SS on Vacation?
So, the thought that we have never been on a real family vacation together came to mind and I brought it up to FH. We talked about several options, and when we started discussing time of year he immediately responded saying that "oh well, FSS is only with us during x months for summer." I had to change the subject, because I wasn't sure how to respond without upsetting FH. I don't particularly want him to come along.
I know, my Evil SM is showing... FAMILY vacation, SS IS family...
But I have good reasons.
We all go to resorts with IL's for thanksgiving as MIL has a time share, so that's what I would consider our Family Vacation as a whole. SS goes on various vacations with his other family quite often rubbing it in our faces, but not once have I ever had away time with FH and our DS2.
Not only would it not be a vacation for me because I'd be constantly concerned with SS because he has no respect, manners, or social skills and makes me anxious, but It would cost that much more, plane tickets, hotel room, all that jazz.
Not that we will get the chance to go anywhere anytime soon, but should we get the chance to, would it be wrong of me to ask FH that we not bring SS along this time? He can come along next time when BS is older so they can play together... or something?
That's a tough one. I don't
That's a tough one. I don't know the specifics about your DH, but in my experience, a man isn't going to just understand that you want the opportunity to spend some quality time with him and your son.
How does your husband typically respond to when his child is disrespectful and rude in public? Would it be possible to mention a previous outing that was ruined by him, and explain that you don't want a repeat of that? You can phrase it in a way like, "SS had such a terrible time the last time we went to such and such a place. I was hoping we could have a nice relaxing time without his outbursts. It's hard to have a good time when he starts acting out like that. When he's older, he'll get a lot more out of going someplace like that."
The only other option I can think would be acceptable to him would be to tell him you want an only vacation, and be willing to have your son not be there either.
I am on both sides of the
I am on both sides of the fence here. I would HATE to take SS on a vacation. It would be terrible. And I would love to vacation with my kids and DH.
BUUUT...I would be livid if DH ever told me that I should leave my kids home and go on vacation with him and SS.
No win. We just never went on vacation together. lol
Since he only has his son for
Since he only has his son for part of the summer I think its very reasonable to take a trip without him. I would just come up with a plan of where you want to go and when.....and make the when be when ss is with his mom. Dh will make some comment about ss not being here then, so you can gently say well, I was thinking of this vacation for the people who live in this house, me you and bs. He will probably respond with something about how ss is family too. And I would just say, listen, we take an all fzmily trip with the inlaws, and ss gets vacations with his mom that we arent a part of. OUR son is just entitled to experiences and family time as ss is. Our lives shouldnt be put on hold waiting for ss to arrive. Dh will retorts with somthing blah blah blsh. Ok, when you work out with bm that ss isnt allowed to go anywhere witbout BS and us, then ill agree to not go anywhere without ss.
"ss gets vacations with his
"ss gets vacations with his mom that we arent a part of. OUR son is just entitled to experiences and family time as ss is. Our lives shouldnt be put on hold waiting for ss to arrive. Dh will retorts with somthing blah blah blsh. Ok, when you work out with bm that ss isnt allowed to go anywhere witbout BS and us, then ill agree to not go anywhere without ss."
Love this.
We do two vacations each
We do two vacations each summer for this very reason. I woukd be livid if we included SDs in all vacations. DF would be upsetbif he felt I was trying to exclude them.
We do something with them in July when they are here for full month. Then another in August when they are with mom for the month.
This little set up will work out great if we ever have a child.
I really think you need to
I really think you need to put the shoe on the other foot. How would you feel if DH was stepdad to your kid and he told you he didn't want your kid to go on a "family vacation?"