SS Opened up last night about BM
I had no idea how much he had "put things together" in his mind. We were at my daughters softball practice when he overheard some parents talking about how a town nearby ours is flooded with meth labs. We got in the car, and he started the conversation with "do you think that is how my mom started doing meth, remember she dated that guy that lived out in *meth town*". He asked if she was still in rehab, I told him I don't know for sure, but I honestly don't think so. Then he got MAD, and the flood gates opened.
From there we discussed how long it has been going on, and how he thinks she got so bad. He told me how much he hated living with her last year. He hated her friends. He told me that the girl she had living there with them was "EVIL". He repeated it several times. She is EVIL. He said that the people they would bring in to the house were scary and he was afraid to even bring friends over, and embarrassed. He told me that he thought she had been doing drugs (more than weed) since her last serious boyfriend left her. That was in 2012. He said he thinks she got really bad last year and then met METH MAN, and just completely lost it. He HATES METH MAN. Repeating over and over that he hates him. He didn't give specifics to why. He just HATES him. He told me that he should have known sooner that something was really wrong, "I mean, people don't just get THAT skinny and loose there teeth for no reason".
He also told me that he doesn't think she will ever stop using. And he loves her because she is his mom, but she will never be the mom that he needs. And he doesn't think he can ever forgive her for choosing drugs over him. He told me that he has me as a mom, and always has. This is where is started crying... and he reached over, put his hand on my shoulder and told me "don't cry, we have a good life, she made these choices". When did he become the mature one in OUR relationship?
I just love this kid.
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This child has seen more in
This child has seen more in his little 13 years than I will ever see in my life. He is mature beyond his years, for all of the wrong reasons, thanks to BM. I thank God every day that he is choosing the right path in life so far and not taking the easy way out like his mom has. She was ALWAYS a bad seed. In rehab at age 14 for meth. All bad from there.
You mam, need a big fat cup
You mam, need a big fat cup of hot cocoa or wine or whatever tickles your fancy. You give yourself a giant pat on the back because you have won one of the hardest games in life. You have earned the title of step-MOtHER in every sense. You wear it loud and proud. You are an inspiration to this community but more importantly-that (not so little anymore) young man.
Here come the tears again.
Here come the tears again.
Thank you. You have no idea how that warms my heart to hear.
They're victory tears! If you
They're victory tears! If you gotta cry, let it be for a happy reason!
I have told you this a
I have told you this a thousand times before, but that child is so lucky to have you as a mom
I knew SS knew what was going on, and so did you. I am so glad he has finally released all that crap.
I am so glad he feels safe enough to confide in you. I would try to get him to talk a little bit about why he hates meth man so much. There IS a reason, and it might be a scary one. Dog only knows what SS witnessed in that hellhole of a relationship
Is it time for your ss to
Is it time for your ss to start talking these things through in a support group or with a therapist? He is very aware of what is going on, maybe some outside support and an outlet would be good for him. You and your husband maybe too close for him really to really unload onto.
We continue to offer this to
We continue to offer this to him. He doesn't want to. He says he would rather talk to us. So we just let him as he feels comfortable. We don't pressure him, when he wants to talk we listen. If he asks questions, we answer him as best we can with the truth. We stopped covering for her a while ago. We will continue to offer counseling to him, but forcing anything on him causes him to shut down.
Dang it! I knew I should have
Dang it! I knew I should have gone with waterproof mascara!
I am so glad he confided all
I am so glad he confided all this in you and that he has you. You are what is going to make a difference in his life !!!!
Thank you Supermom. I have
Thank you Supermom.
I have been in SS's life since he was 1, we had a rough first few years because BM had him brainwashed. But he was so little and didn't know any better. I couldn't take it out on him. I just loved him through it and never talked bad about her to him. Now he understands that she was the one that was wrong. He is the kind of kid that is hard NOT to love. He is just a good person. He's going to make someone a good husband some day.
Supermom - most of us who
Supermom -
most of us who follow the "not my monkey, not my circus" mantra get treated like shit by our skids.
BS doesn't - the kid loves her and doesn't disrespect her or treat her like a servant.
"It's hard not care about someone when they live in your house FT and you see the hurt they endure"
This is also true for SMs who get shit on by their skids, but the skids see the hurt we endure and just continue to pile it on.
SMs feelings matter, too. I cared a lot about my skids in the beginning. Now I care about myself more.
This is very true WOB, I also
This is very true WOB, I also have a DH that has never put up with BM's crap and didn't allow SS to buy in to her stories when he was old enough to understand. Truly DH is to be credited for how respectful SS is of me. I won't put up with disrespect, but DH doesn't allow it to happen in the first place. And the same goes for me with my girls. The slightest indication that they are treating him anything less than respectful, I put my foot down... and honestly so does my EX. He lectured the girls once for 20 minutes in my living room for getting mouthy with DH about doing chores "he is your parent too, and you WILL listen to him. He works hard to put this beautiful roof over your head and you want for NOTHING. You respect him, or you will be grounded from life". DH and I just stood back and watched. It is nice to have a TEAM. If BM were normal, she could be a part of that team for SS.
Yep - BS, as with most SM
Yep - BS, as with most SM things, it is all about the DH and how he handles things. I envy you that
(((hugs))) you already know
(((hugs)))
you already know how i feel about all this. like WOB said, i'm glad he got these pent-up feelings out.
Awe how sweet and terrible
Awe how sweet and terrible all in one post. I feel so terrible for him and his anger towards methman and Evil roommate makes me nervous but I am so relieved to hear that he knows you love him and yalls life together is what he wants and needs. A kid should never be embarrassed to be a kid.
I asked him what it was that
I asked him what it was that he saw when he was living with her. He said nothing HORRIBLE. He did catch BM smoking weed, but nothing worse than that. It was the conversations he over heard that made him hate the room mate. And I am sure he hates METHMAN because his mom has chosen HIM over SS. He said "she is sooooo in love with him and he's just going to keep hurting her". He can see her instagram, and she posts a lot of crap about her "relationship" with that guy. He knows what she is talking about. He's way smarter than BM.
Maybe its time for the little
Maybe its time for the little guy to tell his BM exactly what he told you.
My SD is like your SS, only she isn't afraid to tell BM exactly what she, SD, thinks. I was told that BM and SD got into an argument Monday and SD told her Mom that I was more of a Mom than BM was.
BM replied that I wasn't her Mom
SD said that I was more of a Mom bc she, me, is the one that is always there for her when she needed someone.
A mutual friend told me they had this convo in front of her.
I get sad thinking about these kids who just want a Mother to be there and so many Mothers today would rather let a man or drugs replace their kids.
SS is pretty open with BM.
SS is pretty open with BM. Part of our conversation he told me last night was that he had gotten in to an argument with her this week on the phone. I guess she said something about "I can't believe your dad won't let us see each other" and he said "its not my dad, this is my choice". So she said OH well lets see each other and he told her "You just don't get it, I don't WANT to see you".
Also a few weeks ago she asked him if she could pick him up from school and he told her "are you kidding me, you have been in rehab for 4 days, no you can't pick me up from school". Her stepmom told me about that one.
Best thing I've read here in
Best thing I've read here in quite a while, BS.
DH has a niece and nephew who grew up with a druggie mother. Unfortunately, they did not have the benefit of a fairy godSM like you and are both addicts.
Blessings on you for being all the difference in your SS's life.
We don't hear a lot about it
We don't hear a lot about it here - but there are skids who truly appreciate their stepparents and realize that their bio parent is WORTHLESS.
My DH's sister IL rescued her stepdaughter when she was about 6 or 7 from a neglectful situation with her bio mother. When she and her first DH divorced she kept the SD and raised her. The SD is now a grown woman with grown children and grandchildren. She and my DH's SIL are as close as any bio mother and daughter could ever be.
Her SD loves her with all of her heart and realizes that this was her mother - the woman who loved and raised her even if she did not give birth to her.
I just want to hug that guy
I just want to hug that guy for a really long time. I'm so thankful he has you BS. You are an amazing SM.
Bless his heart. My two SD's
Bless his heart. My two SD's are 13 and have had a mom in and out due to opiate addiction. It sucks. We have had full custody of them since they were 4 and watching how it trickles down to affect them over and over again is infuriating. Kudo's on raising a good kid! He has a very clear head on his shoulders by the sound of it.