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Braces Blow-Up

BettyRay's picture

So DH went off on ME last night.

It started out innocent enough - SS12 called and asked DH to look for his karate belt. DH asked me to help.

So we're looking around SS12's room. I found an overdue library book from SS12's middle school.

I also found all SS12's stuff from the orthodontist - special toothbrushes, floss and toothpaste - sparkly new, never opened, still in the boxes and in the bag from the orthodontist. I showed it to DH and asked him if he knew SS12 had all this stuff and didn't use it.

DH blew up. Started yelling at me that he didn't know the answer to those questions and that I should just shut-up. I said fine and left the room. DH followed me and yelled that SS12 and BM were both lying sacks of blah blah blah and that he wasn't paying for cosmetic tooth repair after the braces come off.

I realize DH is pissed at SS12 for lying and at himself for trusting the kid and taking SS12 at his word. But really DH? Screaming at me is easier than parenting your 12 year old. So tired of this displaced anger.

SS12 just got the braces on Friday, DH asked him all weekend if he brushed and flossed his teeth. SS12 said yes every time. Swore to DH that he's taking care of his teeth. Well obviously SS12 was lying. But DH should have been more proactive and monitored SS12's brushing - knowing that SS12 HATES brushing his teeth.

This is one kid who should have waited to get braces. But BM has been pushing for braces for like 2 years. It's pretty bad when the orthodontist sends the pictures of the kids teeth and you can see food and punch stains all over the teeth, but I digress.

Last night something in me has snapped. I give up trying to help. I'm not going to ask questions related to the skids anymore. It is what it is. I'm tired of taking the verbal abuse from DH because he's pissed at the Skids and ultimately himself.

DH was still seething this morning. I may have to work late tonight.

~BettyRay

Comments

Cadence's picture

"I'm tired of taking the verbal abuse from DH because he's pissed at the Skids and ultimately himself."

I would unemotionally tell him just that tonight. Tell him to find the balls to be frustrated with the people who actually deserve it.

This isn't your kid and you were in his room trying to help his Dad with something, and then you were berated for asking a simple question.

I would disengage from helping with SS, and I would not assist DH with anything when it comes to SS. Next time DH asks you a question or wants your advice about SS, just give him a blank stare in return. When he asks why, tell him that you are being held to unknowable standards, where you have to censor yourself about what you can and can't say regarding SS's life, and so you've just decided to stay out of it entirely.

If he doesn't want the "aggravation" of you helping and asking questions, then he forfeits all the good stuff too!

thinkthrice's picture

Two oldest skids were slapped in cosmetic, middle-class-status braces the INSTANT they turned eight years old! And they never brushed or took care of their teeth either. Chef Boyardumb would take their word for it.

I remember the constant leaving extra curricular gear at our house and frantic calls from the BM to look for it. I remember being late for work one day delivering SD's school book bag (not like she did any of it anyway; neither the BM nor daddykins care about school other than it being a socializing event).

Oh yes, and the overdue materials notices! STILL get those EVERY.END.OF.SCHOOL.YEAR. "Dear Parent/Guardian: skid has not returned several overdue materials and won't get (lousy) report card until they do."

I disengaged and stopped "helping" him do this or that. The more I "helped" the more it was EXPECTED so that Chef Boyardumb could slack off completely, then turn around and blame me should something go wrong.

BettyRay's picture

Maturity is key. It's a commitment.

I had braces for 6-years, from 7th through 12th grade. I know what a PITA they are and how much work it is to keep them clean.

~BettyRay

BettyRay's picture

Knowing SS12 the way I do - DH should have been in the bathroom with him making sure it got done. I swear DH thinks the skids will just magically become responsible, not.gonna.happen.

~BettyRay

BettyRay's picture

And the thing is I wasn't trying to make a point or pull an I-told-you-so, I was just asking, politely, out of concern for SS12.

~BettyRay

BettyRay's picture

Your right. Recently when DH gets pissed because I'm asking about the skids I tell him, "DH am asking out of concern for the skids, this is not coming from a place of angry or meanness. I'm asking because I care and want what's best for them."

This usually shuts DH up. But last night DH went from 0 to ballistic and it totally shocked me.

~BettyRay

kathc's picture

We went through this with skid. I'd go check if the toothbrush was wet then say, "Hey, go brush your teeth" and he'd try to say he had and I'd just say, "Oh, really? Go brush your teeth". He never figured out how I KNEW he hadn't done it yet.

BettyRay's picture

Been there, done that, got the t-shirt Smile

I stopped doing that because no one was happy. DH felt I was nagging, and SSons felt I was being mean. And I was pissed because no one was listening.

After I stopped, about 2 maybe 3 years ago, SS12 started getting cavities, I think he's got like 6 or 7 now.

~BettyRay