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Does this Skid. . .errr I mean KID Story Sound Familiar?

Auteur's picture

http://www.imperfectparent.com/topics/2012/03/14/truant-student-tasered-...

Nice. 200 lb 9 year old who refuses to go to school and just wants to stay at home in front of the screen. Sounds like Mommykins has been free ranging him for a looooooonnnnnnng time!

Comments

purpledaisies's picture

He is 9 how in the world did it come to that anyway?? OH yeah mom NOT being a MOM!! She expects everyone else to control and make her kid mind and see what that got her!??

At 9 that kid should NOT have had any choice but to go to school period! then shouldn't ave that problem. She was the one that let him think it was ok to NOT go to school he is 9 not a rebellious teen.... :sick:

beyond pissed-off's picture

My kind of guy! The article says that he has resigned. I wonder if he would consider relocating and working as my muscle? Smile }:)

Damn - a 200 pound 9 year old? That is a LOT of Happy Meals!

caregiver1127's picture

Well no father was mentioned and usually it is the mother who feeds the children but hey whatever Kayro then the Dad should be put in jail as well - does this make you feel better?????

purpledaisies's picture

you know though from my way of thinking is to me it doesn't matter if the dad will do anything or not or what ever the case my be. I am my kids mom and if no one else will do anything it still has to be done and I WILL do it. What ever happened to that way of thinking???

Someone HAS to raise these kids to be great adults and if the dad can't or won;t it is up to the mom! If the mom won't do it then it up t the dad but if mom has custody and the mom doesn;t involve or refuses to involve the dad then he can't fix what he doesn;t know. He may know now but before this he may not have. you can't blame the dad if mom has custody b/c the kid is with her during the week that he is to be in school!

the truth of the matter from this article we know NOTHING about the dad but what we do know is the mom was there and since she was there then she should have done something to ensure her kid was in school and being a good boy instead of calling the police on a 9 year old!1 that screams to me that the mom did NOT parent!

aggravated1's picture

Or, instead of being so negative as per usual-
the father could be DEAD??????

3littlemonkeys's picture

He could be a million things.

There.
Not there.

Alive.
Not alive.

Desperately wanting to parent.
Can't run away fast enough.

There are many options.

aggravated1's picture

Exactly, which is why it is stupid to even discuss the dad in the first place. He wasn't even mentioned.

Honestly, a fat kid got tasered.

3littlemonkeys's picture

It's not stupid to mention the father... last I checked, there are TWO parents.

Unless, of course, this kid is the product of a sperm bank, which is also possible.

aggravated1's picture

As someone else has said-the father is in the hospital and gravely ill. So who knows how much parenting he has done?? He wasn't even MENTIONED in the article.
People were jumping to the deadbeat dad assumption, and they were wrong.

Honestly, you would think more people would be upset a 9 year old was tasered, but nooooo.......let's make it all dad's fault.

This is one of those blogs that derailed.

skylarksms's picture

If the mom has primary physical custody, then it is primarily the mother's fault.

aggravated1's picture

No, you and I both think he should get out of bed and take them LOL-did he ever STOP that mess?

skylarksms's picture

How is that a copout? I never said that dad should or shouldn't do ANYTHING. In fact, I have yet to type out ANY sort of list expressing the expectations for both the mother and the father to children.

Please take the glasses off that make you see all situations through your OWN experience. Because not all experiences are that way.

In my case, DH was actually the BETTER parent of the two. Unfortuately, BM still got primary custody. BM had the nerve to call my DH (breaking the No Contact order in the CO) to SCREAM at him because SD (barely 16) got PREGNANT. How in the hell is that HIS fault?? We made DAMN good and sure that she would NOT be able to sneak out of OUR place and any other times we were WITH her. There was absolutely NO chance she got knocked up on OUR watch.

So yeah, in OUR case, anyway, anything good that the skids did was because of MOM and anything bad the skids did was because of their FATHER. What a crock of SHIT.

starfish's picture

geez kayro, settle down, i honestly don't think this post or cg's comment was a personal attack against you.

aggravated1's picture

if the article mentioned the dad, I could see your point. But nowhere does it say a dad is even in the picture, so I don't know why this upsets you so badly.

For all we know, this was a virgin birth or she was a 'ho who was on Springer and doesn't know who the baby daddy is.

purpledaisies's picture

The article didn't mention a dad and I know that with me my kids was NOT around he was in jail so it was all up to me. So sorry i didn't say anything about him but still if she has custody then she NEEDS to make sure he goes to school and if there is a problem she should be the one to make sure it is resolved! If the dad is there then she should INVOLVE dad what he doesn't know he can't fix or help with. I know that is the case with my dh b/c yuck would NEVER involve dh and he would ask be but she refused!

It not so cut and dry like that\.

paul_in_utah's picture

Zing!

purpledaisies's picture

You have a problem with reality! B/c reality tell me that since i was the only one that was there for my kids since their dad was in jail or with his gf he left me for in other state that I was the one that HAD to make sure my kids were parented! THAT was MY reality! What do you think I should have done?? Only parented half way and say well the rest if for dad to do even though he wasn't there?? I had my kids 24/7 period!

And you know since i did have custody and I would have had the during the week while they were to be in school then yes is MY responsibility to make sure they got to school! Since dad doesn't live with me how in the WORLD can he make sure they get to school??? That makes NO sense to me.

Reality is that dad doesn't live with me to make sure they do go to school so that has to be me to make sure they are there. If there is a problem with bulling or whatever then It is still my responsibility to resolve that issue weather I involve their dad if he were around and the school but if the dad or/ and school doesn't know there is a problem HOW can it be resolved??

The Reality is that the kids will go to mom before anyone since the kid lives with mom and it is HER responsibility to resolve the problem since the kid came to her...

that is REALITY Keyro!

Disneyfan's picture

THIS

SD 7 is 130 pounds and wears a size 16.

Some adults are awful. DF almost got into a fight with a man that was making fun of SD7.

I blame both BM and DF for her weight.

Disneyfan's picture

I don't feed her crap.

When they are here, I make sure we only have skim milk in the house. If I cook (imost weekends I don't cook), I bake meats instead of frying them. I don't season breans and veggies with pork fat. I use smoked turkey instead.

I try to limit the amount of snacks that are in the house when they are here.

When I renewed my Y membership, I included the girls. I made DF buy them bikes for Christmas.

DF has not been a MIA dad. He was in the home with them when the bad eating habits started. He went along with allowing her to eat what she wanted. He went along with putting soda and kool aid in her bottles. He let his 4 year old eat 2 cheese burgers at macdonalds. Then got angry with me when I told him that was crazy.

So yeah, I blame both of her parents.

beyond pissed-off's picture

Giving him a large order of fries and getting angry at people who make fun of him?

bi's picture

damn. i don't even know what to say. maybe that kid needs to be sent to WellSpring Academy. i absolutely HATE that bs4 has been in a food jag for so long. pb sandwiches and chicken nuggest (i know how much you hate the nugget scarfing, aut. i remember you saying that PH inhales them). it drives me freaking nuts. it's gotten to where i just won't buy certain things anymore. he's at a normal weight and height, but i still don't like it. bd ate just fine at that age. the only things she wouldn't eat were hard shelled tacos and corn, and she still won't eat that to this day.

i really hope bs outgrows this crap. i will NOT let it get out of hand, i just wish i knew how to get him to try other foods. he will throw a fit at the mere mention of trying something, and some of this is stuff i know he would like. so frustrating.

bi's picture

i've stopped buying the things he insists on having non stop. i can usually get him to eat yogurt, an apple, or cereal if he doesn't have access to what he wants. he has communication delays so it's so hard to get him to understand why he can't have that stuff all the time. it's so frustrating. i just want him to give things a try. i have seriously thought about going the route of 'eat what i'm offering or go without', i'm just worried that it will make the situation worse and mealtime will become more of a battle than it already is.

forestfairy's picture

It will make it worse, for about a week. After he knows he can't argue his way into getting what he wants, and his ONLY option is what you are eating, he'll stop making a big deal out of it. It always takes a few days of hell to break any situation (meals, bedtimes, etc), but once you stick with it and absolutely never give in, they'll stop trying.

I never once growing up asked for a different meal? You know why? My mom would have laughed me right out of the house. If a kid knows it's not even a possiblity, they won't ask.

starfish's picture

i only asked for something different than what was served to eat when i was growing up if i really wanted my ass beat!

forestfairy's picture

hahahaha! Yeah, it would have never even crossed my mind! You eat what's served and if you don't like, well tough shit. We didn't even have the option of not eating something and starving in my house. Even if it was something we thought we HATED, we had to take 3 bites. I guess we probably could have chosen to be grounded for a week or two instead, but being grounded in my house meant no friends, no going outside, no telephone. It sucked much worse than a couple bites of something gross. Just shovel that food in and swallow it with a gulp of water like a pill. LOL!

starfish's picture

is it me or do some people on this board seem to live with their panties in a wad just waiting to pick a fight with someone b/c their views are different??

ybarra357's picture

^^Afreakinmen Starfish

Yeah, I know of at least one of wadded panty types LOL They can't handle a difference of opinion. Oh well, too damn bad, eh??

ybarra357's picture

How do you know I'm referring to you? I think you're giving yourself too much credit here. There are PLENTY of other users on this site.

aggravated1's picture

Kayro,

I think you are a little further back in the line than you think you are.

So you hate it when people make fun of kids.....ok. And there are plenty of people also not holding their breaths that you think less of them.

Honestly, you are not even a SM, so I don't give much credence to what you say anyway. I prefer to take my advice from someone who has been there, done that, or is currently living it. Only people who have dealt with it know what it is truly like.

purpledaisies's picture

Yes the kid has a father too but the reality of the situation is that he can't due to illness be there for his kid. So the kid still has to be 100% parented and she is NOT doing that job very well or she wouldn't have had to call the police!

3littlemonkeys's picture

I'd imagine a kid that size gets picked on quite a bit and probably hates going to school.
Of course, getting all depressed and shit, the kid eats more crap and gains more weight.
Since there's no mention of a father, chances are the mom is doing this alone.

A kid with no father + emotional issues + eating disorder = nightmare. I'm sure mom could have been stricter (but props for calling the cop on him!) and it couldn't hurt to have a father around.

Too many assumptions to make based on what little info the story presents.

beyond pissed-off's picture

Eating disorder? Please. The child is NINE. Someone has been buying him crap and lots of it. There is no way he got to that weight bumming junk food from friends or buying it with allowance money. Stop bringing it into the house and "eating disorder" disappears.

3littlemonkeys's picture

A 200 lb 9 yr old clearly has one of two issues:

Compulsive eating disorder, OR

a medical (perhaps, thyrodial) issue that increases weight gain.

I do not believe the mother is entirely complacent in the situation. I think that ASSuming she is completely complacent is weak. Especially since she called the cop on him, so she can't be *that* lazy of a parent.

beyond pissed-off's picture

No - you are wrong. A 200 pound nine year old is being fed junk. He may ALSO have a medical condition and I truly hope that he has been tested for type 2 diabetes because at that weight he has probably acquired it. However, you can not tell me with a straight face that he gained that weight on lean meat, complex carbs and vegetables. Don't even try.

3littlemonkeys's picture

Unless the child is being force fed the crap, he is a compulsive eater.

Just because it's available does NOT mean he has to eat. That's a choice he makes.

I never said he wasn't being fed junk. I clearly stated that I believe the mother has some complacency in this issue.

I am NOT saying that eating healthy, lean foods and veggies caused him to gain that weight. :?

Look, I can put a 20 lb sack of candy on my family room table. I currently have 3 kids living FT in my house. I know that two of them would get a piece or two once in awhile, but the other... well, he has a serious sweet touch and would eat it until he got sick.

Hence, the compulsivity aspect of my statement.

purpledaisies's picture

The thing is you can't count on a kid to do the right thing and NOT eat the crap that is available which is why we have the law that you are NOT an adult til you are 18! that is why the parents shouldn't bring it in the home if little johnny can't control himself. Just b/c he CAN just not eat it doesn't mean he won't b/c he is still a KID and needs to be taught and gasp PARENTED!

3littlemonkeys's picture

Of course he should be parented.

Eating crap until he weighs 200 pounds is compulsive. Immature? Sure. Compulsive? Definitely.

I'm under no disillusion that kids become "mature adults" at 18. I think that's the biggest joke around.

purpledaisies's picture

I didn't mean it like that sorry. I am just so irritated with Kayro that I may have not been ion the best of minds.

She seems to think that even if the dad is MIA or can't or won't be a dad that the moms should still make him accountable some how?? Now don;t get me wrong i don't think that gives him a pass b/c it doesn't it just means that mom has to step up and take his slack. that is the reality in life. We can't just parent half of what a kids need b/c the other half is the dads responsibility.

the fact is that kids grow up and if dad is not there who does the parenting fall on?? the mom! Even if the dad is there he still has to be told that there is a prob. b/c MORE times then not the kid lives with their mom and the moms sees and knows more than the dad that is a fact so it is STILL up to the mom to get the kid the resources he needs weather that be dad, the school, or a Councillor or whatever it might be.

purpledaisies's picture

In MY OPINION I think the fact that she DID call the police screams that she is A LAZY parent! If she had been any kind of parent in the 9 years this kids was grow up she wouldn't have had to cal,l them!

asheeha's picture

I know...the police here would laugh at me if I called them about something like that!

3littlemonkeys's picture

I agree.

I don't think I'll EVER need to call the police to have them *make* my kid do something.

skylarksms's picture

My son is 21 and somehow I happened to get through his ENTIRE CHILDHOOD without having to call the cops on him (or ANYONE in the household, for that matter) even ONCE!

I guess I just got lucky....especially since his father IS one of those deadbeat dads that took off when DS was 6 months old to attempt to avoid CS (he succeeded, but only until DS was 10).

purpledaisies's picture

Sorry ladies I guess I just can't wrap my brain around someone who seems to think that dad should always be the one to do everything! I didn't mean to get all uptight. I was just trying to say that sometimes reality is NOT what we think it is...

Anon2009's picture

I feel for this kid. It sounds like his BM is a crappy person and parent. To let an 8-year-old get to two hundred pounds is abuse and she should lose custody. She should also be ordered to take parenting classes and get counseling. I feel badly that the kid was tasered, and don't think that'll help him in the long run either, but it is "mom's" fault. If she had parented this kid right from the get-go it wouldn't have had to come to this. I think the kid should get counseling too.

The article didn't mention the bio-dad, but if he's been trying to be involved, and has been fought at every turn by BM, I'd love to read what he has to say about this.

purpledaisies's picture

I totally agree anon with you, the mom should NOT be buying the crap that he eats to get him that big! She is still responsible period weather the dad is there or not he LIVES with her! Sure she could call the dad and involve him and he does bare some responsibly as well but if he doesn;t know there is a problem what can he do?? just like if there is a problem at school how can the school do anything if they don;t know so again igt falls on the MOM to do something! That is my point!

Anon2009's picture

Thank you Smile There's also the possibility that his biological father doesn't even know about him.

3littlemonkeys's picture

I've had the joyous experience of having TWO fathers decided that actually being a parent was way too much for them.

aggravated1's picture

Well, some of us ARE the women that chose these men. if it happens, especially multiple times, I would be looking to see what was wrong with me that I have such a poor judge of character.

3littlemonkeys's picture

Believe me, I've wondered.

BUT, I also realized that I am not responsible for other's behaviors.

First one was when i was 18. I think many of us have made foolish mistakes.
Second one, well, he was previously divorced and ALWAYS paid CS in full (and them some) and saw his child for all visitation.

When we split, (I left him) he decided he just didnt' want to be a parent anymore.

There are also several posters on here who have chosen deadbeat fathers. And they defend that choice. I am not one of them.

aggravated1's picture

Oh, I don't think I am responsible for his behavior, don't get me wrong. But I would be lying if I said that I didn't see the warning signs before we even had kids, so I take most of the responsibility for being given the alarm and not heeding it.

So when he was done being a parent, I worked my ass off, got a job so I could support my kids, and never said a bad word about him. We just went on with our lives, and I knew what to look for the next time.

3littlemonkeys's picture

I suppose that's a difference between us. Even now, years after my divorce, there isn't a single red flag that he would be a deadbeat father. Not one.

I have simply gone on with my life, too, though. I work hard and provide everything for my kids, financially and otherwise. And I'm pretty damn proud of how they're turning out. Wink

Unfreakingreal's picture

I too have TWO deadbeat dads under my belt. I was 15 when I had my first kid, 18 when I had the second from the same asshole and then at age 27 had a 3rd from a different asshole. BOTH assholes pay no CS and the 2nd asshole is a TEENY bit more present than the first. By teeny I mean he at least calls my son once a week, but that's the extent of his daddyhood. Oh, except for the occasional bday present & Xmas gift he sends.

The first is referred to as the donor by my 26 & 23 y/o sons. I made mistakes. Real shitty ones when it came to picking dads. But that doesn't mean that just because those 2 pricks decided to jump ship in the daddy department it gives me an OUT if my kids turn out to be screw ups. I am THE MOM like so many asshole BMs like to state and since I AM THE MOM, it is MY JOB to make sure my kids are PARENTED.

DAD or NO DAD.

Anon2009's picture

Hi Kayro,

I know there are lots of dads who do ditch their kids. I totally agree that fathers should not get a free pass. I actually know people who've done that, and I've had to part ways with them because of it.

I don't know the situation between mom and dad here. However, this kid didn't get to be 200 lbs overweight on his own. I don't assume that the dad has tried to be involved. I just think that if he has, it would be interesting to get his take on this.

We will have to agree to disagree on this one.

purpledaisies's picture

kayro that is NOT what I said! My point is and always will be that while the dad should be jsut as responsible the reality is that IF he can't or won't that still doesn;t mean that the mom can jsut do half and be done! the reality is that she HAS to do all of it and the best parent she can be for her kid!

Just like me my kids dad was either in another state or in jail what was i supposed to do?? I HAD to be mom and dad and make sure my kids grew up to be great adults weather dad was there or not, No sense on dwelling on the fact that he wasn't and the sooner the mom realizes that the better.

I am by NO means excuses the dad but what I am saying is the REALITY of the situation is something that we don;t know weather the dad is there or not but if this mom has custody then in MY opinion she IS responsible for making sure her kids is in school and if she needs to involve the dad then she needs to or if he is not there then that is out. Then if there is a problem at school she needs to go to the school! So again it DOES fall on mom to take the steps to make sure her kid has the resources he needs weather that be dad or the school or a councilor!

the reality is that since he lives with his mom then it is HER responsibility since she is the one he will go to if there is a problem! Again weather that be involve dad or the school or a councilor...That is all i was trying to say.

Unfreakingreal's picture

Yesterday a friend of mine posted on FB how expensive it was to eat healthy. In making assumptions about this story, since we don't have all the facts, I would assume that the child is in a single mother household. She may be struggling, which would mean making do with the not so healthy options of frozen foods, juices & sodas with loads of sugar etc.... The child apparently likes tv, which may mean he is not athletic therefore sits and grows in all directions due to the poor eating habits & the lack of movement. Sure, he probably gets bullied which would be a reason why the child refuses to go to school.
Making the dad responsible means nothing if the dad is MIA. If someone is supposed to be responsible for someone and they choose to disappear and not partake in a childs life, it just means MOM has to pick up the slack and do HER job to the best of her ability. What are we supposed to do? Send out a search party to find the asshole & then drag him by his ears and say "YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS CHILD SO HERE!!!!" Lol....Yeah...OK...

aggravated1's picture

Airing dirty laundry here....my nephew is a fat kid. Extremely obese, and has been most of his life.

No medical conditions. No Eating disorders. But my sister and her husband consider a well rounded meal a bucket of chicken and 14 tacos from Taco Bell. he doesn't eat right, he has never eaten right, and he probably never will.

if you go to their house, there are buckets of candy, licorice, goldfish crackers laying around. They ALL eat that way. Sometimes kids are just fat because their parents serve them junk, they like the junk, and then they never want anything but the junk.

Elizabeth's picture

I second that aggravated. If a kid is taught to eat a certain way from infancy, no way they are going to make the educated choice at age 7 or 8 to go against that, especially if that's the only food in the house.

When DH and I were dating, I found out he and SD had eating contests with tacos. Tacos consisted only of a hard shell, meat and a LOT of cheese. Stuffed full, of course. At age 6, SD could out-eat DH in eating tacos. I'm talking seven or eight in one sitting. My BD8 eats two tacos for dinner and BD5 eats one. But SD6 was eating seven or eight.

Who's to blame for her weight condition? DH and BM, the people feeding her the crap. BM actually maintained banana bread was a healthy breakfast for a kid.

Unfreakingreal's picture

My SS19 and BS14 LOVE candy. You find it stashed in their drawers and in their pockets. However, I prepare our dinner everyday. I bake everything, never fry, we eat whole wheat bread & pasta, 1% milk, I buy tons of fruit. I leave bowls of clementines, bananas & apples on the kitchen counter, they eat them all. I buy Sugar Free juices, TONS of cases of water, and very limited soda. They love soda and can wolf down a 2 liter Coke in a matter of seconds so I rarely buy it. I also fill the cookie jar bi-weekly and buy them dunkin donuts on the weekend because they love them. But, my SS19 is 6' 7" tall and my 14 y/o is 6' 2" tall. My 14 year old is in sports and incredibly active, so I don't mind when they eat 5 chocolate chip cookies with a huge glass of milk because they burn it off with sports. I on the other hand need to lose 25lbs!!! After 40 it's all downhill!!!!!

12yrstepmonster's picture

Have read 90% of the posts. But this is what I see:
A mom has a kid that SHE can't make to mind

She calls the cops- And he won't mind the cop. Was the officer supposed to just walk away. No. He was doing his job.

If the 9 yr old was normal size the cop would have hauled his butt off in no shoes. Because he would have been able to jerk him off the couch.

The mother called in reinforcement. She got it and is now upset.

Lady don't cry wolf...... The wolf might just show up. And crappy parenting got you in this mess and it sounds like she's coming to his rescue with a lawsuit? Or hopefully the TOWN is suing her!

caregiver1127's picture

Holy Shit - I come back a few hours later with gorgeous hair and this blog has exploded - WOW!!! Everyone have a great day!!