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How Convenient

CastleJJ's picture

So yesterday, I posted a very angry blog about BM using sports to alienate and basically telling DH "eff you" in an email last night. See my other post for more info on that. Essentially, BM is using sports to deny DH his summer parenting time. BM made a huge fuss in court about sports being a "huge part" of SS's life and that his sports should be priority over DH's visitation. Because of this, the judge ruled that DH had to move his parenting time around to accomodate SS's summer sport obligations. The judge also ruled that BM only had to give DH one weeks notice for any changes she wants made to the summer parenting schedule.

SS never really seemed into his sports. BM drills it into him. She makes him breathe, sleep, and live sports. I swear she thinks SS will join the NFL and be her financial support after CS ends... Newsflash he is not NFL material. Anyway, yes, SS plays sports, but it's never been clear if he actually enjoys it or if he feels he has to do it to please BM. When he is with us, he wants nothing to do with sports, not to practice them or watch them on TV. 

Well, tonight during our weekly phone call with SS, and conveniently after DH and BM's email crap last night, SS is now gung-ho on sports. He told DH he has started working out three days per week to prep and that he will start his actual sports 3 days per week very soon, which is a lie, his sports do not start until the last week of July. He told DH he is doing very intense workouts and he explained them. He is 8 and essentially doing P90X. He uses like a "Beachbody" app and everything. He also told DH he is drinking whey protein and trying to "bulk up". I don't know of an 8 year old going that isn't naturally a twig... Clearly, BM is ramping up the alienation hard-core. 

Comments

1dad4kids's picture

Wow. Yep, alienation overload. I can't stand BM's who force their kids to lie to their Dad's. That really messes kids up. 

Hopefully your SS actually succeeds at his sports. 

CastleJJ's picture

The thing is, I don't think SS is lying to DH. I think one of two things is happening: 1) BM literally told SS that sports are starting in a few weeks so he really thinks they are or 2) it's like subliminal messaging. Sometimes BM will encourage SS to do a certain thing (like work out to prepare for sports season or "bulk up") but she will do it in a way to where SS thinks it was his idea. Then he will literally go to the ends of the earth to defend that idea or logic because he believes he is the one who came up with it. 

That is why SS believes that BM and GF are his parents. BM didn't outright tell SS this or make him call GF "Mom", she slowly left little cues and messaging that made him start to believe that BM and GF are his parents. She made him think it was his idea so over time, he just accepted it as reality. It's like programming. DH has worked hard to deprogram but it isnt always possible. That is part of the problem because it doesn't lead SS to question or challenge anything aboht why things are the way they are, because he thinks his reality is based in truth, when in reality it is based on psychological manipulation. 

Either way, it's alienation at its finest. 

thinkthrice's picture

1.  you can claim it's "all about the chiiiillllldddddrreeeeeennnnn" (TM)

2.  skid can't bond with dad or SM while kicking a ball around the field

3.  allows the HCGUBM to have complete control over dad's parenting schedule

4.  dad and SM become a taxi service even more so

5.  CS can be revved up to include all these extracurriculars.

 

In my case, Chef's ferals were TERRIBLE at all sports.  They are just HUGE for their age (Girhippo and Chef's definition of "athletic")  The Girhippo would sign them up without Chef's consent for every.friggin.thing.under.the.sun then show up at their events, chum around with her sycophants and not even look up once to see the ferals "play."  The only time there was any actual entertainment going on was when the skids (especially Pumpkinhead OSS) would do crazy things for attention such as high, radio city music hall rockette-esque kicks at the other end of the field when both teams were playing on the exact opposite end of the field (no, Pumpkinhead WASN'T the goalie)  Problem was he was and still is grossly overweight and clumsy (think gigantic ginger Bobby Hill).

OH yeah, and the HATE stares were fantastic at these events from the "Girhippo's community" who listened to nothing but her side of the story.

CastleJJ's picture

Luckily, we are on a long distance schedule so the only interference sports have is with parenting time. The judge did not order increased support to pay for sports. Plus since we are long distance, its BM (actually BM's GF since BM is a lazy POS) who does all the transporting, soccer mom type stuff. It's just annoying that a judge could rule that sports come before parenting time, especially when DH only gets 6 weeks per year. 

Winterglow's picture

I am all for children doing sports but.... there is a limit. I'm not sure how healthy this kind of workout is. A child's body is still developing and you can do some serious damage if he's working with weights. Please check out what he's doing and that it's age-appropriate. If he's being pushed beyond that and being encouraged to do so... It's abuse. 

CastleJJ's picture

We told him this. And DH plans to monitor it during his phone conversations. We got more clarifications from SS and it seems like it is just push ups, sit ups, lunges and curls with a 5 pound weight. SS just likes to talk a big talk. We are going to continue to monitor. Unfortunately, we can't really do anything about BM since she has sole legal and physical custody so we could only intervene in situations of actual abuse, in which DH would call CPS.