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Good news! He's learning!

blessedwithstress's picture

Backstory: SD16 got a car. Within 3 months, BM wrecked her own car and commandeered SD16s car until they could buy a replacement. Said replacement turned out to be a brand spanking new fancy-pants truck with all the bells and whistles. BM gives DH a sob story about how they can’t afford to keep SD16s truck on their auto insurance now because they have a new car payment and proceeds to guilt him into forking over more money to help with SD16s car insurance. Otherwise, as BM so delicately put it, “SD16 will be devastated if we have to take her car off the insurance and she can’t drive…especially since she just got it”. *eyeroll    So basically she emotionally blackmailed DH into giving her money every month for insurance. Something that he and I agreed together that we would NEVER do when SD16 got a vehicle since we would likely be saddled with paying insurance for SSs insurance when his time came to get a vehicle.

So, DH pays extra for about 3-4 months to help out. Cut to today – DH hasn’t paid her anything in a while (because our bills do tend to come first) and BM texts regularly to say ‘Your portion is now $xxx, please get that caught up.’ I happened to see one of these texts on DHs phone and casually asked him if he was seriously going to pay her that full amount. He seemed intentionally vague with his answer and didn’t really say yes or no. I confronted him later and said, “Now hold on. We agreed long ago that we weren’t going to do this. You caved because you let BM guilt-trip you. You told me you would only do it for a couple of months until SD16 got a job and could pitch in. Now she says you owe all this money – an amount that would harm us financially if you give it to her – and you’re seriously considering giving in?”

He paused a moment to think. So I jumped in again and said ‘Do you realize that any financial impact that paying this insurance has on their household has long been absorbed? Did you also realize that she got a new job with a nice raise a couple months ago? They’re not hurting as bad as she’d like you to believe.’

Before anyone says How can you possibly know anything about their finances?, she is friends with me on FB and frequently messages me stuff like we’re BFFs. She has told me all of this stuff, albeit not in these exact words. I’m pretty good at reading between the lines.

He mulls it over a little and admits that his plan is to avoid paying her anything until SS16 gets his car, at which time we will cover SS16s insurance and BM can get bent because it will all be a wash with each household bearing the burden of one extra vehicle on their insurance.

This response, while not totally what I was hoping for, makes me happy and gives me hope that he is starting to stand up for himself (and us). He didn’t tell her no, but he isn’t planning to give in. Considering our history, that is a big step in the right direction!

Comments

advice.only2's picture

Lol I was thinking you were going to find out he has been paying her the money for her truck payment this whole time and she's freaking out about the money because her new truck is going to get repoed.

Siemprematahari's picture

I'll never understand how these men can't tell their X No. They are more scared to disappoint and upset their Xwife than the one they are with now. You're good because I wouldn't have allowed him to pay for step daughters car insurance. Her mother went and bought this fancy truck with bell & whistles so she can go and pay the insurance herself. She didn't consult your H when the car was purchased but she knows how to ask for car insurance money??? Yeah not happening.

blessedwithstress's picture

I think in my DHs case, he has always been afraid to say no because she turns into a psycho and immediately resorts to threats. He's been afraid she will try and take him to court or tell the kids they can't come over or some other nonsense. Seeing as the skids are 16 and 17 now, I think those threats would harm BM more than anything. 

hereiam's picture

‘Your portion is now $xxx, please get that caught up.’

Please kiss my ass. Seriously, who does she think she is? She's obviosly been paying it, so....

Aniki's picture

Right???

BioHo tried to talk DH into "helping" buy SDthen18 a car. He told 'Ho that he was not about to fork over one red cent for ANY skid to have a vehicle OR insurance. If 'Ho wanted them to have a car, she could finance it OR skid could get a job OR skid could get a job and 'Ho could help. But he was NOT. Period.Dot. 

CLove's picture

We are both in agreement that Munchkin SD13 will gt a job, pay her own insurance and we will provide a good "driver car" that is used and older. Fortunately for us he is currently a mechanic.

We dont need Toxic Trolls input on ANYTHING. Feral Forger SD20 doesnt even have her license yet, so she ubers or momeee drives her...

Harry's picture

Job if he wants to pay his X more money then CS.  If do happy to pay he will be happy to work more.  Walmart anyone