Defending his Father's Day
Opinions please. Here's the story:
DH and BM each get 1 week of vacation each summer. In odd years, BM gets first choice so long as it is communicated by March 1.
DH is primary custodial parent during summer; BM gets a 2/1 weekend rotation. If 4th of July falls on or adjacent to her weekend, she also gets the holiday. In the past, this has never happened. DH has had kids for every 4th of July since the divorce. It drives BM a little mad, but there's not much she can do.
BM has opted to take her week of vacation as the very first week of summer break. Assuming there is no delay in the last day of school due to snow days, this would result in July 4 falling on her weekend. She also added in her original notification that if there was a contingency due to snow days, she would take the following week for vacation instead.
Well, the following week would overlap Father's Day, which is DH's per the CO. And the agreement has no provision for "contingency weeks".
Subsequent to her first notification, she sent the following email:
"DH, notice of summer vacation
The girls will be facilitating there 1 week summer vacation with me on June 13th thru June 20th.
Thereafter June 22nd starting summer camp and transition to your home for the summer."
DH replied with: "I will plan to pick the girls up at drop off no later than 10am on Sunday June 21 for Fathers Day, per our custody agreement. This should not conflict with your vacation plans as communicated."
The thing is, we now know that school is currently scheduled to be extended 3 days; last day being June 17. Any waiver offered by the state won't be known until April-May.
So what would you do? It may be important to note that BM is EXTREMELY high conflict, so reasonable concession on her part is not to be expected. DH does NOT want to lose his Father's Day; and they have court scheduled for June 25-26 to hear the custody modification and her litany of [absurd] contempt motions.
How is she gloating? All I
How is she gloating? All I read were some facts, not gloating.
Wasn't meant to gloat ,
Wasn't meant to gloat :? , just noted it because we believe it's the driver behind her selecting the week of vacation that she did. Every other year she has taken time in August when her mother's birthday is; it also normally corresponds to the week before school resumes. She has never asked for 4th of July weekend switches either; and only last year did she even complain she never gets them on the 4th.
Father's Day is just a date.
Father's Day is just a date. Can't he celebrate the fact that he's a father on another date with the kids?
Yup. He can. However,
Yup. He can. However, weekend rotations are different in summer and he doesn't get many of them. I'm due to have a baby July 7 and he really wants to take them to do something special before that happens. He had his hopes pinned on Father's Day because the timing really is pretty perfect.
dunno... my fiance's
dunno... my fiance's parenting plan is crystal clear taht "special days" which are described as mom's bday, dad's bday, mothers day and fathers day always trump everything else.
all that aside, i get him wanting his father's day, but it really is just a hallmark holiday. is it a big deal to celebrate it some other time?
Their agreement isn't clear
Their agreement isn't clear on what trumps what; just that holidays/special days trump the normal schedule.
He can celebrate a different day; and I have certainly suggested that. It just gets tricky because I am due to have a baby July 7 and we have family flying in to visit around that time. He wanted to celebrate with them before all that goes down and the actual date of Father's Day was just great timing. He's made reservations, but could probably cancel (I don't believe there was a deposit).
"Their agreement isn't clear
"Their agreement isn't clear on what trumps what; just that holidays/special days trump the normal schedule."
Reads pretty clear to me. Ok, so BM took June 13th -20th as her one week. If she has the kids on the 21st that is not vacation time but regular time aka normal schedule. CO states special days/holidays trumps. Sunday the 21st is Father's Day. It belongs to your DH, it trumped her 'normal Sunday'.
even though the summer schedule is different than the school year schedule, the set divide in summer is still the regular (year after year) schedule. Not your fault she picked a week that was to be shortened due to snow days. She put in for exact dates. Anyone living in a wintery section of the country should know better than to expect automatically expect school to be let out on a schedule set prior to the actual winter weather. My kiddo has four days o snow days to make up this May. She was suppose to be done May 22nd.
I suggest Dh offer her a re-pick , because he's a nice guy. She can either have the original week she selected (though it is short) or she can select another one in July or August. Her week choice was due by March 1st, she made it, there is nothing in the CO that offers her a re-pick due to weather and/or unforeseeable circumstances (in this case, school change). She should consider herself lucky DH is a nice man and trying above and beyond to be fair to her.
Yeah, you're right. They can
Yeah, you're right. They can celebrate early (late won't really work anyway).
I think I get caught up more in the principal, ya know? Before this current agreement, Father's and Mother's Days were not specified; and BM literally had both skids in tears over a Mother's Day that fell on DH's weekend. He had OFFERED to give her the day weeks before and she refused it.
Just have to remember that we're better than that .. *sigh*
DH is MUCH better at avoiding
DH is MUCH better at avoiding the tug-of-war nowadays. We spent a lot of time getting stuck in it too .. but their parent coordinator has really helped him see how it looks to third parties. But every once in a while we stumble across something like this and it just strikes a chord with DH. He has fought hard to prevent BM from just taking advantage whenever she wants, but it never ceases to amaze me how she finds more things to drudge up and create drama over (not even just this Father's Day thing).
At 24 weeks pregnant, I find myself pretty uninterested in all of it .. but it's not completely avoidable when DH is a ball of stress over these seemingly silly things.
I can't get over that your bm
I can't get over that your bm seems to think "facilitating" is an appropriate synonym for "taking." Trying to sound officious and important, ending up sounding silly and uneducated. Smirk.
Oh .. we have some real gems
Oh .. we have some real gems from her. There have been times DH has had to reply to emails asking her to clarify because we literally can't even understand what she's trying to say.
She will likely be taking the
She will likely be taking the skids to Florida to see her in-laws. The in-laws usually pay for all their flights and house them while they're there. I can't imagine she will book airfare before she knows if the state is granting the waiver for the make-up days. It just seems a little ridiculous to me that she is able to pick a week and then move it if it ends up not working out; to the detriment of DH's Father's Day with his kids.
Silly stuff .. but I know it matters to him on some level still. Either way, we won't really know anything for sure until April/May when the waiver decision is made.
Thank you!
So, DH needs to stick to his
So, DH needs to stick to his guns regarding Father's Day. It is granted in the CO. BM can bitch and moan all she wants. Tough shit and suck it up BM.
As for 4th of July .... meh. Let this one go. We never once had SS on the 4th of July in the more than 17 years of our CO. Sperm GrandHag always scheduled their free week of time share donated to the Sperm Clan by her Judge housekeeping client for 4th of July and set the start of Sperm Land summer visitation so we could never take our 10 days of mid Sperm Land visitation time over July 4th.
I honestly don't care about
I honestly don't care about the 4th anyway. We have historically always met up with my family and gone for a day-long parade, activities, fireworks, etc. I definitely WON'T be wanting to do that just 3 days shy of my due date to have this baby. I'd almost prefer NOT to have the 4th weekend (assuming baby isn't here already) to relax and rest before my FIL comes to town.
DH is more concerned about Father's Day. I'm at the point that I don't really care either way anymore; but always look forward to insight and opinions from this group