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Ironic Isn't It

CastleJJ's picture

So DH is picking SS up this Saturday for our first two week block of summer visitation. If you recall, BM flipped a lid a few weeks back about DH exercising two two week blocks because of SS' football obligations. We finally got everything sorted so SS will be here for two weeks starting Memorial weekend and two weeks at the end of June/first week of July, but it wasn't without a fight. 

Tonight, BM emails DH informing him that BM, GF, and SS are taking a week-long vacation to the Grand Canyon during BM's two week block that occurs in between DH's two blocks. BM makes a point to tell DH that SS will be missing practices on June 2nd and June 25th (which of course falls on DH's visitation), but nothing during that week because... BM, GF, and SS are vacationing with SS' coach... so all football was cancelled while they are gone. 

So SS can't visit DH and I for longer than two two week blocks because of "football", but they can go on a week long vacation, supposedly in "the middle of mandatory football season" all because they are buddy buddy with the coach so everything just gets cancelled. Sounds about right... 

Piss me right off. The only bright side is, we were right about BM and the coach being BFFs so clearly all "proof" BM used in court, explaining the importance of all summer mandatory football was falsified. 

I just keep repeating my mantra: "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference."

Who wants to place bets about whether BM will cause trouble during our visitation or not?


24 years as a SM's picture

Hang onto that email from BM and print it out. Next time she goes apesh*t about missing practice to the courts, hand that email to the judge or mediator. What an idiot.

CastleJJ's picture

It's already printed and in our filing cabinet with the thousands of other pages of documentation. We are hoping to never return to court. Our last custody battle cost a lot of money and got us nowhere. 

JRI's picture

Its a certainty!  Just hang in there, CastleJJ.  At some point, he will age out and launch then youll have many peaceful  years with DH. It happened with us, it can happen for you, too.

tog redux's picture

That sounds very fishy, she's going on vacation with the coach? Has DH verified that those practices are canceled?

CastleJJ's picture

DH has an email from the coach from two weeks ago that says "Starting 6/1 - conditioning/practice two times per week. Days TBD." 

DH got another email from the coach yesterday that said "Mark your calendar. Our first practice will be June 2nd from 6-8p.m. We won't have another one until June 25th so please try your best to make it"... Which both fall on DH's visitation so SS will miss. 

Now BM emails DH tonight that they are traveling with SS' football coach's family to the Grand Canyon from June 16th to the 23rd... 

Coincidence? I think not. We end our first block on June 12th and we start our second block on June 25th. 

notarelative's picture

I'd be tempted to (but I would not) send a reply saying: how wonderful that SS is going to be vacationing with coach so he can get individual personalized conditioning sessions during the trip.

Football here is a fall sport. Here the league insurance would not allow practices /team conditioning sessions this far from the season. My kid's coach got told to stop the sessions or be dropped from the league.

CastleJJ's picture

DH joked saying the same thing, but he would never do it. BM raised hell in her fight with DH a few weeks ago saying that DH has to do conditioning with SS since he will be missing so much due to our visitation. 

BM's email was several paragraphs long and included the whole vacation itinerary and her logic and reasoning behind the trip. DH said that he thinks BM is worried about this getting used against her so she is overjustifying and explaining everything to cover her butt.

This league cannot officially start until end of July, but the coach keeps holding off season "non-official" conditioning and practices. 

BM has been using football to limit DH from having more summer visitation for the last four summers. But BM and the coach are buddy buddy so the coach wrote a letter to the courts during our custody battle stating that SS has mandatory practices and conditioning three days per week beginning Memorial Weekend with games every weekend. 

tog redux's picture

The other possibility is that there never was going to be any practice during those dates but BM hoped to manipulate DH out of his 4 weeks using practices as an excuse. Now she has to pretend that she didn't know practice wouldn't be held during that time until now. 

justmakingthebest's picture

It's always something with these HCBM's. I am just sorry you guys are going though the hell we have been through for so long.

CastleJJ's picture

It is what it is. I feel like we have developed thick skin over it. We have learned to expect it and even though I experience a lot of anxiety when DH communicates with BM, I am almost numb to it all. We've done the court thing and it got us nowhere, so we have accepted the fact that we cannot change the situation. If BM continues her shenanigans, we will start to slowly drop rope and if BM freaks out about DH dropping rope, well she made this mess and will have to face the consequences of her actions. Our mental health and peace is not worth it. 

bananaseedo's picture

Are you sure they are sending it to all others?  Are the other e-mails legit? Almost sounds like it's all fake between the coach and BM to get to you guys, kwim?


CastleJJ's picture

Yes. They are legit emails. The coach sends them from the official league email address and other parents and their email addresses are listed as recipients on every email. These emails are mass sent. We often get "replied all" from other player's parents asking questions or getting more information. 

Plus, the coach then copies the same email message he sends out and pastes it as an announcement post in the official football team group app, which shows who views each announcement, kind of like FB and the "Like" button. Other parents are interacting with the information as well. We have the team roster and parent list so we can cross reference. 

DH not only gets mass emails from the coach, but DH is also on the team app, and he follows the team and league on FB. DH knows better than to trust BM to rely accurate information.