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DH has reached his limit or growing pains - LONG

BettyRay's picture

This week sucked. It was one thing after another with the skids.


Last week DH finally checked SS13's grades online. Well SS13 is failing most of his classes. It was our weekend so Dh worked with SS13 all weekend and got him caught it. DH emailed the teacher to let her know SS13 would be handing in his missing assignments.

DH gets an email from the teacher Monday afternoon letting him know that SS13 said he lost the homework so nothing was turned in.

DH has SS13 redo all the homework Monday night and Tuesday afternoon DH gets another email from the teacher that SS13 has only turned in part of his homework and told her he has lost the rest. DH is livid.

DH forwards the message to BM (since the skids were with her). BM emails back that she's not going to be home that evening so she won't have time to help SS13 look for his missing homework. :?

The skids are with us Wednesday so DH has SS13 again redo the missing assignments along with his homework for that night. During this process SS13 makes a comment that he doesn't care what DH thinks. DH lost it.

DH says to SS13: "Well then you don't need to come here if that's how you feel. I pay full CS so stay by your mom's from now on. I have better things to do with my time than help you. BettyRay and I sacrifice a lot for you boys and if you don't care than I don't care either."

SS13 started crying. He went to put his books away and came back a little while later and said he was sorry. DH accepted his apology but you could tell Dh was still angry. Which brings us to SS17...


He didn't get the welding job. When he left for the interview that morning he was wearing a tie-dyed t-shirt and old stained pants. I asked him to change into a polo shirt and nice khakis but he said he thought he looked fine and took off for the day.

When DH found out SS17 didn't get the job and had not dressed nicer DH was upset.

Then Tuesday afternoon DH gets an email from SS17's HS counselor asking him to remind SS17 to bring in his SS card as he was awarded a tech school scholarship and he needed his SS# to finish the paper work. The deadline was the next day. SS17 had known about this for 2-weeks and said nothing to us or BM. This scholarship is for over 2 thousand dollars a year renewable for up to 3-years should SS17 decide to go to tech school. DH was seeing red.

BM of course comes to SS17's defense saying the SS17 has a plan and that he wants to go to the uber-expensive college because the financial aid package he was offered is free money. :? Yet she hasn't filled out the FAFSA form yet and SS17 hasn't finished his eagle scout project yet. Part of the package from uber-expensive school included a discount to eagle scouts. I mean SS17 has only been working on the eagle scout project for 2 years and his 18th birthday is next month, the deadline for completing the project, but I digress.

So Wednesday night DH asks SS17 what his college plan is.

SS17 gives DH a blank stare and then rattles off the financial aid/free money line sounding just like BM. Then DH asks him what his backup plan is. SS17 asks what he means.

DH then says that FAFSA is first come first serve and that BM has not done his yet, so the financial package isn't written in stone. SS17 then brings up the eagle scout award and DH reminded SS17 that the eagle scout project isn't completed - he shouldn't count that money.

SS17 then brings up the college money DH ands I have saved for him. DH gives him a long stare and then says I wouldn't count on that money because I don't have to give it to you. I can use it myself for my own education or BettyRay and I can use it to take a class if we want. SS17 was shocked.

DH then said that with the tech scholarship SS17 to go to school virtually debt free the first 2 years of college, work as a welder, save his money, and then transfer to uber-expensive school for the remaining 2 years and come out ahead financially.

SS17 responded but then I won't get all the free money. :jawdrop: Dh just shook his head and walked away.

I think DH has reached his limit with these boys. I've never seen him like this.

Thanks for reading I know post this is really long.



furkidsforme's picture

WOW. Good for your DH. I guess it is a little sad for the boys that the hammer is coming down all at once, but late is better than never.

And SS17 is stupid. I'd like to think it is just him, but my SS17 is actually probably even a little more disconnected from reality.

He seriously went to a job interview in a tie dye t shirt???? He is either THAT stupid, or he is so fucking arrogant he thinks everyone would just *die* to hire someone as good as him! These kids, I swear.

BettyRay's picture

Yes he's that stupidly arrogant. SS17 is also very reserved which can come off as disinterest. I'm sure that's part of it.


Jsmom's picture

The Eagle project just irritates the hell out of me. I have sat on countless Eagle Boards of the boys the day before 18th birthday. I just want to choke them. If they knew the hoops all the adults have to do at council and national to get it done. You actually get three months after 18, but that is only if the paperwork has been submitted before that. My own son pushed it off for a few months and drove me nuts. I had a car for him in the driveway and would not activate the insurance until he submitted the paperwork to the council and sat for his boards. It did motivate him, but not fast enough for me. I live in the town that is the number 2 for Eagle Scouts and many of the parents here do not let them get a car or drive until they finish. It works....

another step's picture

Just wanted to second how important an Eagle Scout achievement can be. My late husband was an Eagle and it was amazing how many doors were opened to him just based on that fact alone.

BettyRay's picture

His blatant lack of motivation to finish this project is super annoying. So many people have given their time, talent and money to help SS17 with his project it's sickening. And SS17 is oblivious to this. DH has threatened SS17 but nothing motivates him.

And SS17 wants me to be a reference for him. I would like to tell him no but I'd also like the project finished.