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Question For All You CP StepDADs

Auteur's picture

I've noticed a steady stream of what appears to be disgruntled CP StepDADS on this board.

Seems they are finding out that their DW or CP BioMOM does not discipline within reason/provide boundaries and structure for her biokids.

That she's a total "free ranger."

Have any of you stepDADS asked yourself if this is why the BM and biodad broke up in the first place?

Just speculating here, but possibly that bioDAD wanted to provide structure, boundaries and discipline for his own children but the BM fought him tooth and nail and instead, focused ENTIRELY on her relationship with her biokids, assigning them "adult spousal status" over bioDAD. Relegating bioDAD to the "back burner."

I know in the case of us NCP SMs, it seems that as a kneejerk reaction to the PAS that the CP BM dishes out against NCP bioDAD, he himself becomes the very thing that he was angry about during his marriage to the BM.

He disliked the BM putting all her time and attention into the children and that she treated them as her equals/confidants/peers. Yet he does the very same thing to NCP SM!!! Treats his biokids as adult confidants/soul mates, etc. yet relegates SM to the "back burner."

Also noticed that unless CP StepDAD is a "Go-Along George" and subscribes to the CP BM's PAS and free ranging, the BM will make his life very difficult by not issuing the "BM Stamp of Approval" on his forehead.

Any thoughts?

paul_in_utah's picture

Interesting theory.

In my DW's case, the marriage broke up because her then husband (SD17's "perfect" bio-daddy) was out running around on her. Even when they were married, he did not do anything to raise his daughter. I think that DW's free-ranging developed after the divorce, as her kids became her best friends and confidantes. However, this did not revert back to the normal parent-child relationship when DW and I got married. Her kids continued to be "friends" with adult-status in our household. I was never given parental authority, and eventually got fed up with being put on the back-burner, so I disengaged.

There is some hope for DW, as she has started to show signs of understanding the many problems with her skids. But is sort of a "Jeckyll-and-Hyde" thing. Sometimes she is pretty reasonable, but other times she is totally buddy-buddy with her kids. I am hoping that as the kids get older, and she spends less time with her kids, that she will decide to take up full-time residence with me on the "dark side," lol. Too bad that what my DW considers the "dark side" is what most people consider "normal."

Auteur's picture

I often wonder if such "running around" (not that it's an excuse) is often a result of the BM putting all her eggs in the kid's basket, if you will.

Lots of men say that the BM was great until she had her first kid; at that point she totally refused sex, stopped taking care of herself/let herself go, moped around in sweat pants, let the kids run wild, etc. etc.