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Classic PAS Tactic

CastleJJ's picture

So DH completed the 8 hour roundtrip drive today to pick up SS10 for President's Weekend. It is also DH's birthday, so we went out to dinner to celebrate. Once at dinner, SS goes "oh yeah, I forgot to tell you. BM and GF told me that they are taking me to the UK next summer." DH asks "Where in the UK are you going? When are you going?" SS responds, "I'm not sure where, just everywhere, and we don't know when yet, just sometime next summer." DH asks, "When did you find this out?" SS responds, "On Wednesday." Of course you did. So now, all SS wants to talk about is his trip to the UK that is supposedly a year and a half away. And we are hearing about it all - the sights he wants to see, the food he wants to try, etc. It monopolized an entire meal time conversation. Classic PAS tactic. 

Our BM is notorious for this. She promises SS some big, far off vacation right before our visitations and majority of the time, those trips never come to fruition. In 2020, BM and GF told SS that once COVID was over, they would go to Italy for two weeks. Never happened. Last summer, BM promised to take SS to Canada for four days. Never happened. So far, BM has taken SS to Disney once for two days while visiting family in FL, to AZ, and to a small cabin up north. That's it. When BM or SS are questioned on why these trips don't occur, BM doesn't respond or responds with "change in plans" and SS just says that BM "decided to go somewhere else," highlighting that BM said the original destination wasn't as "cool" as the new (read lesser) destination anyway. 

I also don't know how BM and GF plan to pull this trip off since DH is entitled to 4 weeks of summer visitation with SS in two two week blocks and per BM, SS' mandatory football obligations take up the rest of summer. BM would never allow DH to exercise his time in one 4 week chunk, so the whole summer is taken up by DH's visitation or football, except for a week or so. DH already told me that he's not conceding ANY summer parenting time so the two yahoos can backpack through Europe with SS in tow. I guess we will have to wait until next summer to see if this trip actually occurs. I'm not holding my breath. I have a feeling the U.K. will turn into Pittsburgh or Nashville real quick. 


The_Upgrade's picture

I would be biting my tongue so "Oh gee SS that sounds nice. I hope your UK trip will be just as fun as the Italy trip" doesn't slip out. 

CastleJJ's picture

LOL I told DH that this "over promise and under deliver" tactic is going to bite BM in the ass when SS eventually realizes that she never lives up to the hype. And we don't have to do a single thing; BM is burying herself all on her own! We will just be sitting back with popcorn when SS eventually realizes that his big trip to Europe is really just a bus ride past the replica Eiffel tower in Las Vegas. 

notarelative's picture

When I read this, all I could think of was the picture of Truman (Truman Show) visiting Mt Rushmore. Even Truman eventually got it.

strugglingSM's picture

Oh yes, we have heard all about all the wonderful trips BM is going to take SSs on. Two years ago (when BM had a boyfriend who worked for an airline), they told us "next summer, mom told us we can go anywhere we want to..." still haven't seen a trip. There was also one weekend, when BM spent the entire weekend texting SSs about all the fun things she was planning...for a trip they were taking in five months. They are only with DH for 48 hours EOWE, but BM just couldn't wait to share all the "fun things" she was planning. She also insisted that they text her back with their thoughts on what she was planning. 

Survivingstephell's picture

Oh you need to have some fun with this!  You need to find out when this trip is so YOU and DH can go on a trip at the same time so it won't interfere with SS time.  Imagine sending SS back with that tidbit!!  " Mom guess what, dad wants to know the dates of the trip so he can schedule his vacation at the same time so I can still see him in the summer."   Maybe you can actuall force her to pony up that money and follow thru.   Lol.  

TrueNorth77's picture

Brilliant. Put her on the spot and hold her to the fire, to make it all the more uncomfortable for her when she inevitably cancels it for "something better"  *mosking*

CastleJJ's picture

UPDATE: So this morning, SS goes "oh I also can't wait for this summer." DH and I thought he was referring to our family trip to Florida. Nope. SS goes "oh no, it'll be my first trip out of the country. I'm going to Italy on a tour with BM, GF, and my Italian tutor." Wow! Italy this summer, BM and GF honeymooning in Greece in the Fall and the UK next summer; so much to do! Clearly BM is already giving away our visitation time (which DH indicated to me will be a problem - he will fight that) or BM is planning on pulling SS out of football for these trips, which goes against her entire court argument to deny us additional visitation. I don't care if they actually go on these trips, as long as it doesn't deny us our time or cause drama. 

It's been a rough weekend. SS enjoys DD1 and has been pleasant, but all he wants to talk about is BM, GF, and their future "adventures." It's so annoying. Somehow we got on the topic of careers and DH's Grandma asked SS if he had thought about what he wants to be when he grows up. SS said "engineer" and that he wants to work at the same company and do the exact same thing that GF does. I had to check my face because I'm sure the eye roll and gag was noticable. SS wants to do exactly what they do. Never considers DH. I swear this kid isn't related to any of us - he is all BM and GF all the time. 

Winterglow's picture

They must have money to burn if they're paying for the tutor to go with them (nobody goes on these trips without due payment). Sounds very unlikely to me unless the "tutor" is romantically involved with one (or both) of them ...

CastleJJ's picture

SS said that the tutor takes a group of their students to Italy for a tour every year so it sounds like it is a whole group of students and their families. 

TrueNorth77's picture

Ah yes, the old "vacation PAS tactic". Crazy has somehow managed to implement this strategy in twofold: She tells skids she will be taking them to (insert mediocre, local destination here), they get excited and tell us about it, she doesn't follow through. Rinse, repeat. She has only ACTUALLY taken them to the Mall of America, exactly 1 year after we took them there...which makes a lot of sense... We on the other hand have taken skids to Mexico several times, MOA, and 2 different states. DH and I also travel a lot skid-free, and she takes those opportunities to tell DH and skids "You and Truenorth travel and don't take skids with you, you care more about yourselves than skids", as if she has a leg to stand on when she never takes them on ANY trips. And as if somehow kids are entitled to go on all trips. 

I love the idea of really pushing BM for the dates of these trips for "planning purposes", to either pressure her to commit, or make it all the more uncomfortable when she bails. Still crappy for SS to get false promises if that's what ends up happening.