Allegations of Abuse
SS9 went home on Saturday. We ended up having a great visit at the tail end of visitation. He was so adjusted. We went camping, had SS' friend sleepover, built a box fort, had nightly movies nights, and went swimming. SS even made a comment about me being the glue that holds our family together and he reminisced about all the nice things I've done for him. Before SS left, he gave me a huge, tight hug that I thought was going to break my ribs. He smiled and told me he would see me in two weeks and that he loved me.
Tonight, BM emails DH a 10-paragraph email stating that SS broke down crying immediately after driving away from our apartment claiming that DH hurt him and that SS tried to report it to my parents but that I prevented him from doing so. She brought up the dream about DH hurting SS that I blogged about a few posts back. She also said that SS informed her that I eavesdrop on all of BM and SS' phone calls. She claimed that SS has been crying for months and is scared of us. She claimed that we shot SS with a Nerf gun because of not making his bed perfectly. BM tried to say that we fail to accept SS' pleas that "No Means No and Stop Means Stop." She tried to say that she didn't send this information "to cause a fight, but only so we can improve and do better for SS." She claims that SS has been crying intermittently since March because of these issues, yet we are just now hearing about this.
None of this is true. DH doesnt even play roughhouse with SS, solely to avoid allegations like this. SS always takes his phone calls with BM in another room, except this week, when she Skyped SS while we were in the car driving. SS barely lifts a finger when he is here; he fails to clear his plate, make his bed, nothing. There is never punishment; just a reminder and if he fails to do it, we do it. Hell, SS has told us about things BM and GF do that are questionable. He told us that BM makes him stay in his room until noon without food and access to a bathroom. We are certain this is an exaggeration because 20 minutes is 2 hours in SS' mind. SS has been talking about GF's work in law enforcement, prison, bombs, violence, and crime. He told us that at BM's, he drinks Mountain Dew and listens to provocative rap music, but it's not our house and he isn't in danger/harm, so we don't address it. BM brought up my brother, my parents, me and DH in this email, accusing all of us of some form of wrongdoing.
So, DH emailed her back refuting the allegations as false, expressing that SS has brought up concerns about them as well, which may be a sign of a bigger emotional issue or that SS is trying to pit households against each other, and that the four of us should have an in-person group discussion with SS present to address these serious concerns together. DH asked me if I would be okay being a part of the conversation, more so as a witness and that he would record the group conversation on his phone without BM knowing since one party consent laws are applicable in our state. DH called her bluff because he knows that BM will never agree to a group discussion because these allegations never happened and we doubt SS said any of it. If she responds "No" then DH will pull the line our attorney once gave us and respond: "Your allegations seem intended for court purposes to create falsified documentation which could serve useful in future court proceedings. Emails like these will not be entertained in the future without proper legal representation."
BM wants to slowly widdle away at DH's 6 weeks of visitation. She sent an email a month ago saying that SS' sport obligations are only going to increase in upcoming years which may impact our visitation and now she has false abuse claims that she isn't reporting to authorities but wanted to "let us know." It's similar to the stunt she pulled during court, accusing my BIL of sexual misconduct at our wedding, which she attended to "supervise" after receiving court permission, out of fear of sexual misconduct occurring at the wedding. I see what she is trying to do. Plus, the judge told BM during court that what happens during our parenting time is none of her concern unless SS is in danger/harm so cue abuse allegations to attempt to control our household. Seems a little too convenient if you ask me.
To make matters complicated, I found out this week that I am pregnant. DH and I are over the moon and have wanted to start a family for a long time. I do not need this stress and DH knows it. He said if BM starts up her shit again, he will likely be done with SS, especially since BM is making bigger accusations and drawing other family members into it. I told DH that I will not jeopardize our child or my health to keep SS in our lives for 6 weeks per year. He agreed.
I just hate this woman and don't understand why this has to keep happening.