One step toward improvement...
We are now in counseling. Well, at least I have started counseling. DH is still waiting for his referral to come through from my EAP but it should only be a couple of days. He is definitely on board and truly wants to make things better between us. The counselor is nice. Very engaging - not like the last one. We've only had one session but I think this is going to help. Spent most of the first session unloading all of the basics - why we were seeking counseling, the lows that I reached (throwing around the D word), how all this is affecting me physically and emotionally (despression, anxiety attacks). Counselor agrees that BM is a controlling wench (her words! LOL) and that DH has allowed this psychotic arragement between them to exist because he is afraid of her. I am hopeful that we can dig deep with this lady's help and find a solid way forward. She gave me a 'homework' assignment to make a list of things that trigger my anxiety. BMs ring/text tone on DHs phone was at the top of my list (it's a barking dog, haha she's a b*tch, get it?). The second - when she group texts DH and I with a laundry list of things that we owe her 'our half' of the money for. I almost blocked her number last night just so I wouldn't have to see it. Almost...
On a side note, we have been getting along much better lately. The love life hasn't been as stale. I think it has helped that we've had more time together away form children. We recently went on a long weekend camping trip with a few other couples and left the kids home. It was cold and wet but still very enjoyable. I'm starting to think we need to have regular date nights or something where we can just be US without children present. We seem to stay connected better. That's probably a no-brainer for most relationships but apparently we need to learn the basics all over again...
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Good that you are doing counseling
Adult time alone is great and needed. You should try for once a month. To do something alone.
But BM will not go away, so you have to set up boundaries with her. Like no group texting. E mail only. So you can check it when you feel like it.
It's GREAT to hear that you
It's GREAT to hear that you're working on the marriage and on yourself!
And I can appreciate why you haven't stopped all comms with BM. Since you can't rely on your H to stand up to her or say no to her financial demands (yet), it's best that you be included and aware of her machinations. You've got to protect your own interests until your H evolves enough to be able to draw boundaries with her.
Onward and upward!