Why is it always my job?
So, a few days I was talking with DW about getting BS3 in a learn-to-play t-ball league or a tykes soccer league or something during the summer. The kid loves being outside and seems to have an affinity for sports.
We were talking about it for a while and DW says: "We should sign SD7 up for something this summer."
My response was: "I'm not signing her up for anything. Why don't you tell her father to sign her up for something? I have signed her up for everything she has done, and all I've received in return is complaining, whining and bitching. The only times I've ever been thanked is when you MAKE her say thank you."
Back story: Trying to be a good StepDad and be involved like DW wanted me to be, I (naively) signed SD7 up for various things she asked to try. Ice Skating lessons, soccer team, basketball team, swimming lessons, and a softball team. Every single one of these things has met with near constant complaining, tantrums when it is time to go, her father skipping some of the events with her, and wanting to quit. Not to mention if her BD does show up, instead of sitting on the bench, she crawls and hangs all over him. Her behavior is and has been embarrassing.
We never let her quit, she had to finish out the seasons or lessons. I even (stupidly) volunteered to be an assistant coach for her softball team. That was infuriating, because while I love baseball/softball - all the kid did was whine, complain and throw temper tantrums. She demanded the most attention - by far - of any of the other kids, and when I tried to help other girls with their skills, she pouted or complained.
So... back to the conversation. DW says: "Regardless of whether or not you think her father hasn't done anything, I said "we" should sign her up for something. She needs to do something this summer."
Mind you, DW has never signed her up for anything. I have signed her up for everything. Done the leg work, paid for it, driven her there, etc. After the softball debacle I told DW that I was done. She seems to have forgotten that conversation.
So I tell her: "If you think she needs to do something, talk with her father and you two can sign her up for something. She already has camp this summer every day. And are you forgetting her behavior last year during softball?"
DW gets a little huffy... just like she always does when she knows that I'm right but is pissed that I brought SD7's bad behavior up. She goes on to lament how there are no parent-child martial arts classes she can take with SD7 - something she has been mentioning for 2 years now and done zero leg work on. Plus, SD7 does NOT need DW to hold her hand. That is like the worst possible thing for her, IMO.
I just let the conversation drop. I'm not getting involved in signing her up for anything again, at least for a while. A few days later nothing has happened, and I doubt that it will. We will see, I guess. I just can't wait to hear the whining from SD7 when BS3 starts playing t-ball.
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It's not that we're signing
It's not that we're signing her up for things she doesn't want to do - these are all things she has wanted "so bad" to do... only to complain about it and want to quit 2 weeks into whatever it is.
Again, these were all things she wanted to do. We did not force her into anything. And we don't let her stop until the end of the season because we don't want to raise quitters in this house. When you make a commitment, you stick to it.
This is not your job, I can't
This is not your job, I can't believe your DW thinks that it is. I say, sign your BS up for whatever your area offers for his age (I know bios started soccer/tball around that age, but I also had them in a "little gym" class that they loved and it was good exercise/energy reducer, they did things like soccer, basketball, tumbling, kick ball etc. I think it was once a week at the rec center)
When SD expresses jealousy or a desire to do an activity you simply remind her of her behavior last year and that if she's ready to participate then ask her mom to sign her up.
It guess is my job because I
It guess is my job because I play a number of sports and she doesn't.
Plus I think she thinks it is traditionally the man's role (for better or worse) to do these athletic things with the child. Added to that her expectation that I be as committed of a parent to SD as she is.
I think really it just came about because I kept signing her up when she asked to do things (with DW's blessing and encouragement of course), and so it became expected behavior. But no more.
"Added to that her
"Added to that her expectation that I be as committed of a parent to SD as she is."
Well there you go! You're off the hook!!
I don't understand the "we"
I don't understand the "we" in your wife's dilemma. It doesn't have to be Martial Arts, but I'm sure there's some activity SHE and your SD can participate in this summer.
No way I would be doing all the leg work, signing a kid up for an activity, when she has historically behaved terribly at these events. Maybe your wife needs to feel the frustration of investing time and energy into an activity your SD doesn't appreciate.
My thoughts exactly. I think
My thoughts exactly. I think my previous discussion with her about this last fall was along the lines of: I take her to all her practices and games since I am an assistant coach (and you, DW, are usually at class). You do not have to deal with this directly unless you are there and see the behavior. Until you walk in my shoes you probably won't understand, but I'm not signing her up for anything again.
Wait..she is seven and she
Wait..she is seven and she has already been on all these teams and classes? And a side note...she is seven so she still will need to be told to thank people sometimes. (Some people think that skids should be all grown up and done with parenting at the age of like 4 years old.lol)
Now why doesn't your wife take her to all this stuff? Where is she when you are driving her kid all over creation? She sounds like a really lazy parent.
Yes, she has been since she
Yes, she has been since she was 4.
4 - ice skating lessons (winter)
4 - soccer (spring)
5 - swimming lessons
6 - basketball
7 - softball
We live in a warm weather state where all of these sports are played year round so finding a league is not hard.
I know we will need to remind her to say thank you sometimes, but as is the case with many stepchildren (or so it seems on here), she expects everyone to do everything for her - so nobody ever gets a thank you. Not me, not her mom, and I assume not her BD either.
DW is not lazy, though I sometimes feel like I'm Mr. Mom. She doesn't take her to all of this stuff because of a few reasons: 1) she works about 45 minutes away from our house and typically can't make weeknight events on time, 2) she is taking night classes to finish her degree that sometimes conflict, 3) with softball it was because I was a coach I HAD to go. Some of the events we ALL went to (like swimming and ice skating), but still the same level of complaining... Sometimes I just think DW is better at ignoring the whining than I am.