Good news! He's learning!
Backstory: SD16 got a car. Within 3 months, BM wrecked her own car and commandeered SD16s car until they could buy a replacement. Said replacement turned out to be a brand spanking new fancy-pants truck with all the bells and whistles. BM gives DH a sob story about how they can’t afford to keep SD16s truck on their auto insurance now because they have a new car payment and proceeds to guilt him into forking over more money to help with SD16s car insurance. Otherwise, as BM so delicately put it, “SD16 will be devastated if we have to take her car off the insurance and she can’t drive…especially since she just got it”. *eyeroll So basically she emotionally blackmailed DH into giving her money every month for insurance. Something that he and I agreed together that we would NEVER do when SD16 got a vehicle since we would likely be saddled with paying insurance for SSs insurance when his time came to get a vehicle.
So, DH pays extra for about 3-4 months to help out. Cut to today – DH hasn’t paid her anything in a while (because our bills do tend to come first) and BM texts regularly to say ‘Your portion is now $xxx, please get that caught up.’ I happened to see one of these texts on DHs phone and casually asked him if he was seriously going to pay her that full amount. He seemed intentionally vague with his answer and didn’t really say yes or no. I confronted him later and said, “Now hold on. We agreed long ago that we weren’t going to do this. You caved because you let BM guilt-trip you. You told me you would only do it for a couple of months until SD16 got a job and could pitch in. Now she says you owe all this money – an amount that would harm us financially if you give it to her – and you’re seriously considering giving in?”
He paused a moment to think. So I jumped in again and said ‘Do you realize that any financial impact that paying this insurance has on their household has long been absorbed? Did you also realize that she got a new job with a nice raise a couple months ago? They’re not hurting as bad as she’d like you to believe.’
Before anyone says How can you possibly know anything about their finances?, she is friends with me on FB and frequently messages me stuff like we’re BFFs. She has told me all of this stuff, albeit not in these exact words. I’m pretty good at reading between the lines.
He mulls it over a little and admits that his plan is to avoid paying her anything until SS16 gets his car, at which time we will cover SS16s insurance and BM can get bent because it will all be a wash with each household bearing the burden of one extra vehicle on their insurance.
This response, while not totally what I was hoping for, makes me happy and gives me hope that he is starting to stand up for himself (and us). He didn’t tell her no, but he isn’t planning to give in. Considering our history, that is a big step in the right direction!