Why Does It Still Bother Me/Surprise Me?
I had to delete my previous account due to giving away too much identifiable information. I have been with DH for 8 years, married for 2. DH has SS8 with HCBM. They were never married, dated during their late teens and conceived SS when BM got off birth control and tricked DH. BM dumped DH after finding out she was pregnant and the games began. She immediately raced for sole custody and hefty CS. BM is classic NPD. DH and I got together when SS was a baby and he had been split from BM for about 2 years. DH had no visitation until SS was 2 due to BM dragging her feet on settling a visitation order. DH had no overnights with SS until age 5 due to BM arguing that SS didn't know DH because DH "was absent" until SS was 2. Then at age 5, when DH was granted overnights, BM moved SS out of state to be with her GF. She has worked overtime to make GF SS's other parent.
DH took BM to court last year for joint legal custody and more visitation. We only see SS 6 weeks per year on a long distance schedule. BM pulled every stop to allow no extra visitation from lying, to false allegations, falsifying evidence, etc. DH was denied joint legal due to SS being established with BM and distance. We were only granted a couple of extra weekend visitations. BM made this whole case about sports being SOOOO important to SS, so important that it trumped visitation with DH. DH argued and provided proof to the courts that SS's summer sport started in the last week of July. BM (who is best friends with the coach) had the coach provide a pergered letter in mid winter saying that SS's summer sports obligations were 3 days per week and every weekend from May to September. DH countered with the official team schedule which indicated late July. Our attorney said she could request changes by April 1, her attorney countered for May 1. DH said "No" that it wasn't adequate notice. BM argued that she doesn't have the team schedule in May so thats unacceptable. Of course you dont have a schedule in May for a sport that occurs in JULY... if it really occurred in May/June, you would have the schedule by May 1. The judge ruled in BM's favor that BM has the right to manipulate all summer visitation schedule to accommodate sports and she only has to provide one week notice prior to parenting time of any changes. The judge literally ruled that sports take precedence over SS seeing his Dad. DH was pissed but he didn't have the money to continue fighting. He was already $40K into a losing battle.
Tonight, DH sends her an email confirming upcoming parenting time and letting her know that he needs 60 day notice for PTO so that summer would need to be negotiated soon or he won't be able to use PTO when SS is with us. She of course turns it into a whole thing about how the court order granted her the right to be flexible because SS's sports are so important to him and his sport obligations will only increase as he gets older. That's BM's way of saying "Enjoy it now because soon SS will be too busy to see you" BM then said that flexibility is a part of parenting and she often has to call in or change her schedule to accomodate SS, something DH wouldn't know about as the non-parent. Well BM, you only work part time (3 days per week) and you drop SS off with every Tom, Dick, and Harry every weekend and use school and daycare full time. You can barely call BM a parent, she probably sees SS 1 hour per night. She then proceeds to say, "lucky for you, the judge said that we can have any third party pick up SS so that should help you." It isnt anyone's job but DH and BM to pick up SS but she always assumes that I am just at her beck and call. BM then concluded with "I hope we can work together closer to summer to sort this out" which is her way of saying "can't wait to fight with you then." So basically BM is going to notify DH at the very last minute just to screw with him.
SS informed us that BM wants to take him to Europe for 3 weeks next summer. Of course she does and you better believe she will pull him out of sports for that. Anything and everything to prevent DH from seeing SS and actually being a Dad. Sports are so important that he can't miss them for DH, but he can for BM.
Sorry if I am fired up, I just sometimes cannot believe this stuff. WHAT IS IT WITH THESE HCBMs?! Every time I think she can't be more petty or vindictive, I'm surprised. I don't know why, this is her baseline. This has been her game all along. I dont even know why it bothers me or surprises me anymore. The worst part is that SS (who is a great little boy) is the one that suffers at the hands of BM's antics and that is hard to accept when DH has done everything possible, yet the system continues to fail him.