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Short Update

bearcub25's picture

Thanks for all of you comments on my other blog.  I realize some newer members think I'm young, new at this, and dependant on DSO financially. This is why I never got married.

My Momma taught me to not lean on a man.   That is a driving factor for DSO.  I DO NOT NEED HIM.   I can survive without him and there are men that would jump in his spot with a lot less baggage.

DSO dumped the Asshole at SDs little tiny apartment as his brother didn't want to deal with the mess.  I'm thinking it won't last 48 hours as SD has rules and SS doesn't like rules.

SD lives outside of town.  She has a roommate but the place is very tiny and she only has a futon as a couch.  Again, SS has no way to look for a job or to get back and forth if he would get one.

DSO got home about 8pm last nite.  Started crying again bc Asshole looks terrible and wasn't eating bc he was couch surfing...I'm still betting the kid is doing meth but unless it comes out in a drug test at the jail, I'm just making assumptions.

I was blissfully playing with my GDD6.5 and I didn't even miss or care he was spending hours running to bring the baby boy back to town and dump HIS responsibility off to someone else so he doesn't have to suffer.

We have a lot of plans this weekend.  I can bet DSO will have to run his baby boy here and there and take him things or even move him somewhere else.  I'll go and enjoy myself since some of it is my family stuff but he loves my family so he won't be happy to miss it.

My head and heart are not on the same page right now.  We do have a 15 year relationship with all the crap that comes with it but IDK if my heart is ready to go thru the stress of that Asshole again.  


Iamwoman's picture

I'm not sure why you have no comments here...

maybe because you are strong enough to live a life where you are capable of independence at a given moment and could easily line up another suitor if you were so inclined?

Well, this is advice I often give out, so kudos to you OP! Men should know that they can lose us at anytime. It really is healthy and creates the dynamic where the man needs to regularly chase and woo his wife (which casing and wooing is in male DNA anyway, so perfect!).

Unfortunately, so many women get themselves into a position where they rely completely on their spouse. Even a SAHM can have a large reserve set aside. My mom was a SAHM, and she kept a hefty reserve bank account as an escape plan, even though she and my dad are an amazing couple, until her youngest turned 25... then she dissolved the account.

As women, we should never wind up just being a "wo" on a man.

OP, you stay when you are happy and leave when you are not.

That doesn't necessarily mean divorce, but even just staying at a hotel for a night or weekend can send a strong clear message to a spouse that is they don't change what they are doing, the end is nigh.

bearcub25's picture

Thanks.  I got crazy busy at work and forgot to check.

I feel I need to tell the younger women that they do not have to put up with being treated as inferior by a man.  It breaks my heart to hear some of these stories and these women who were married so the man had a nanny and a woman to warm their bed and that is about all.  

I admit, my first husband could be verbally abusive and had addiction issues for a few years, but I was never controled by money or fear.

It is still very stressful on the mind when you had witnessed this behavior for 15 years.  Takes you back to those years when they were kids and you were in a 'stuck' place and you are in fight or flight mode.

Iamwoman's picture

Yes drama is super stressful.

Thats why we disengage.

If you were referring to PTSD activation from reading about some of the horrible husbands many of these women are willing to accept and tolerate, then I agree there too. That's why sometimes I stay off STalk for a few days. It's not easy reading about women who willingly submit themselves for abuse.