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BSgoinon's picture

Really BM? LOL!

Ok, so we are going on 9 months now that SS hasn't seen BM. He goes back and forth between talking to her and telling her he wants to see her (but never mentioning that to me or DH) to completely ignoring her texts for days on end. Most recently BM text him to tell him she got a new phone number. SS happen to have friends over at the time and I  overheard him tell them "she gets a new number like every 2 months, it's so weird". DH got the same text from her a few hours later. Neither of them responded to her. 

Fast forward several days, she text SS again asking if he had gotten  her text about the new number, he responded "NO" (lie). So she texts him several times in a row after that about nothing really, and he ignores her. A few days later she texts and he actually starts reponding but he's being super short with  her. One word answers to her questions, she even asked him if he was ok, and said he seemed "sad". Ummmm how would you know how he acts when he is sad, you haven't spent time with him since he was 11, he's 15 now. His short answers aren't "sadness" they are "you are annoying me but I feel obligated to respond". Anyway he tells her "nope I'm very happy". 

Then he decides he misses her a few days later. This poor kid, my heart just hurts for him sometimes. And to answer in advance, no I am not upset with him for this conversation, I know he agreed with her when she tried to throw shade at me, but he's a kid and in a crappy situation... anyway:

BM- Hey I REALLY miss you

SS- Me too

BM- I dont know how much longer I can go without seeing you

SS- ik (I know) 

BM- I'm getting grandpas truck back soon, please talk to your dad soon and see what we can do so we can see each other

SS- ok

BM- Ugh... your dad, it's so much easier to talk to him when he is traveling, at least it used to be (insuating that she prefers to talk to him when I'm not around because he will actually talk to her, which is FALSE for so many reasons, but I'll get to that)

SS- I hear ya

BM- ok, so low key tell me when your dad is traveling again so I can call him and we can actually TALK 


10 minutes later


BM- Ok well, I'm tired, gonna go to bed love you. 

SS- love you too


So... DH doesn't talk to ANYONE when he travels. He is busy from sun up to sun down. In fact when BM WAS in the picture, she would text and ask if he could talk not knowing if he was in town or not and he would tell her "no, I'm out of town working". Every single time. And not because I requested that he doesn't talk to her, I don't give a SH*T. In fact for years I would BEG him to so she would stop calling me. And he's much nicer to her when I AM in the room because I would try to get them to actually communicate instead of fight. So, she is an idiot for saying that at all... but ALSO, SS does not like it when she tries to get him to do sneaky things. She once wanted him to sneak out and meet her at the park up the street from our house. She told him "if you get a chance to sneak away let me know and I'll meet you at the park". Of course he never responded to her and what she doesn't know is that he actually at that very time went to that exact park with his friends, so he could have easily seen her. But... he didn't. She text him later that night and asked if he was ok because she never heard back from him, he ignored that text as well. 

She doesn't get it. He KNOWS that DH and I are his people. He would never defy his dad like that, and he certainly doesn't want her around his friends. I can't believe she actually thinks he would do that. She encourages him to lie and misbehave. Immature. Apparently SS told his grandma (BM's stepmom) that BM told him to sneak out and that it made him mad. SS tries really hard not to make waves. Him saying "I hear ya" kind of hurt my feelings, but I just let it roll off my back. DH talked to  him about it later and explained how disrespectful that is to me, and I'm the one that takes care of him. SS apologized and said that sometimes he just doesn't know what to say to her. Which, I get. 


BSgoinon's picture

It's so frustrating. That's why I don't really get mad when he does things like that, it's not his fault. Now that he's a little older we address it with him and tell him a different way to handle it, so hopefully he will learn that he can tell her she is out of line without being disrespectful to her. He's getting there. 


She's just an idiot. 

BSgoinon's picture

DH RARELY travels anymore, so... LOL if he is traveling he's traveling with ME, and usually our kids, on vacation hahahah so yeah, call him when he's traveling, see how that works out for you. HA. Wait he has a 1 day trip in November, call him then. When he leaves there he's meeting me at the port for a cruise. 

Gimlet's picture

You are so great at keeping things in perspective.  <3

I really wish this POS of a "mother" would just go away and leave that poor kid alone. 

BSgoinon's picture

I really try, and It's taken me a lot of years to get to this point. 13 1/2 to be exact. But, in the end, all I care about is SS's well being. The rest is just drama and I don't need that. 

Me too, I really do wish that. I don't know how all of this will impact him as an adult, having a mom that abandon him. But I am hoping that we are handling it in a way that he won't have crap to deal with later. 

advice.only2's picture

It’s awesome that SS has so much loyalty and respect for you as his parents.  We never had that luxury with Spawn, if meth ex texted her to sneak out she would.  Big kudos to you and DH for raising  a kid who knows right from wrong.

BSgoinon's picture

We are really trying. It's not easy with a teenage boy to begin with, then you throw BM in to the mix and the odds are stacked against us... I give a lot of credit to SS though, he really  is just a good kid to the core. He has a huge heart. 

theoldredhen's picture

Hey, BSgoinon,

You, my dear, are the one with the big heart! I can only hope that your reward comes before heaven. You deserve it!

BSgoinon's picture

You are sweet. Being his mom is plenty reward. The kid has my heart <3