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"Ten is the New TWO!!" Spin off on "DHs drive us to DISENGAGE" Post

Auteur's picture

http://www.opposingviews.com/i/health/parenting/amtrak-raises-age-kids-c...

This article NAILS it!!!

Modern day parents are practically BUBBLE WRAPPING their children, yet, at the same time, giving them "adult spousal status" and lots of privileges that SHOULD be earned without the accompanying responsibilities!!!

Comments

JMC's picture

That pretty much describes SD20 to a tee. However, it's amazing how quickly she spouts the ever-so-annoying phrase "but I'm just a kid!" when she gets in messes way over her peabrain head and expects DH & I to bail her out. UGH!!!

hismineandours's picture

I agree with you. I dont understand how we have swung in this direction as a country-but I do not coddle my children nor make excuses for them. I am proud of my independent youngsters who can do such things as operate the washing machine, pack their own lunches, and pick out their own clothes for the day.

My dd14 was telling me about a classmate the other day-whose mother still picks out her clothes, does her hair, etc. Why would anyone WANT to do this for their 14 year old? The goal of parenting is to raise independent, contributing members of society. You cant coddle them for 18 years and then somehow expect them to become independent. It is a skill like anything else that needs to be taught.

Auteur's picture

In GG's case, the more he did for his children the more he thought he was a "good father" (TM)

When I told him that VD (SD at the time 8 years old) was perfectly capable of cutting her own pancakes, he looked like a deer caught in headlights!!! He would jump up and lean over to cut them the second he put the plate down. She's just sit there staring as if to say "cut them up and feed them to me on a golden fork, slave!"

I taught her how to cut her own food making "tic tac toe" moves and GG was absolutely shocked! But to this day, GG still thinks (and so does the Behemoth) that the more they coddle those children the better parents they are!! :sick:

smileygirl's picture

LOL, I have sited studies to DH on serval ocassions that say just what you did Auteur. Parents tend to prefer the child(ren) that need them the most because despite what we should be trying to do as parents or sometimes even what we think "we" are doing...it is more fulfilling to have this person completly dependent upon you, just like when they were actually 2.

However, my DH is still blind to it. Like alot of these guys, he just says that SS10 is a bit developementally stunted b/c of the traumatic divorce (that occured when he was 2)...so of course he doesn't prefer the pampered little psycho, he just needs him to do more for him than our actual toddler does.

Jsmom's picture

Okay read the article and have decided he is an idiot. Children should not travel alone until at least 13...Holy cow, the things that can happen. Airlines force you to pay for someone to stay with your kid when they fly alone under 15. BTDT and have the t-shirt. My BS had a flight delay and had to wait in the unaccompanied minor room for hours due to a storm delay. 1st time I tried this. Haven't done it since and he flies free.

He believes we are coddling our children. Hell we are not coddling them enough with cell phones, facebook and the internet as far as I am concerned. Now he is mad because Amtrak doesn't want the liability of a minor traveling alone and something happening to them. OMG!!!

Auteur's picture

There have never been any incidents on Amtrack ever. Yes there's a first time for everything but when will it end? Slipperly slope. We now can insure "children" up to age 26!! Sorry but 26 is not a child.

Train travel is a bit different on Amtrack than flight travel b/c odds are you'll have a layover with flight so I can see stricter rules on that one. My son flew to Georgia and back several times to see his paternal grandmother and he was no older than 12. I had to work and he had his school holiday.

Doubletakex3's picture

I agree with the overall message that children are too coddled and not being raised to be independent. However, I travel Amtrak a lot in the U.S. and it's confusing with hard to read schedules and no margin for error as the trains board in less than 10 minutes usually and the track numbers are only posted within minutes of the train's arrival. Generally, my experience has been that train travel in other countries is much easier with less opportunity for error. I'd be very concerned if I saw an 8-10 year old on a train in the US alone.

And, I travel via airlines a lot too and have witnesse at least two incidents of minors (age 15 and traveling alone) boarding the wrong plane and going to the wrong destination! One teen boy ended up in Denver instead of South Carolina! I personally helped him get it sorted out and waited for him to get on the flight to SC. His mother was worried sick and he was beside himself. The airlines, of course, should not have allowed him on the wrong plane. But, I once boarded a plane to SF and thought I was going to San Jose (Doh!) so it can and does happen.

As I said, I agree with the overall message but dont' agree that Amtrak is child safe or appropriate.

cant win for losin's picture

I agree with an earlier comment about these parents needing these children to depend on them.
This fits dh family exactly. Nothing gives them a bigger high then being the ones you have to depend on

oneoffour's picture

My kids have travelled internationally alone by plane since they were 13. They would fly 3.5 hrs alone to visit their father. When my daughter was 16 she flew from USA to Australia and on to NZ and then back here alone. She visited with her father and then family in NZ.

It depends how practical the child is and how much exterience they have. Now throwing a 13 yr old on a plane who has never flown before is stupid. But expecting a 13 yr old who has flown 6-7 times before with more and more responsibility (I started with allowing them to go to the restroom alone, then going to the food hall to buy food then handing over theor passports to get their own boarding pass)to not be allowed to fly alone is stupid.

I refuse to molly-coddle my kids and in turn my skids. I expect them to be sensible per se. Don't whine to me that you are cold when you sit there in a t shirt and shorts. Don't tell me you are too sick for school but well enough to go out and play basketball with your friends. Don't tell me you have a homework project due Monday and Hobby Lobby is closed on Sunday for supplies when you have known about it for 2 weeks and played video games all weekend.

But then schools allow this behaviour. Hand in your work late and you get the same grade as the kids who handed it in early. My kids would get a credit for turning up to class and another credit for not taking a bathroom break. This was High School!

Auteur's picture

I think it's a self fulfilling prophecy. The more coddled and enabled a child is, the more likely he/she is WILLING to act far younger. They seek out attention by being the "baby" and that spills over in to everything else. Catch 22. Parents are coddling and babying, therefore they have mentally immature children unable to fend for themselves, thus laws start changing to "protect" children.

Auteur's picture

I think it's a self fulfilling prophecy. The more coddled and enabled a child is, the more likely he/she is WILLING to act far younger. They seek out attention by being the "baby" and that spills over in to everything else. Catch 22. Parents are coddling and babying, therefore they have mentally immature children unable to fend for themselves, thus laws start changing to "protect" children.

Disneyfan's picture

My son started flying alone from NYC to NC (direct flights only) to visit his dad when he was 10 years old. He started riding the NYC subways and buses alone that year as well.

There's no way in hell, I would have put him on Amtrak from here to Raleigh alone.