10 minutes and then only asked you all to come with a solution, although I don't get why y'all don't know its common courtesy and good manners to be quiet when someone is trying to watch tv!" OMG!  SSs have been in that same darn spot for 4 freakin days!  Really? If I did say things "the way" I really feel from the jump, he would long for the days of my politeness and patience!  Apparently, it's too much to ask to have 30 minutes of peace on my own freakin couch with my dog and a Netflix show at the end of a long day.

MR. ED doesn't get it because he works 12-14 hours a day away from home.  That's 60-70 hours/week that I am spending with his kids that he and BMs are not.  Am I unreasonable to ask for 30 minutes of R&R that I normally have much more of in the evenings just because they are here visiting?  I ended up just putting the pup to bed and going to bed myself after a stressful talk about SD16 ensued...coming in blog part 2. Ugh

BOTTOM LINE:

*I HATE feeling like everyone else matters more than me 100% of the time.

*I HATE feeling like I'm a tyrant for being assertive and communicating like a normal, healthy human being. 

*I HATE that I feel like any kindness I offer up is taken for granted, unappreciated, and even resented.

*I HATE feeling like I'm expected to help with SKIDS when needed but not welcome to comment on ANYTHING they do that effects me.

*I HATE feeling like a babysitter who doesn't get paid, is responsible for the children yet not allowed to actually monitor or supervise their behavior, and is not given the common courtesy of knowing when my job begins and ends. Its insanity IMHO.

Rant over...for now. Wink

Comments

ChamomileTea4Me's picture

I did indeed.  A fuzzy blankie.  He wraps himself up in, sits on the couch all day, and tosses my Pottery Barn afghans on the wood floor.  Yeah.  I mean, my grown DS is special needs so I get it if some kids are comforted by textures and such, but that is not what this is.  Good catch! Wink

NoThanks's picture

AND he put your afghans on the floor?! I just can’t with these feral kids. Reminds me of the time exSD put a couch pillow on the kitchen floor and used it to ski across the kitchen. And such a mystery why the kids were always sick. Sorry, I know that wasn’t the focus of your post. I just don’t know how you guys handle this crap. Does your office have a door? I would put a mini fridge in there, shut the door and stay locked in. 

ChamomileTea4Me's picture

Feral kids...indeed.  I have likened my situation to that 80's Goldie Hawn/Kurt Russell movie "Overboard" many times. *ROFL*  

You're fine.  I don't even know where to focus at this point.  I'm new here and kind of aimlessly venting for now, I guess.  lol

Negative on the office door and it's right next to the kitchen (office--->kitchen--->small dining--->livingroom in one long, slightly divided stretch).  Sounds like my next DIY project! Wink

ChamomileTea4Me's picture

I would have lost my mind.  Kudos to you if you kept your cool.  Understanding and compassion to you if you did not. lol

AlmostGone83's picture

SD(19!!!) has a nasty old baby blankie from the 90s. It is all stained, filthy, probably germ and bug infested and she STILL needs the damn thing to sleep with. Oh and she is (supposedly) going into the Coast Guard in September (yeah right). I sent it back to FL with her. Just. Freakin. Weird.

 

ETA: it is decorated with “Baby Looney Tunes” characters all over it. Actually come to think of it... that’s rather appropriate for her!

ChamomileTea4Me's picture

Made me laugh out loud here in my office...while SKIDS are now in the living room trying to watch a movie. *ROFL*

Cover1W's picture

Sd15 brought her blankie with her to Europe this spring. It took up half her suitcase. I had to slam my mouth shut when I saw it...in fact, she just might have had two come to think of it.

Petronella's picture

Last Christmas we drove to DHs parents’ province and made the mistake of bringing SD17 along. One of the many annoyances on that trip was the sight of her standing beside our car at every rest stop, in jammies, slippers and blankie, sucking away on her vape.

ESMOD's picture

DH, why do I end up being the Ahole when I want 30 minutes of peace and quiet to watch a TV show with my dogs.  You clearly could have asked the kids to be quiet.. on my behalf.. you knew I was trying to watch a show.  No, they weren't bothering you.. you were just reading something on your phone.  They have a perfectly good room they can go to where they can do as they please.  this is a common area.. common courtesy would be expected"

Gimlet's picture

I would be suggesting summer camp, or at least some sort of day camp.  SS15 too old?  Great, he can volunteer!

Your H expects you to deal with them all day while you are working but I bet if you suggested he take them to work with him he'd say "I can't, I'm working!".  No different for you.

This is not at all fair to you and it sounds like you've been more than patient and polite.

The common area thing would drive me crazy.  There is no reason for them to act that way, they have rooms and they can take it there if they want to be loud.  

 

ChamomileTea4Me's picture

First, I can't tell y'all how nice it is to feel even remotely understood and heard.  I wish I would have found StepTalk years ago!  Thank you!  

Yes, I brought up YMCA summer camp months ago, but SKIDS bucked and Mr. ED went with that.  I appreciate the input because it reassures my thoughts that its the better idea given the circumstances.  Next year, I'm going to insist that if they are coming for an extended visit (which I do think is healthy if we can find some balance), then they need to find some business during a chunk of the days.  I would happily cart them back and forth to camp in exchange for some SKID-free work hours!  They are all so stuck to their phones and social media that they rarely even go outside.  It's so strange to me because I grew up playing outside all the time, playing sports and all kinds of activities.  I was never bored or just sitting around and was expected to help around the house and the yard.  I raised DS the same.  He is on the Autism Spectrum, yet was very active in sports, activities, hobbies, and I didn't even allow him access to the internet unless it was on my laptop in the living room.  I'm at a loss when it comes to SKIDS sitting in one place for days on end, curled up in a blankie, watching Tik Tok videos, making demon cat memes, and chatting with God knows who . I don't get it. *wacko*

Gimlet's picture

YMCA?  Perfect opportunity for SS15 to get certified as a lifeguard!  Great summer job for a teen.

Harry's picture

Have MR ED make a care plan for SS 15. Camp, sport camp. Something to get him out of your home so you can work. Kids should not be at your home if DH is not with him.  There are not here to see you.

if you don’t do something now this will never end

tankh21's picture

My OSS has Asperger's and my DH uses it as a crutch to not have to deal with his kid especially when he does something wrong. It's not fair to you that you have to deal with a teenager sitting around doing nothing and disrupting your work day. You have a DH problem and he needs to deal with his feral kids.